I have bipolar 1 and addiction issues, feeling pretty lonely and hopeless
Hi everyone. I had WLS 2005 when I was 19. Im now 27. I was diagnosed with Bipolar a few years before that. Today, I see a psychiatrist who prescribes me 300mg lithium 2x a day, 20mg lexapro, 25mg seroquel and 400mg nuerotin 4x a day, Sometimes I take more nuerotin than Im prescribed. This is the only drug I am misusing right now. I am involved with AA, I have a sponsor, go to meetings and preform service. I am still miserable. I just want to get through one day without feeling like dying. Will I ever wake up wanting to live through the day. HELP!
You state that you are bipolar I and you are involved with AA. Are you really an alcoholic, or is that the only 12 step available to you?
Sometimes mental health professionals will tell you AA just because the steps and traditions work. If you are still miserable, maybe alcohol is not the issue. I was pointed that way when my problem had absolutely nothing to do with alcohol, but involved other drugs.
12 step programs are not for everybody, just like any other treatment. Find what works for you. I suspect, that like me, you simply need another human being in your life that will be non-judgemental and love you unconditionally.
Being starved for human companionship is probably the most painful feeling a person can experience, especially in a society where it seems everyone is coupled up and the assumption is that everyone has a family. I know it's that way for me.
I keep trying to figure out and fix whatever it is that is wrong with me. I figure it must be me, since it seems everyone else in the world has someone. I and my insurance companies have probably spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the past several years trying to find that ever-elusive answer.
I'm now trying to learn to accept the unacceptable - aloneness.
I hope things get better for you. Though I don't have any answers, I do understand what you're going through.
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I've been living with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder for the last 15 years, and there have been some truly dark periods along the way. I can say for certain that lithium and seroquel were two of the worst drugs I ever took. If they work for you, that's wonderful, but they put me in "zombie mode" for over a year, and I gained half a person in weight. Lamictal, which is weight neutral and not quite so muddy feeling, has been the key for me. Also, in anticipation of my surgery, I joined a DBT group earlier this year. The group has done wonders for me. First, it gets me out and talking with others. Next, the mindfulness skills, distress tolerance strategies, and emotional regulation skills have been amazing. I am much better at recognizing my symptoms, analyzing them, and making a constructive plan. I wish you the best.
on 2/28/13 7:27 am - WA
Can totally relate to all u shared about. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 years before my WLS and was about 15 years clean and sober as well. I have been successful with taking the weight off but did ultimately relapse as a result of self medicating my unrecognized bipolar episodes. I began abusing prescription meds and ended up suicidal and in a dual diagnosis ward. I am clean and sober again but in intense treatment now to get myself mentally stable. I am on short term disability from work as my pdoc and I work out a med ****tail that's going to keep me even keeled. Currently I am on 200 mg Lamictal, 900 mg Lithium and 300 mg Wellbutrin. I am just now starting to feel a little normal after about 4 months.....but I know I am still in the infancy stage of getting well again. I am afraid of weight gain with these new meds but I am willing to allow some pounds if it means staying alive and giving my kids the stable mother they deserve. I have been on a friggen roller coaster for years and I can definitely attest to the fact that just because we lose the weight, life doesnt get all fine and dandy.
Good luck!
