Why Did You Bother?

Martita - did you READ what she WROTE!?

I read what she wrote and I have also read many negative post from your blog. I don't think what you say is any different from what you have to say about your journey with WLS. Everyone has their own opinion, so don't be a hypocrite.

Excuse me?

I notice that some people are full of nasty things, but when asked, in the politest way possible, to elaborate, they don't have the cojones to come and explain their derogatory remarks.

Typical.

 I've had it with ******g douche nozzles.

Bless their hearts.

When has she ever insulted ANYone or called them a failure for weight gain or alcoholism or bragged about her superiority? MeltingMama is one of the FEW people who truly tell it like it is, scars and all. MM's negative posts are usually aimed at herself, the damn doctors who can't diagnose her or people who give out false hope or information.

 

This is long so please excuse my longwinded nature.

Yes Beth, I read what she wrote in her ORIGINAL thread and responded to her ORIGINAL thread based on this particular statement of hers in her ORIGINAL THREAD that caught my attention and to which I responded ... I responded to this and I maintain my respose to the OP based on this portion of what she wrote which is what caught my eyes ....

"Whats to celebrate on my birthday, the day I came into the world to two parents, one of who didn't want me, conceived on a night of drunk passion on new years.  Yeah my birthday doesn't mean very much to me at all, but my wls anniversary means the world to me, its the day I decided to be free of the bondage of excess weight.  And I say **** you to anyone who tries to take my day away from me  "

In reading this I see a woman struggling with MANY issues and not being able to deal well with many of them by her own admittance in several of her threads.  I see a woman who has posted before that she is not happy for MANY reasons ... both here and on my group ... and I reached out Beth to that still hurting little girl inside of that OP who feels no reason to celebrate her B-day and I encouraged her to celebrate ANY and ALL occasions that are dear to her and let no one take that away from her and I proceeded to tell her WHY I celebrate ... I responded in that context ONLY because I am of the feeling that there is something good somewhere in every cir****tance …. I took the one thing her ‘wls anniversary’ that she says means ‘the world to her’ and I responded in that context.

I spoke about myself because that is what I have always done on this very individual journey of ours... I have shared my WLS story and my life story on here since my join date in 2007 ... my life has been an opened book ... from my history of DV with my ex ...to being raped... to my current DH's kidney failure to kidney transplant to multiple amputations resulting in a partial foot amputation necessitating a lengthy hospital stay to just a week ago where he was once again hospitalized with a now affected contralateral limb ... you met him remember? at the time he was still in a cast before even having the partial foot amputation having had yet another surgery and he came to the conference in NY and overheard you and I wishing for a DK coffee and with his limp and his boot he went and treated us both to DK coffees he went out and brought back for us remember? He too Beth has been laughed at and ridiculed and he never had WLS.... at a few months out on my journey I shared on here how two women in the store pointed at his feet in his orthotic shoes and laughed their asses off because his feet in the smaller shoes with the wider front that look like ‘ducks’ to accommodate his then toe-less lower extremities was funny looking and hilarious to them … remembering that still makes me hurt for my Al but the pain is eased by the fact that he did not see them and the store manager who saw was able to reprimand them….  the hurt I felt at the moment when these women laughed at this man, my husband, a total stranger to them who has funny feet ... my gosh today they would probably have a heartier laugh because now half of one of those feet is missing and he uses a prosthesis now ... how funny would that be... the thing is Beth... they laughed at a total stranger without even knowing his cir****tances .. that he was born a diabetic into an entire family of diabetics and today he is the ONLY survivor of that entire family who has passed on at very young ages from mother to siblings to dad because of diabetic complications and vascular disease.  At great sacrifice to us as a family I worked 3-4 jobs to get him through 8 year of dialysis and put my kids through college until he got his kidney transplant … So he and I celebrate that Beth it is a big deal to us as my WLS is to me because I decided to have it at 327 pounds when my DD fell and I could not make it us a flight of stairs to save my life or her… I laid myself and was dragging myself up when the fire dept and the paramedics arrived to move me out of the way to get to her … today I am mobile Beth the same weight that impaired my ability to move and to breathe and fend for my child has lifted and today I can run and I have left 5 co-morbids and a c-pap behind … I celebrate this daily Beth … in a journal a picture a day … my very own husband and photographer’s idea and it has worked for me…. Hence I apologize to all who I may annoy or offend by sharing the nuisances of my WLS in a picture a day or a ‘surgiversary’ or a ‘monthlyversary’ these are occasions that are meaningful to me and to my family and to my friends and family overseas who log on to OH and who to some I translate some of the threads where one of my friends has pursued a DS based on some of the information from here along with their own personal research and preparation by their medical provider.   I post to encourage myself… my friends… my family and any other who may want to read my goofy threads … again apologies if I annoy.  It is not my intention.  I have painted canvases and sketches and offer them freely to all … I offer my art, dolls, recipes, clothing, resources as I am able to freely to ALL because I am wired that way from childhood it is just who I am.   Just a couple months  ago I had breakfast at 4 am with an OH member that I met at the OH conference in Rye … never met  her before then… she was in my area as she came for some very serious treatments … her train brought her in too early … so I picked her up at the train station brought her care packs and her canvases that I had painted and stayed with her and brought her to the center … I did the same when she had repeat treatment a week or so ago coming all the way from Atlanta…. Next week I will meet with the beautiful sista who taught her students to make sleeping bag for the homeless in NY and was featured on CBS news and Woman's Day magazine this months edition on page 20 … I will meet her in the Big Apple or Manhattan for breakfast .. and I will be in Vegas as some point this year to meet up with a beautiful RN sista I met right here on OH… I AM UNIVERSALLY SUPPORTIVE OF ALL BETH …REGARDLESS OF CREED, RACE, BELIEF, NON BELIEF, SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR POLITICAL INCLINATION, LIFE HAS HANDED ME SOME LEMONS, MORE THAN I EVEN CARED TO HAVE, THAT I WISH ON NO ONE … SO I BREATHE TO CELEBRATE AND I CELEBRATE LIFE AND AS LONG AS THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE AND THERE IS OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE AMENDS….

