10/29 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Virtually all of us suffered the defect of pride when we sought help through The Program, the Twelve Steps, and the fellowship of those who truly understood what we felt and where we had been. We learned about our shortcomings -- and of pride in particular -- and began to replace self-satisfaction with gratitude for the miracle of our recovery, gratitude for the privilege of working with others, and gratitude for God's gift -- which enabled us to turn catastrophe into good fortune. HAVE I BEGUN TO REALIZE THAT "PRIDE IS TO CHARACTER LIKE THE ATTIC TO THE HOUSE -- THE HIGHEST PART, AND GENERALLY THE MOST EMPTY..."?

TODAY I PRAY
God, please tell me if I am banging my shins on my own pride. Luckily for me, The Program has its own built-in check for flaws like this -- the clear-eyed vision of the group, which sees in me what I sometimes cannot see myself. May I know that any kind of success has always gone straight to my head, and be watching for it as I begin to reconstruct my confidence.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
"Success" can be a setback.

 

I started Lamictal in July, since then I've put 30 lbs on (10 after my last increase), I just had to increase today and I'm terrified. Those 30 lbs are gonna be hard nough to get off. I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 10th. This is NOT helping my Bulimia or the fasting/restricting activities at all. I'm taking even more laxatives, diuretics. I'm just really screwed up right now. My normal daily intake is around 600 calories on a good day and typically that includes purging at least once or twice or so, I was told to take half the calories away for everything I purge because I still get some from it. Typically I keep it down round 2-300. I'm exercising.

I'm new here but my dx's are Bulimia, GAD, BPD, Bipolar and major depressive disorder. I have been struggling with the ED since 6 months post op (and I had a lot of complications sooo this has made things worse). I have a great treatment team that includes a DBT therapist, ED therapist, psychiatrist, my surgeon, my surgeons dietitian and my PCP. Since we don't have 50k to get into an inpatient/residential treatment for the ED we're trying to treat it on an outpatient basis. Right now to make sure my electrolytes and crap are okay they're making me have labs done twice a week. So far other than my HGB and HCT (which have always been low) dropping from 11.4 to 10.2 in two weeks my electrolytes have been "ok" which means JUST barely normal but normal nonetheless. I'm kinda worried bout how fast the HGB and all is dropping BUT it's been 9 months since my last iron infusions and that could be pretty normal or the fact I've been having massive nose bleeds too. IDK but I'm soooooooooooooooooooo tired of all of this.

The weight gain has me terrified at this point, I had to buy pants a size bigger than I normally wear because I got rid of most my fat clothes. If they don't take me off the Lamictal I will definitely be back to my beginning weight in 4-5 months seriously the way things are going.

Anyways enough whining from me... Just wanted to introduce myself a little bit and vent.

 I'm so happy for you! I'm glad to hear she is doing so well. I can't imagine how scary that must have been for you.

Melanie

10/28 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
"Pride, like a magnet, constantly points to one object, self; unlike the magnet, it has no attractive pole, but at all points repels." Colton.

When the earliest members of The Program discovered just how spiritually prideful they could be, they admonished one another to avoid "instant sainthood." That old-time warning could be taken as an alibi to excuse us from doing our best, but it's really The Program's way of warning against "pride blindness" and the imaginary perfections we don't possess. AM I BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRIDE AND HUMILITY?

TODAY I PRAY
May God, who in His mercy has saved our lives, keep us from setting ourselves up as the saints and prophets of The Program. May we recognize the value of our experiences for others without getting smug about it. May we remember with humility and love the thousands of other "old hands" who are equally well-versed in its principles.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will avoid "instant sainthood."