Slippery Slope

Confession time!

I’m not perfect.

Whew! That’s a load off my mind! Haha jk

Seriously, I beat myself up when I’m not perfect with my eating plan. This week, on vacation, I had carbs (gasp!). For the 4-1/2 months since surgery, I have stayed away from most carbs (except for a cookie on Thanksgiving), but this past week, I’ve snuck in more carbs than I’m comfortable with.

Maybe I have unrealistic expectations about what my eating plan should be. I literally only ate protein (eggs, bacon, chicken, beef patties, cheese, etc.) and stayed away (as much as possible) from any and all carbs for 4-1/2 months. I planned on staying extremely low carb until I hit goal, at which time I would reintroduce carbs in MODERATION. That was the plan.

My boyfriend expressed concern during one meal when I ate three of his tater tots from his Tater Tot Nachos (BTW -- YUMMMMY!!!!) and again when I had a couple of french fries from my plate. (Up until now, I have avoided pretty much ALL side dishes and just ate protein when we went out to eat.) He said, "It starts with one tater tot, which becomes two, which leads you back to your old habits." I think he’s worried for me. I can understand – he has seen me struggle with weight for the past six years (losing, gaining, losing, gaining, etc., etc., etc.).

I’m really afraid that he’ll end up being right. Of course, I don’t want to be a WLS failure. And of course I didn’t go into this thinking it would be easy. I am more than willing to put in the work necessary, but I need to figure out how to go about it, I guess.

In the past, I never had a problem losing weight. It’s when I get to this point several months after starting that I just fall off the wagon. And just like that, I’m full-on right back to my old ways. I’m great at gaining weight at lightning speed, by the way! I guess I’m an “all or nothing” type of gal.

So, here’s my confession. And mind you, I hadn’t had a bite of “junk” in the 4-1/2 months prior. This week I’ve had (all at different meals/days):

-          Three tater tots and some French fries

-          Three bites of pancakes

-          A double cheeseburger from McDonald’s (yes, I ate the whole thing which made me very uncomfortably full. It was my first burger with a bun since surgery).

-          I bought two little packets of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and ate BOTH packets.

-          A cheeseburger and most of the small fries from McDonald’s (again, ate it with the bun)

-          Some slices of that cheap frozen Totino’s pizza

I felt guilty after eating each thing. And I hid most of this from my boyfriend. (I know those are two red flags!)

When I list it all out like that, it seems like I ****** up royally! And I guess I have. But in my head, I tell myself little lies like, “I’m on vacation! I should enjoy it!” and “I’ll eat better tomorrow.”

I’m very good at lying to myself.

What’s different this time? Well, now I know I have my surgery to help me. I eat WAY LESS than I could before my surgery. And I don’t absorb as many calories. I actually lost two pounds while on vacation. But I also don’t want to use my “tool” as yet another excuse for my bad eating habits.

I still don’t know why I do this. I’m a smart lady – right before I take a bite of something I shouldn’t, I tell myself that I shouldn’t be doing it. So, logically, I know what I need to do. Yet, I do the opposite. And once I **** up, my past routine would be to punish myself by ******g up all the way for months and months at a time until I gain all the weight back. I obviously do not want that to happen ever again.

I suppose I need therapy. (I’m not in therapy right now, obviously). I guess the next step is finding a therapist who knows about the DS or at least WLS and who specializes in ****ty eating behaviors.

So have at me, ladies and gentlemen. Lecture me. Console me. Commiserate with me. Or just slap me. And thanks for listening!

I totally feel ya. I first let carbs back in at about 7 months out.  I also have not reached goal at nearly 4 years out. 

Coincidence? IDK.  I personally wish I had NOT let carbs back in and maybe I would be at goal now. Of course,I will never know now if I would have reached goal or not if I had left them off. 

You are wise to recognize this very slippery slope.

gl

Hang on... just a minute.... I'm getting my habit on... OK, I can hear your confession now.   Let me say at 1 year, I can see both sides of this issue. 

On one hand, the absolute control/zero carbs plan you keep is why you fall of the wagon eventually.  No one can keep that up for ever.  I quit doing really, really low carb and added carbs back to my diet.  I'm still under 80 per day, and that is after I get my protein in.  But I do let myself go crazy for a couple of days every 2 or 3 weeks.  I eat a ton of carbs, then go back to low carbing.  That way, it's not about living in total denial every day and eventually blowing the wheels off the wagon.

On the other hand....  I've noticed that since I added carbs, I want more carbs.  When you low carb, you don't crave carbs.  Add them back to your diet, and it becomes a point of monitoring every day.  If you can't stop once you start, then it's best to not start.  I was like this, but the carb fest every 2 weeks really helps.

Find your middle ground and add back some carbs so you are not sneaking them in and feeling bad.

