The main problem is that Medicare only pays 50% of what Medicare considers a proper amount when it comes to psychotherapy (as opposed to 80% for most medical things), and most people on disability can't afford enough appointments when having to pay so much.  It is a huge blessing that I have a Medigap supplemental insurance plan that pays for the 50% Medicare doesn't.  Medicare's discriminatory policy (50% vs 80%) is set to change, I think around 2014(?), the last I heard of this legislation.  It stinks for so many people that there's a long wait for this.

In the meantime, if money to afford therapy is an issue, check out your county's designated Community Mental Health Center.  (If I understand correctly, every county in the US has one.)  It gets tax money that makes it possible for them to offer therapy at a way reduced rate based on the client's income.

Trish,
I have watched/read and chatted with you for almost 2 years now.  I am so proud of your accomplishments - even when you are in a downturn.  You amaze me.  Me - I made it through the holidays barely.  I was just diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer (on Dec. 23rd - Merry Christmas) and now I will be having a biopsy on my neck as my lymph nodes are swollen and painful and nothing is helping.  Doc is concerned that I may also have lymphoma as well.  I will keep you updated.
Thinking of you.  Congrats on the 11 days.  19 months here.
Kathy

You described me throughout most of my adult life, prior to my surgery.  I threw things, cut, raged, flipped out, ate, drank, cut some more, hit, threw temper tantrums galore.  Only with the help of a therapist and psychiatric meds did I get some stability, which I can throw away in a new York minute by drinking again.

Trust is a huge issue for me.  I have seen the same therapist for almost 20 years.  Took me 14 years to trust him enough that I would cry in front of him.  I still believe he will abandon me, and drop me as his patient if I don't get better, or start drinking.  I have even lashed out at him, in a drunken rage, on his voicemail.

My diagnoses include binge eating disorder, alcoholism, borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.  What has helped me, medication, intensive psychotherapy, active participation in outpatient treatment for both the eating disorder, (pre-op) and alcoholsim (for the past year), as well as regular attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

If you truly want to get better, you will have to do things differently than you do them now.  It will mean not always getting things you want when you want them.  I might mean giving up addictions, like alcohol and nicotine.  It will also mean taking the risk of participating in psychotherapy again.  I speak from personal experience.  

Because of my outrageous behavior, I lost my marriage, and hurt my children terribly.  Thank God they have forgiven me, and care about me now.  But, in my outrageous acting out, I got myself into over $60,000 of credit card debt, which I am now in bankruptcy for.  I also participated in sexual acting out for several years after my divorce.  

I am not proud of any of that.  It has brought me deep shame, especially because I am now a psychotherapist myself at a psychiatric hospital.  I was able to go to graduate school and earn a Masters in Social Work.  I hear my therapist constantly saying, "Physician, Heal Thyself."  I can lose my social work license if I keep drinking, not to mention the risks I take of possibly driving under the influence.

I am concerned for you, because I vaguely remember you posting on the PA Forum, and not being happy with some of the responses you received.  I hope you are able to take honest feedback, as that is what I am about.  I speak from my own pain, and experience.  I learned some tough lessons, and after my husband walked out, I had to take an honest look at my behavior and realize that I was nothing more than a spoiled child, and at the age of 44, that is humiliating.  When my own children behaved more maturely, and more rationally than me, I knew I had to grow up and take responsibility for myself.

Good luck,
Trish
 

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I had some anger issues after surgery.  Like you, I was in a horribly abusive marriage for 12 years.  Just about every bone in my body was broken at some point.  Marriage ended when I got the courage to say I was leaving, hubby took aim and fired at me, missed, shot his dog then himself.  I got angrier and angrier after finding out how much debt we were in and that he was running around on me.  Went to many counseling sessions.  Still have nightmares and sometimes something will trigger a memory.  I have remarried, hubby is a saint.  I have my anger under control.  I take depression meds and bipolar meds - it really helps me.  You really need to talk to someone.  Put down the drink.  I will not scold you on smoking as I was quit for many years and picked up over the summer.  Looking forward to putting it down soon.
You will be in my thoughts.
Kathy

 OK thanks for the number I will call you sometime..right now..phone is turned off. Christmas hurt the pocket.