New to this Forum

 all, I'm new to this forum, but I see some familiar faces from other places. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Gina, I had RNY in October of 2005. My husband had RNY in January of 2005. We've been married for 27 years and are trying to fight our newfound demon together. We were never more than what I'd call social drinkers, a margarita here, a daquri there. However, it all started about a year and a half to two years ago. We binge drink. I am a little different than him in the fact that I drink 5 or 6 then I black out. Some mornings I get up and there are 10  or more beer cans next to my chair.I don't remember a thing about it or how or when I even got up and wentt to bed. Don't know where the bruises and cuts and sore muscles come from. I've been told that I fall a lot, bounce off a lot of things and fight a lot. BOth my husband and my grown kids have told me this. I feeel like such an embarrassment to them all. I am a professional woman and hate being like this. Hubby on the other hand can drink a twelve pack before he even gets a buzz. He can drink a case (not sure where he puts it) sit for an hour or snooze and wake up sober and start all over again. We both realized we had a problem about a year ago. About 8 months ago, we sought help. I was basically told by a doc to take antibuse (sp?) and stop taking my Lexapro immediately and it would all go away. Needless to say I felt rejected and never got the script filled! I did however stop the Lexapro. Bad move there!! My drinking got worse! My blackouts got worse. The night I bailed out of the vehicle in a little town in Arkansas and took off down the road made me realize a lot. Number 1, I was gone before hubby coulds even see which way I went, #2 when the cops finally found me almost 2 hours later, they could very well have arrested me!!! #3 I was in the middle of no where and could have gotten killed, raped, kidnapped, etc. Since I blacked out, I don't remember anything prior to the cops picking me up. Maybe someone did pick me up, because the next morning, we found out I had gone 6 miles form where I got out! This has continued to haunt me! I just cannot remember other than bits and pieces of walking. I don't even remember why I got out or getting out for that matter! Hubby says I was screaming and ranting and raving and siad "F it, I'm outta here" and I was. We are now going to a counselor every two weeks. I'd like to say I have quit totally, but I can't make that claim right now. We both go 3 or 4 days max and then drink again. However, I can say that the drinking is a whole lot less and not as frequent. I can stop at 3-4 beers. Saturday night I even left a club (and so did he) stone cold sober. For that I am proud. When I can say I am sober x amount of days, I will be prouder. I fight it, believe me I do. I hate myself for drinking, I swear I'm "never gonna drink again", etc. Then I give in to teh power that is stronger than I am!! Both of us are looking into Vivitrol injections that is once a month.  I'd like to learn more and I am going to talk to my counselor/therapist about it. Sorry to be so long on an intro, but it helps to talk about it with folks that understand and don't flame because they  understand!! Thanks,  Gina

Hey Gina - I'm the Pam that sent you all of the clothes awhile back.  I'm right here with you girl.  My drinking got so out of control a year ago that I ended up in rehab and stayed sober 57 days and relapsed.  I've been in AA ever since.  I just keep trying to work the program - when I fall off I go right back.  They tell me to fake it until you make it - and to come back even if I fall off.  It's been really tough and I too black out.  They say that it's transfer addiction from food to alcohol and that the only way to solve it is to work the 12 steps in AA - that we drink (or ate previously) to squish things that we were feeling.  I'm working through it and wish you the best - it was good hearing from you again.

Nice to hear from you Pam! Thanks so much for the welcome and your support!  Hugz, Gina

Hi Gina, Welcome.  You are in the right place.  Check out the AA Big Book online, and read the first part of it and see if you can relate to it.  http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm It would also be helpful if you can attend AA meetings and learn from other women how to NOT drink when you get the urge.   I have been in AA for almost 19 years.  The 12 Steps are a program for living that apply to all people, not just alcoholics.  I have applied it to my eating, my shopping, my drinking and my sexual relationships.  The only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking.  You can find meetings online also. Good luck.  Keep posting and let us know how you do. Trish

Trish,  Thanks so much for all the info and the welcome. It's not going to be easy, I know that, but with the support of those around me, I feel confident! Hugz, Gina