I did not read past the first ORIGINAL thread when I responded and now I see the progression of this thread and I searched and searched to find where on here does Heidi write that you should have aborted your precious daughter and I cannot find where she writes that.  However, I read where she tactlessly and very inappropriately asks you a very insensitive question.  I cannot find it in my heart or mind to believe that she is implying that you should have gotten rid of either of your beautiful children that I have ALWAYS complimented you about … our children are PRECIOUS to one and ALL …  I do not read that she is telling you you should have aborted them … I read her once again TACTLESS and INAPPROPRIATE questioning/statements/conclusions regarding your state being and experiences with your weight loss journey which is ultimately none of mine hers or anyone elses business to comment on negatively if not to offer support and encouragement to you as you tackle these issues along with the professionals you are engaged with.   I am not walking in your shoes and I do not know the details of your struggles … so all I can do as I always to is offer support and encouragement because it is what I do.  I go it universally to all.

I read the tactless statement and my heart goes out to you and the pain you certainly felt by just thinking of someone telling you should have aborted your child.  So I will stand in the gap I will apologize in the name of the OP for the inappropriateness of her wording/statements that have caused you pain … APOLOGIES Beth… No one should be hurt on a message board nor in real life over something as personal as a weight loss surgery is.  Please read what she wrote again.  Her question as posed id definitely tactless and inappropriate I just don't think she is implying you or anyone should have aborted ... that is a very strong and horrible stigmata to label Heidi with ... as the person who told Beth to kill her unborn child... Beth.. you who have met in in person twice .. do you honestly think I would endorse someone making such a statement to anyone?  Honestly answer me, do you think I would applaud and endorse Heidi or anyone telling you to abort your child for any reason at all? I was raped Beth and was left with product that I did not bring to life and for years I was tormented by it until being able to forgive myself.  I would never endorse anyone making such a statement.

I am universally accepting of ALL … and I consider no one a failure EVER… because I have always stated I will breathe life and hope into any cir****tance until death when I can no longer to anything.  I pains me that anyone should be judged or mocked and I have been on the receiving end of mockery on here too for posting my goofy arsed pictures and experiences which are ultimately mine and refer and relate to no others … it pains me that some celebrating a ‘surgiversary’ may annoy others … it pains me that some needing a revision surgery may annoy others… it pains me that some choosing to have the band may annoy others … it pains me that some chosing to have the DS may annoy others or the RNY or the VSG when ultimately it is our own person our own bodies duty of which is ours to inform, consent and lay on the table and live with our decisions… work through correct/revise/or do what we chose with ontoward outcomes … the unplanned… the mechanical failures… the things out of our reach … and if any of us should fall and we will fall because to err is human to have a sista or a brother willing to extend a helping hand and say ‘get up my beautiful sista … all is not lost … we have options… we can try again… or we can live in acceptance… it is all good.  All surgeries have to potential to provide what we want from it as well as all offers risks that can cause us great many  challenges.  My daughter who also struggles with weight and manages it conservatively by diet and exercise has been laughed at for standing at 6'2" tall with size 12 shoes ... mocked by her classmates and called godzilla and gooney goo goo and sasquatch and big foot ... her certificate on her night of induction into the honor society go****er poured all over it by mocking peers ... she was laughed at for standing tall and being a geek waayyyyyyyy before ever being mocked for being fat and she is still my lovely big girl and personal trainer and encourages me every day...the mockery did not stand in her way she is a woman of substance ...  Evil and harshness and mean and trife is all over.... and then there are hurting people like Heidi too I am sorry Beth ... I cannot hate on her nor berate her more than she has already been on this thread ... I stand in the gap and I apologize.

