I am really excited for my friend! So far so Good for Approval
I don't know if you guys remember that about a month ago I was asking questions about helping my friend get his DS. (insurance approval, etc)
THANK you to everyone who answered my questions ~ ~
Things are really coming along for us (I am helping him getting his DS as soon as possible, coordinating it all and what not)
This is really going to change his life and he deserves it.
Everything is just really falling into place so nicely so far.
The first thing was to switch his insurance to Blue Cross PPO, which he did and then it even went into effect sooner than was anticipated.
We got an appointment right away with Dr. Keshishian and it was a thrill for me to meet him. At the consult he gave out information that I hadn't heard about and I was able to learn new things from one of the rock stars of the DS LOL.
Next we saw his new PCP (from his new health insurance)
It's the same PCP I used (he was WLS friendly and was supportive with ME so I figured he'd be a good choice for him
Today we had an appointment with the PCP and our goal was to get a letter from him (not surgery clearance) but just a letter to get the ball rolling
The appt went so well, He wrote the letter right there for us, ordered his pre op labs etc,
We also were able to get into a psychiatrist right away to get the clearance letter. She was the same one I used and that went well so figured she'd be a good choice.. notice a trend here LOL?
We let her know we wanted it fast, so I can pick it up tomorrow. I remember I waited almost a week to get my letter from her, so 1 day is awesome!
So once those are sent in .. the insurance can be submitted
There are only 2 hiccups that I can potentially see, one with his medical clearance (one issue on it) and then of course, just the general *hiccup* of the final insurance approval
That's the Biggie LOL just that little *hiccup* of getting that insurance approval LOL
Everything is coming along though and that is the part I am excited about so I had to share
I have ALL my fingers and Toes crossed for my friend, Tom
and for those of you who pray, could you join us in prayer that Tom gets approved.
Swinging chickens works, too .. LOL
I am hopeful but afraid to get too hopeful in case we meet a roadblock
I am encouraging my friend to join here and learn as much as possible about the DS
His computer is Not the best and it is hard for him to work on it
.. I am giving him lots of info plus Dr. K has an entire educational program.
Hoping you will give my friend a warm welcome when he joins here and that he will be joining us soon on the dark side
He is trying to get his DS done over the summer due to his job
Loretta
THANK you to everyone who answered my questions ~ ~
Things are really coming along for us (I am helping him getting his DS as soon as possible, coordinating it all and what not)
This is really going to change his life and he deserves it.
Everything is just really falling into place so nicely so far.
The first thing was to switch his insurance to Blue Cross PPO, which he did and then it even went into effect sooner than was anticipated.
We got an appointment right away with Dr. Keshishian and it was a thrill for me to meet him. At the consult he gave out information that I hadn't heard about and I was able to learn new things from one of the rock stars of the DS LOL.
Next we saw his new PCP (from his new health insurance)
It's the same PCP I used (he was WLS friendly and was supportive with ME so I figured he'd be a good choice for him
Today we had an appointment with the PCP and our goal was to get a letter from him (not surgery clearance) but just a letter to get the ball rolling
The appt went so well, He wrote the letter right there for us, ordered his pre op labs etc,
We also were able to get into a psychiatrist right away to get the clearance letter. She was the same one I used and that went well so figured she'd be a good choice.. notice a trend here LOL?
We let her know we wanted it fast, so I can pick it up tomorrow. I remember I waited almost a week to get my letter from her, so 1 day is awesome!
So once those are sent in .. the insurance can be submitted
There are only 2 hiccups that I can potentially see, one with his medical clearance (one issue on it) and then of course, just the general *hiccup* of the final insurance approval
That's the Biggie LOL just that little *hiccup* of getting that insurance approval LOL
Everything is coming along though and that is the part I am excited about so I had to share
I have ALL my fingers and Toes crossed for my friend, Tom
and for those of you who pray, could you join us in prayer that Tom gets approved.