Hi Gina.. I'm so happy that you found your way here.. it really is a wonderful little place on the OH Site.  It's one of my homes that I come to daily to gather strength and to let loose when I need/want to.   Also let me tell you.. your story sure does ring a bell.  Altho I have been an alcoholic prior to WLS.. but just didn't know it at the time.  I always just thought I partied hard.. and boy did I have fun.  And it is fun.. the people.. the lifestyle.. I think that's why trying to beat the addiction can so hard sometimes.  Except when that fun starts paying out drama and I have to start dealing with consequences.. then it's not so much fun anymore.   I have drank hard (binge drinker also) for many years.. campouts.. bar nite weekends with the girlfriends.. Busch races.. Pub Crawls..  tailgate parties.. parties to just party.. and most often I would binge drink into a blackout and eventually passout.  Like you.. I even remember being at a bar..  *thought* I heard talking about me and got mad and left.. took off walking..  thankfully friends I was with picked me up and took me home.   Thinking back.. I think I just *imagined* hearing people talk about me.. *crazy*.   Anywho.. I would party for awhile and then slack off because I would get scared thinking I had a problem.   Well.. after WLS.. my already disease escalated.. I lost weight.. felt great about myself and wanted to share it.  The only place I knew to do that at was my home bars and they were the only *friends* I knew.  Well  about a couple years out from WLS I got my first DUI.. I blew a .250 and did house arrest due to blowing twice the legal limit.  Also while in drunk class I remember being scared to death wondering how I was NOT going to get another DUI.. statistics saying I would was high.  So.. I began my drinking at home.. and there started becoming a prisoner.  I would worry what I would do if I were to be drunk and got a call from the hospital saying mom/dad needed me and I couldn't be there.  Also it just wasn't fun anymore.  The reason to drink was to party with friends.. but now I was alone at home.. needing to drink.  NOT FUN.. but couldn't stop either.   So.. eventually I met Dan.. (from off the Singles Board)..  he also has had WLS.. and due to his addiction and me seeing him drunk.. I realized that it just wasn't attractive.. actually seeing a slobbering falling down drunk is ugly..  (and I too fell down.. would wake up with shower curtain torn down.. or me passed out on the bathroom floor.  I would typically drink and be in a blackout within 2 hours and passed out in 4.)  I knew that that is what I looked like when I drank UGLY.  So with helping Dan get sober.. I found Sobriety myself.   I don't know (if for me)  it's just plain damn stubborness or what.. but I just have not had the craving to drink..  sometimes I would think of the drink.. but I will talk to myself telling me where all it's taken me and where it will lead me.  And so far.. it's working for me..  I did get involve with AA and recommend it highly.. altho I would also say do as I say and not as I do.. I have skipped meetings and been okay.  Dan cannot skip meetings without slipping.  I do love the meetings.. so many wonderful people and I'm always inspired.  Not sure why I don't go more... but I digress.. Hope that you stick around here.. we sure can use your support And DITTO what Trish said.. she's one smart cookie !!

Dear Sweet Rhonda,  Thank you so much for being there for me and others like me. It's hard to know where to turn sometimes and I certainly am not accountable to myself. No matter how much I yell at me, talk sweet to me or be sincer with me, I never listen! LOL Sometimes just knowing I'm (actually we) are not alone speaks volumes! Hugz! Muah! Gina

((((gina)))) others can support you.. offer you great words of wisdom.. and even offer you a hand up..  but only YOU can learn to be accountable for YOUR actions.. with your HigherPower! in my eyes *I tried to keep someone else sober* and it's costing me *my happiness*.. YOU will have to find your path..  allow others to help you, but realize that they cannot do it for YOU no matter how much they wish they could.. 

Hi Gina!! Welcome to the best board around! This little corner of "Safe n Comfy" is my refuge! I've 'met' some wonderful, STRONG people here, and I'm delighted to meet you!  I think AA is a wonderful organization and I use them when I am spiralling. I've been sober 22 years and didn't use AA at the time. I WISH I DID...it would have been so much easier and I wouldn't have had to feel alone.  My husband and I have both stopped and support is key. I'm glad you and your DH can support each other. I agree with Rhonda and Trish. Even a meeting online will help.  Welcome to the board!! Marie

Marie,  Thanks for the welcome! Wow, 22 years of sobriety! Now that's something to be proud of! I know that one day I too can list the number of days, weeks, months and years! Hugz, Gina