Why Did You Bother?
I think you have done a great job but it is very unfair to judge people be cause we have no clue what other things they deal with. Maybe someone was molested and turned to food and now that food is not an option they turn to alcohol. There are so many "what ifs" for each person. One can assume they are lazy and unmotivated but that might not be the reality.
(deactivated member)
on 4/7/11 4:33 am
on 4/7/11 4:33 am
Not having had surgery I can only imagine why someone would decide to pursue WLS. The reasons are probably as varied as the people who have it. The success and failure of each procedure varies as widely as well.
You wanted to prevent diabetes, having watched your mother die from it. Understandable. I had a patient once who wanted surgery for her daughter so she would be cute in her prom dress - in three weeks time. Yeah, one realistic expectation, to preserve health, one pretty foolish, to look good at the prom. Except that in each case the reason for having surgery seemed valid to both of you.
You have been successful with your surgery. Congratulations. You hold yourself accountable for your weight gain or loss, commendable. But do you not understand that you are an individual with individual strengths and weaknesses, and that you have a set of mechanisms in place that help you maintain your weight loss? Do you understand that the way you express your mechanisms for success can come across as very judgmental and damning to others struggling in the same way?
Is there any group more sensitive than the peeps who hang out on OH? You've been here such a long time, you have to know that how you say things is as important as what you say. I hear you say "...I am struggling with some regain. I worked so hard to lose weight and I am terrified of gaining it back. I feel guilty that I might be failing at a surgery my company spent their money on."
That's fine, totally reasonable. But you take it out of the realm of wondering about yourself, your success, failure and motivation and move it into the category of wondering why anyone would let themselves fail at this. People will fail at this for as many reasons as people will succeed. Speculation as to why another person would fail is nothing more than placing blame. Remember the sensitive peeps here? Yeah, they don't want to hear that they should feel guilty or should hate themselves for failing - yet again. They have heard it and lived it all before. When you expand your questions about yourself to include others around you you are making judgment calls, and when people feel they are being judged without all the facts being presented they are not going to take it well.
You can certainly say what has worked or not worked for you. Pondering about why others may be succeeding or failing is baseless conjecture and opens you up to significant criticism.
Celebrate your loss, you've earned it. I hate it when posters aren't allowed to be excited about losing weight, but be sensitive to the fact the some people might not have as much to celebrate. Accept the fact that some people will never, ever be a size 2 but still feel great about what they have accomplished. And it seems to me that if they have gained some or all of their weight back the last thing they want to hear is someone pontificating on why they failed. If you confine your musing to your own personal journey you are far more likely to get a positive response. If you keep dragging others into your speculations it's not going to end so well.
You wanted to prevent diabetes, having watched your mother die from it. Understandable. I had a patient once who wanted surgery for her daughter so she would be cute in her prom dress - in three weeks time. Yeah, one realistic expectation, to preserve health, one pretty foolish, to look good at the prom. Except that in each case the reason for having surgery seemed valid to both of you.
You have been successful with your surgery. Congratulations. You hold yourself accountable for your weight gain or loss, commendable. But do you not understand that you are an individual with individual strengths and weaknesses, and that you have a set of mechanisms in place that help you maintain your weight loss? Do you understand that the way you express your mechanisms for success can come across as very judgmental and damning to others struggling in the same way?
Is there any group more sensitive than the peeps who hang out on OH? You've been here such a long time, you have to know that how you say things is as important as what you say. I hear you say "...I am struggling with some regain. I worked so hard to lose weight and I am terrified of gaining it back. I feel guilty that I might be failing at a surgery my company spent their money on."
That's fine, totally reasonable. But you take it out of the realm of wondering about yourself, your success, failure and motivation and move it into the category of wondering why anyone would let themselves fail at this. People will fail at this for as many reasons as people will succeed. Speculation as to why another person would fail is nothing more than placing blame. Remember the sensitive peeps here? Yeah, they don't want to hear that they should feel guilty or should hate themselves for failing - yet again. They have heard it and lived it all before. When you expand your questions about yourself to include others around you you are making judgment calls, and when people feel they are being judged without all the facts being presented they are not going to take it well.
You can certainly say what has worked or not worked for you. Pondering about why others may be succeeding or failing is baseless conjecture and opens you up to significant criticism.
Celebrate your loss, you've earned it. I hate it when posters aren't allowed to be excited about losing weight, but be sensitive to the fact the some people might not have as much to celebrate. Accept the fact that some people will never, ever be a size 2 but still feel great about what they have accomplished. And it seems to me that if they have gained some or all of their weight back the last thing they want to hear is someone pontificating on why they failed. If you confine your musing to your own personal journey you are far more likely to get a positive response. If you keep dragging others into your speculations it's not going to end so well.
OMG!! SO well stated and SOO much kinder, gentler, and caring than she deserves.
Ok I have to step in here and say this. I am a revision. 10 years ago I had VBG, which today is now a failure. The surgery was. My hole was almost closed, and my staple line undone. On top of that, I had no support from the original doctor nor did I know what to do. So I had a revision. You are judging. Every person has their own personal journey and they deal with it in their own way. We are all human and we ALL, including you screw up. No one is exempt.
Are their people who have surgery for the wrong reasons, yeah. But they pay for the insurance and what not so that is on them. Worry about you, do not judge others unless you have been in there shoes, and a piece of advise my mother always said.
There is six inches between a Halo and a noose. People who think they will never have this problem or never do that, or oh not me, I am perfect at this, it will.
Are their people who have surgery for the wrong reasons, yeah. But they pay for the insurance and what not so that is on them. Worry about you, do not judge others unless you have been in there shoes, and a piece of advise my mother always said.
There is six inches between a Halo and a noose. People who think they will never have this problem or never do that, or oh not me, I am perfect at this, it will.
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