I stand in support of ALL … and I take no sides in any of this… because no one is totally wrong and no one is totally right.  I cannot cast a stone in Heidi’s direction because I am not free of sins.  She was tactless as she can certainly be at times … and I do not stand in agreement with everything she writes neither past nor present … but I can do what I do … I can reach out and encourage her to apologize where she has judged or inadvertently hurt… I can encourage her to keep her eyes on her journey and I can encourage her by telling this otherwise beautiful woman who is having so many other issues in her life to focus on the good things while she addresses the bad things…. to not get too frustrated nor take personal threads like the one just the night before where another poster was called to task by merely sharing a saying that she posted on a refrigerator to encourage herself on her journey … to focus on Heidi… to forgive Heidi and to love Heidi.  I am not going to hate on Heidi nor or anyone else for that matter.  Heidi made a mistake … she fell and I believe she has been stoned to death because of her tactlessness…. I am going to reach out and give her a healing hug and tell her get a grip sista … reach out and make amends …. And I am going to reach out Beth and give you too a healing hug and tell you get a grip my beautiful sista … I stand in the gap by way of a heart extended apology … I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY YOU WERE HURT BY A HURTING SISTA …. I AM SORRY THAT MY COMMENT TO THAT SISTA BASED ON THE ONE THING THAT SHE SAID MADE HER HAPPY MAY HAVE SEEMED TO YOU THAT I WAS ENDORSING HER STATEMENTS IN A RESPONSE TO YOU AFTER THE ORIGINAL THREAD THAT WAS TACTLESS AND INNAPPROPRIATE … AND I AM SOOOOOOOOO SORRY AND I APOLOGIZE TO ALL ON OH WHO I HAVE OFFENDED, ANNOYED OR OTHERWISE SEEMED BOASTFUL TO FOR SHARING MY JOURNAL A PICTURE A DAY KEEPS THE POUNDS AWAY … IT IS NOT MY INTENT … PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE SUCH POSTINGS OF MINE.

I am sorry it took this long to respond Beth.  I wanted to respond elaborately and long winded is my personal style.  Those and my group and those who have read my thread a day or two before this one know I am dealing with just being able to use one hand as my wrist is currently impaired.  I hope you can find it in your heart to accept my apologies if you felt in anyway that I slighted you by encouraging Heidi to celebrate her surgiversary because she should be able do so on here freely as everyone else should … as well as anyone who has issues or is unhappy with choice/outcome or whatever else should be free to post their experiences.  I read through this entire thread and I want to thank my friend Finigan as I agree with her approach for reaching out and talking to Heidi without necessarily hurting her much more than she is already hurt and in as much as she herself hurt Beth.  I really do not think it was her intention.  I really think she should sit back and think before responding in anger or in the heat of the moment.  I think she should measure her words because oftentimes she comes across as tactless… and harsh… and obnoxious …but then that is totally subjective….

It really breaks my heart to see you hurting Beth as much as it breaks my heart to see Heidi being stoned to death because of her lapse in judgment… it pains me both ways … again two sistas I have met on OH … I wish I could be a bridge to mend this by standing in the gap and offering apologies to ALL…. I am sorry I cannot hurl an insult at Heidi … it is not in my nature and I do not believe it was her intent… My message is longwinded and boring and yes I talk about me and my cir****tances because that is all I can do .. but I am universally accepting of all and willing to extend in the measure of my capabilities to all … friend or not.

Lets not all hate on or berate Heidi but reach out and encourage her to heal and to embrace happiness or joy in whatever measure she can find it in her life while she works on getting a handle on all other underlying issues she is after all a human being ... a sista who made a judgment call that advertently or inadvertently hurt another or others ...

To all my beautiful sistas on the journey pre.. post.. wherever you stand I stand in support... of ALL

Apologies.

 

Martita, you are truly an amazing woman.    Your husband and family are blessed to have you in their lives.

i am only 8 months out and at my goal ,i will do any thing to keep it off ,i have a new life and happy and food isnt going to be my best friend ,my husband is we eat because we have too .