Swinging chickens works, too .. LOL
I am hopeful but afraid to get too hopeful in case we meet a roadblock
I am encouraging my friend to join here and learn as much as possible about the DS
His computer is Not the best and it is hard for him to work on it
.. I am giving him lots of info plus Dr. K has an entire educational program.Hoping you will give my friend a warm welcome when he joins here and that he will be joining us soon on the dark side
He is trying to get his DS done over the summer due to his job
Loretta
And now, just to be a contrarian (and because I have seen this before), let me say this:
Once he gets approval, you need to back off for a bit and let him soak this all in, and to make SURE this is HIS idea, and what HE wants - and not something he is being bull-rushed into, or that he is doing to please YOU. Because if something bad happens, both you and he need to be able to look back and be confident that HE made this choice for HIMSELF, with a clear and open mind. Neither of you want the regrets and resentment or guilt that might happen if you don't let him do this.
Once he gets approval, you need to back off for a bit and let him soak this all in, and to make SURE this is HIS idea, and what HE wants - and not something he is being bull-rushed into, or that he is doing to please YOU. Because if something bad happens, both you and he need to be able to look back and be confident that HE made this choice for HIMSELF, with a clear and open mind. Neither of you want the regrets and resentment or guilt that might happen if you don't let him do this.
Excellent insight, one I have been aware of as well.
He has done his research and made his decision based on the fact of his diabetes.
It took him a LONG time to come to his decision (as in over a year) Besides years and years and years of just considering any type of WLS
I wasn't really a part of him coming to this decision (OTHER than him Watching me go through it)
then he was *this* close to LapBand but then researched more and learned that the DS was most suited for a person with diabetes and his co mobidities
Okay I admit, I did mention to my husband and him (they are best friends) that I felt the Lapband wasn't a good choice for him
He heard a research study on the radio about weight loss surgery efficacies and he told me that once he heard that he made up his mind
He said that talking to Dr. K really makes him confident in his choice
I started out being Very concerned about helping someone, making sure they know all about it and what is required afterwards, for life. I was concerned because I didn't want to be a part of it if a person would have regrets or not be able to do what is required afterwards.
I also thought about what if something goes wrong and not wanting to feel responsible for it. I would feel Terrible!
He feels like the road he is on now, he has to do something because his health is very poor.
I like the things I am seeing. He is Asking the right questions, about the surgery, about after care, how will his diet be afterwards, etc.
What will bathroom issues possibly be
It HAS to be his decision and I know it IS since I was asked to help and not the other way around.
I think about it a LOT. Does he understand what he is getting into basically?
It is Partly my job to make sure he Does. It is partly Dr. K's program to make sure he knows what he is getting into.
Ulitmately it is up to HIM to make sure he knows what he is getting into.
If he gets approved and after he gets approved .. what can I do to back off and make sure he is in the right place and doing it all on his own accord?
What do you suggest as far as in practical terms. I could just say *it needs to 100% be your decision* * There is no rush, why don't you take some time to just think on it .. there is no reason you can't take a couple weeks to just relax on the idea and see if it still feels right to you*
something like that? sigh...
Loretta
He has done his research and made his decision based on the fact of his diabetes.
It took him a LONG time to come to his decision (as in over a year) Besides years and years and years of just considering any type of WLS
I wasn't really a part of him coming to this decision (OTHER than him Watching me go through it)
then he was *this* close to LapBand but then researched more and learned that the DS was most suited for a person with diabetes and his co mobidities
Okay I admit, I did mention to my husband and him (they are best friends) that I felt the Lapband wasn't a good choice for him
He heard a research study on the radio about weight loss surgery efficacies and he told me that once he heard that he made up his mind
He said that talking to Dr. K really makes him confident in his choice
I started out being Very concerned about helping someone, making sure they know all about it and what is required afterwards, for life. I was concerned because I didn't want to be a part of it if a person would have regrets or not be able to do what is required afterwards.
I also thought about what if something goes wrong and not wanting to feel responsible for it. I would feel Terrible!
He feels like the road he is on now, he has to do something because his health is very poor.
I like the things I am seeing. He is Asking the right questions, about the surgery, about after care, how will his diet be afterwards, etc.
What will bathroom issues possibly be
It HAS to be his decision and I know it IS since I was asked to help and not the other way around.