 

 

 

 

I don't consider myself the poster child of DS but this is what I've been doing:

I literally listen to my body to guide me through eating. If I crave a nice bowl of my awesome Italian spaghetti, I go for it (after protein of course). I noticed that when i feed my body what it wants I can go for weeks not even want to look at pasta. Most of the time I simply crave protein (because I figre that's what my body is requiring). 

Like Jashley said, if we continualy deny ourselves those evil foods we set ourselves for failure. I am mindful of carbs but I don't go nuts either. Listen to your body because it truly guides us through this journey.

Trust me, you're not breaking anything.  The self-loathing disturbs me though.  You're still a real person, and yes, we indulge.  Here's what I do to keep from going butt-wild.  I eat my protein first, for that's the priority of my meal.  After that I move to veggies, but always save a few bites for something indulgent, be it bread, potatoes or even chocolate cake.  I never feel deprived and I'm too full to get into any real trouble.

Your honesty and recognition or where the improvements can be made are a great starting point.  What you are explaining was my BIGGEST issue.  Losing of the weight wasn't the issue... it was changing my relationship with food.  I had to realize that "food isn't the problem... it is just a symptom of the problem."  I think it is VERY important to figure out WHY you let yourself get away with your own justifications and excuses.  THOSE are the small issues that will bring you back to square one. 

 

I am 3 years out.  180 lbs lost and do I sometimes eat carbs?  ABSOLUTELY.  Do I take responsibility, plan ahead and know exactly WHY, WHERE, WHAT, and HOW that carb is going into my mouth... ABSOLUTELY! 

 

Please take the time you need to CHANGE your relationship with food.  Learn to see food as the fuel you need for your body instead of a crutch, method of pleasure or emotional escape that we all tend to see food as when we start on this weight loss journey.  Don't reward yourself with food.  Reward yourself with milestones, clothing, massages, adventures. 

 

You can do this!  The surgery was the easy part.  They forget to mention HOW hard to psychological part is after surgery.  If there is ANYTHING I can do to help I am here.

 

GOOD LUCK!!! sending big hugs (((( ))))))

Don't beat yourself up. The DS is not a no-carb diet, its a low-carb diet. If you eat low carb, you will lose weight. Three tater tots, a few french fries, a couple bites of pancakes on differing days, is still well within your carb guidelines.

I couldnt eat a double cheeseburger, with the bun, until recently and I am over two years out. Enjoy the burger, but take half the bun off. Enjoy a little chocolcate covered nuts, but make sure you have a cheese stick to eat with it. The biggest risk is overconsuming carbs at the expense of protein. That would be a big no-no.

Totino's pizza? You must have been desperate! Haha

I pay for an overindulgence of carbs in the bathroom. That helps keep me in line. Perhaps a few bad days of "that" will encourage you to make better choices! Good luck.

Amy, I'm so glad you posted this! I've been feeling and doing similar things! I was feeling so bad about it, feeling like I was weak, and wasting my chance at a new life..a healthier life. I remember when things went bad with my RNY...and I knew that part of the key was turning to the right people. THIS GROUP..is the right people! I was ashamed though, but finally I came and took a peek, not sure if I was gona post, because I didn't want to be beat up on..right now I just need to feel human and get my hope back up! Reading your post, and the responses, I don't feel alone, or like a failure! Thanks again girlie!!!   and thanks to everyone else for the stories and encouragement..it touches people you don't even know, that are needing help!!!   im gona have to remember to stop in more often, it really does help keep me in check!

There's been a lot of posts on other sites as well, about overindulgence over the holidays. A DSer is at risk just like a normie! Once you get back in your routine, hopefully better choices will fall into place. Its so hard over the holidays for everyone as we let our guards down and enjoy ourselves and the people we're with. Put the guilt away, and get back on plan. You are so not alone!

I think we all need to get in line to confess, especially with the holidays so recently behind us.  I'm nearly 6 months post op and indulge in some carbs -- and sugar -- but I'm so motivated to get to my goal that I'm not beating myself up.  I really, really, really miss bread, rice, cookies, donuts, and I won't list everything because I know I'll make all of us hungry!  I had a few cookies over the holidays, and little bites of this or that.  When hubby and I go to fast food places, I'll eat a couple of his fries, and that's enough for me.  Like others have posted, we need to make protein our priority, and then if there's room after veggies, fruit -- we can bite the carbs.  But there isn't much room leftover.  The good thing is you are aware of it right now, and you do not want to let this be the start of your failure.  It isn't.  You are going to get back into the correct eating pattern, and continue losing weight.  You have gone through so much to let yourself go back -- you never went through surgery before.  But again, don't beat yourself up.  We are all determined, but we are also human.  But we are in control of what goes into our mouths.