Twig arms and stalks for legs and spaniels ears for tits.

My legs were ******g massive.  Like two massive lava flows coalesced into gelatinous mounds of cellulite and chaffed flesh slapping and writhing and wobbling like ripples on a tidal pool.  I lumbered and had a spastic flexion to stop my thighs from catching fire.......but at least I could shoulder barge a couch across the room or singlehandedly shift the fridge to get at a dropped pen.  Now I'm like a pathetic nonce with pipe-cleaners for arms.

David used to get me to open jars and lift the heavy **** around the house now HE is the go to person for loads and lids.  I'm ******g outraged!  To add insult to injury I can barely waggle a 8kg barbell above my head in the gym without almost taking off an ear.  Once upon a time my starting weight was 8kg now I'd snap my ineffectual arms like dessicated old *****s if I even contemplated bicep curling 15kgs.  For ***** sake I've nursed stronger Palliative care patients.  My farts are stronger than my muscles!

Let me be clear people I once tracked through the Himalayas, climbing and scrambling and carried **** of pack and equipment.  I climbed many of the Scottish Munros,  I once paced the men pound for pound as a body builder, I once fought and won kickboxing and kungfu matches now I'm a mobile Stephen Hawkins with less cerebral acuity and complex reasoning.  I'm ******g low rent! 

I miss being a fat ******* because I was powerful.....now I'm just a big girl.  A big flouncy weak flapping girly girl.  The ******g insult of it all.  It would be easier to take if my arm pits didn't look like 80 year old vagina's bursting out of my gym clothes.  My arse is a melt movie in action slithering out from under my knickers to slap my thighs like sausages.

Fuck it sometimes being fat is advantage.

Isn't it wonderful, Kirmy?  

LMAO.  I can always count on you to tell it like it is!

alas, the wanting is better than the having, sometimes, poor child 

Kirmy, if I give my phone number will you call and tell me bed time stories?  You are hilarious my friend!

Kirmy, I agree...you do have a way with words.

Have you ever considered writing for a living?????

Liz

HAHA! love it kirmy. Ive given my hubby the whole briefing on the charpei body i will have after the DS. My plan is to buy one of the body suits from the sex shop so neither he nor i will have to look at it!  I have told him that the minute i reach my goal i will be in the plastics office for my fake tits and body lift! lol

well at least you can walk up stair w/o getting winded. *sigh* im soo jealous;)

I really, really should know not to read your posts when I'm at work and supposed to be actually...you know...working.  People stare when I suddenly gafaw out loud.

I totally relate to 99.9% of this.  All except the David part.  It does get better, honestly.  Not great (so far) but better.  I don't feel like a total weakling most of the time...just part of the time.

 Welcome to my world, my dear.    This morning, I was heading out the door for work.    I kissed my DH goodbye, grabbed my laptop, a heavy tote bag and my week's supply of bacon and egg casserole in a separate bag.    It was so lopsidedly heavy, that I toppled right over.    My husband laughed his ass off.    Revolving doors also knock me over.   Pathetic, just pathetic.