OT: Help, I think I'm slowly losing my BFF

When he made his marriage vows, he KNEW there were certain standards of behaviour he was agreeing to adhere to, also.

What I'm questioning is the implication that the 'friend's' behaviour is worse because the married man in question is a preacher---not that the man's behaviour is worse because he's a preacher.

Friend that always say what i want to hear are not the ones i call on when a really need help because if you can't tell me when i am wrong how can you help me. Sometimes being a friend means you may have to say things they may not like and drawing the line with her on the issues you feel like are wrong that is what a real FRIEND does!!!!! Keep your head up and stand by what you feel is RIGHT

As a wife myself, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for not participating in this deception.

What she is doing is her business.. but if she does not want to hear what you feel about that - she should stop talking to you about the afair...

so not really sure that this helps but I have a friend who is also dating a married guy. So I told her a completely made up story to see if she would get the connection.

I told her I went with one of my friends to visit her husband who is in prison and I met his cell mate and how we really hit it off blah blah blah

Immediately my friend is jumping in going why would you date some guy in jail? He can't be there for you. He has no money. There wouldn't be a future. etc etc etc

I said so? Its like dating a married guy. Not much of a difference.

It made her stop and think anyways. She admits she is being stupid but she is still seeing the guy. Though now she is talking about a deadline for him to divorce his wife. Who knows is she will stick to it.

I figure its my job as her friend to point out the things I feel she is doing wrong, love her anyways and be there when it blows up in her face. Just as she would for me.

So yeah not sure that helps lol but at least you know you are not alone when it comes to friends and their affairs!

Valerie

Your friend needs to accept your boundaries as well as you are accepting hers.  If she does not want to hear your opinion about the situation then she should honor your request to not talk about it.  I am sure to her this is a very important issue in her life and she wants to talk about it, but if she had a relationship she did not discuss with you for 6 years then why can't she keep her mouth shut now??  If she wants to talk about it then she has to give you the OK to talk about how you feel about it too.  She cannot stifle you and still be going on about it.  That is way too one sided and not a friendship.  In that situation she is just using you for a sounding board, and being a selfish *****  She either wants to share with you and listen to you too or keep it to herself.  You have done nothing wrong and if you lose her friendship over this then in my opinion you are losing NOTHING!  This is not condemning her for anything except being a poor friend!