I think about it a LOT. Does he understand what he is getting into basically?
It is Partly my job to make sure he Does. It is partly Dr. K's program to make sure he knows what he is getting into.
Ulitmately it is up to HIM to make sure he knows what he is getting into.
If he gets approved and after he gets approved .. what can I do to back off and make sure he is in the right place and doing it all on his own accord?
What do you suggest as far as in practical terms. I could just say *it needs to 100% be your decision* * There is no rush, why don't you take some time to just think on it .. there is no reason you can't take a couple weeks to just relax on the idea and see if it still feels right to you*
something like that? sigh...
Loretta
Oh, I don't think it needs to be anything formal - your second post described a far more deliberative process than I got from your first one, and it sounds like he has considered this in detail already.
One experience I have had that leads me to this:
There was a woman my age in my orchestra who was >400 lbs. We became friendly, and of course I told her about the DS. I even got her and her husband to attend a DS support group meeting, and was shocked and appalled when his questions at the meeting focused on whether they would be able to enjoy eating together on cruise ships afterwards (he was pretty portly himself, and their mentally handicapped teenage son was morbidly obese as well). She didn't come back to the meetings, and I just would mention from time to time how well I was feeling - I figured she needed to come to her own decision in her own time.
I dropped out of the orchestra for a while. Then one day she called me and asked me for my surgeon's name again - she was having heart trouble, and her surgeons wanted her to do something. She apparently got fast-tracked for her DS, and did not spend very much time learning about her options - or her responsibilities.
I rejoined the orchestra after she had her DS, during the first year. We occasionally went out to eat after performances, and I was a bit shocked to see how she was eating, especially since she was - well, doing it in front of me. Bread, bread, bread. Little or no protein. And sitting next to her, I could tell she was having issues. I tried to talk to her about it, but she kind of shrugged it off - but she DID complain about constant diarrhea. The last I heard at that time, she was trying tincture of opium.
I quit the orchestra again (my job was making it too difficult to spend the time required). And then, just short of a year after her DS, while on a cruise off the coast of eastern Canada, she had a massive coronary onboard. She was attended to quickly, and helicoptered to a real hospital, but she was down for several minutes - enough to cause pretty serious brain damage.
She sort of seems herself, the last time I saw her - but she is not oriented to time and place, and her memory is ruined. She constantly speaks of her deceased mother as if she is living with her. She can't work, can't drive, can't do household things as far as I could tell. It all falls to her husband now. And despite the obvious issues that led to this situation, he blames the DS. I tried to talk to him about making sure she was getting proper nutrition, but his response was - let's just say my gentle inquiries were treated as unwelcome.
She probably would have been dead if she had had the heart attack at 400 lbs instead of 250, but as you can imagine, he is angry that this has dramatically changed their family. She was not only an elementary school teacher (and contributor to the family income), she was the primary care for the disabled son. Now care for both of them falls to him, and I imagine he cannot work anymore with these responsibilities (he was a senior county employee, and has moved away from the county). I have heard that they not only moved away, they have broken off many connections with friends and family.
I don't really feel guilty, but I also am acutely aware that I encouraged her to investigate the DS, as well as touted its superiority, and as a result, when she finally had to do SOMETHING, she just went with the first thing she knew. I don't think she was properly informed - although I'm sure she superficially understood what she was supposed to do, enough to satisfy her doctors. But she had no level of commitment to it - she was approved without any trouble, first time, and she didn't have to fight for it. She was never committed in the slightest to making the relatively simple changes in diet and supplementation that are required, and I couldn't get her to come on OH or duodenalswitch.com or the Yahoo groups, much less our IRL support group meetings - she just wasn't interested. She was told to do something or die, so she did something - but didn't follow up, because the DS was "handed" to her.
I don't think I contributed to her heart attack of course, but I worry that I made it too easy for her, and that because of that, she never bought in to the requirements, and she never got her husband's buy-in, understanding or support for what she was doing. And she didn't do things right, so he never learned to do things right, and now he is responsible for her care - or lack thereof. And there's not a damned thing I can do about it now.
Oddly enough, I haven't thought about her much for a while, but today in my water aerobics class, a woman and I started talking and we realized we knew each other - she was a dear friend of the woman whom I had met a few years ago at her bedside, and she caught me up about what was going on with them - including the fact that their 40 year friendship with the family was abruptly terminated by the move away and the husband essentially cutting off connections with their former life. It makes me very uneasy, and it has been on my mind today. And when you wrote what you did ... well, it was on my mind.
One experience I have had that leads me to this:
There was a woman my age in my orchestra who was >400 lbs. We became friendly, and of course I told her about the DS. I even got her and her husband to attend a DS support group meeting, and was shocked and appalled when his questions at the meeting focused on whether they would be able to enjoy eating together on cruise ships afterwards (he was pretty portly himself, and their mentally handicapped teenage son was morbidly obese as well). She didn't come back to the meetings, and I just would mention from time to time how well I was feeling - I figured she needed to come to her own decision in her own time.
I dropped out of the orchestra for a while. Then one day she called me and asked me for my surgeon's name again - she was having heart trouble, and her surgeons wanted her to do something. She apparently got fast-tracked for her DS, and did not spend very much time learning about her options - or her responsibilities.
I rejoined the orchestra after she had her DS, during the first year. We occasionally went out to eat after performances, and I was a bit shocked to see how she was eating, especially since she was - well, doing it in front of me. Bread, bread, bread. Little or no protein. And sitting next to her, I could tell she was having issues. I tried to talk to her about it, but she kind of shrugged it off - but she DID complain about constant diarrhea. The last I heard at that time, she was trying tincture of opium.
I quit the orchestra again (my job was making it too difficult to spend the time required). And then, just short of a year after her DS, while on a cruise off the coast of eastern Canada, she had a massive coronary onboard. She was attended to quickly, and helicoptered to a real hospital, but she was down for several minutes - enough to cause pretty serious brain damage.
She sort of seems herself, the last time I saw her - but she is not oriented to time and place, and her memory is ruined. She constantly speaks of her deceased mother as if she is living with her. She can't work, can't drive, can't do household things as far as I could tell. It all falls to her husband now. And despite the obvious issues that led to this situation, he blames the DS. I tried to talk to him about making sure she was getting proper nutrition, but his response was - let's just say my gentle inquiries were treated as unwelcome.
She probably would have been dead if she had had the heart attack at 400 lbs instead of 250, but as you can imagine, he is angry that this has dramatically changed their family. She was not only an elementary school teacher (and contributor to the family income), she was the primary care for the disabled son. Now care for both of them falls to him, and I imagine he cannot work anymore with these responsibilities (he was a senior county employee, and has moved away from the county). I have heard that they not only moved away, they have broken off many connections with friends and family.
I don't really feel guilty, but I also am acutely aware that I encouraged her to investigate the DS, as well as touted its superiority, and as a result, when she finally had to do SOMETHING, she just went with the first thing she knew. I don't think she was properly informed - although I'm sure she superficially understood what she was supposed to do, enough to satisfy her doctors. But she had no level of commitment to it - she was approved without any trouble, first time, and she didn't have to fight for it. She was never committed in the slightest to making the relatively simple changes in diet and supplementation that are required, and I couldn't get her to come on OH or duodenalswitch.com or the Yahoo groups, much less our IRL support group meetings - she just wasn't interested. She was told to do something or die, so she did something - but didn't follow up, because the DS was "handed" to her.
I don't think I contributed to her heart attack of course, but I worry that I made it too easy for her, and that because of that, she never bought in to the requirements, and she never got her husband's buy-in, understanding or support for what she was doing. And she didn't do things right, so he never learned to do things right, and now he is responsible for her care - or lack thereof. And there's not a damned thing I can do about it now.
Oddly enough, I haven't thought about her much for a while, but today in my water aerobics class, a woman and I started talking and we realized we knew each other - she was a dear friend of the woman whom I had met a few years ago at her bedside, and she caught me up about what was going on with them - including the fact that their 40 year friendship with the family was abruptly terminated by the move away and the husband essentially cutting off connections with their former life. It makes me very uneasy, and it has been on my mind today. And when you wrote what you did ... well, it was on my mind.
Ugggh and even thinking about it .. even if he took another whole year to think about it if something happened to him I would feel guilty no matter what! Just because I know I assisted him to get the surgery
I even said to someone.. *I'll feel bad if something happens*
they assured me, why would you feel bad it is his decision and if he doesn't do this, he is going down a bad path.
He himself tells me he knows he has to do something besides the path he is on, uggh.
It's because he needs it that I am trying to help, but I don't want to help him DECIDE, I only want to help him get it done after he has made his mind up to get it done.
which he Has made up his mind according to him and when he said I want it done and when he wants it done LOL
What can I do to have that certainty?
That beyond a shadow of a doubt it is ALL 100% his idea and his decision.
I can't imagine someone having a surgery to please someone else but I imagine it happens.
He is dear to me in that he is very close to my husband, and while we are friends we aren't close in that way. I am very certain he wouldn't do anything to please me personally since we don't have that type of relationship for one. Also he is the type to not listen to anyone and to make his own decisions. He especially wouldn't be looking towards me to make the decision, I feel.
I am confident that he has been mulling this over for a long, long time. Honestly I didn't think he would ever come out and want to do anything
That is what makes me think it is all his decision
I know that makes sense to you
YIKES!!
Now I am even more nervous
Give me some tips please, tips tips
Thanks for the advice, it is sound advice. These are things that have weighed on my mind, as they SHOULD weigh on my mind (I believe)
Loretta
I even said to someone.. *I'll feel bad if something happens*
they assured me, why would you feel bad it is his decision and if he doesn't do this, he is going down a bad path.
He himself tells me he knows he has to do something besides the path he is on, uggh.
It's because he needs it that I am trying to help, but I don't want to help him DECIDE, I only want to help him get it done after he has made his mind up to get it done.
which he Has made up his mind according to him and when he said I want it done and when he wants it done LOL
What can I do to have that certainty?
That beyond a shadow of a doubt it is ALL 100% his idea and his decision.
I can't imagine someone having a surgery to please someone else but I imagine it happens.
He is dear to me in that he is very close to my husband, and while we are friends we aren't close in that way. I am very certain he wouldn't do anything to please me personally since we don't have that type of relationship for one. Also he is the type to not listen to anyone and to make his own decisions. He especially wouldn't be looking towards me to make the decision, I feel.
I am confident that he has been mulling this over for a long, long time. Honestly I didn't think he would ever come out and want to do anything
That is what makes me think it is all his decision
I know that makes sense to you
YIKES!!
Now I am even more nervous
Give me some tips please, tips tips
Thanks for the advice, it is sound advice. These are things that have weighed on my mind, as they SHOULD weigh on my mind (I believe)
Loretta
that is an interesting story and important to make note of before we go crusading with the DS . . .if they truly want help they will seek it out but if it is handed to them on a platter perhaps not.
1985 Verticle Banded Gastroplasty to DS revision 2010 sw 280 gw 140 cw 188 hw 360
“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.?
Winnie the Pooh
So true
I would have moved mountains to get my DS once I put my mind to it after much deliberation LOL
It reminds me of the plans I had for my child to go to college. She said she wanted to go to nursing schoo and seemed really *into it*l. We got her enrolled. Paid for all her tuition, got her set up in a private dorm room, etc. etc.
We were 3 miles away so we were nearby but she could live on campus and do her thing.
Well one day we knocked on her dorm room door and she had packed up out of there.
Hmmm
She said she wanted it, but didn't really want it. It only lasted a couple of weeks.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
Loretta
I would have moved mountains to get my DS once I put my mind to it after much deliberation LOL
It reminds me of the plans I had for my child to go to college. She said she wanted to go to nursing schoo and seemed really *into it*l. We got her enrolled. Paid for all her tuition, got her set up in a private dorm room, etc. etc.
We were 3 miles away so we were nearby but she could live on campus and do her thing.
Well one day we knocked on her dorm room door and she had packed up out of there.
Hmmm
She said she wanted it, but didn't really want it. It only lasted a couple of weeks.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
Loretta
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