Paula,

You are in the battle of your life.  With being an alcoholic and having WLS, you are doomed from the start.  I am 29 years old, had my original surgery when I was 21 and very quickly became an alcoholic.  I didn't recognize it at first and then, it took me a long time to accept it.  In the meantime of figuring out I was an alcoholic, I ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis, tore the insides of my pouch apart (drastically), got 2 DUI's...within 6 months of each other and on and on. 

This disease will take you and everything you love down.  Quickly.  Yes, I understand you are in pain... but that's not why you drink.  You drink because you're an alcoholic.  You drink because thats what you know how to do.  Stopping is painful, confusing and discouraging at times.  You need to start going to meetings.  Meet other women that have walked your walk.  No matter how different you will feel from everyone else, you are far from. 

Find a meeting.  Do to it often.  Try to stop drinking inbetween.  I don't know how deep your addiction is but you may need the help of medical professionals to get away from the booze.  Once you are abstinent from alcohol, you will be given the opportunity to start working on yourself and your character defects. 

Eventually, I became grateful to be an alcoholic.  I never learned coping skills growing up and really, had no idea how to live.  Alcoholics Anonymous has started giving me the tools to deal with life... the good, the bad, the painful... all of it.  You don't need to drink to live.  I promise. 

Feel free to shoot me a private message if you would like.  I know Rhonda and I are always willing to talk to other alcoholics and help.  The road isn't easy ....in fact, it freakin sucks most of the time right now for me personally.. but it's worth it. 

Good luck.

~ shannon

02/25 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
Before we came to The Program, fear ruled our lives.  Tyrannized by our addictions and obsessions, we feared everything and everybody.  We feared ourselves and, perhaps most of all, feared fear itself.  These days, when I am able to accept the help of my Higher Power, it makes me feel capable of doing anything I am called upon to do.  I am overcoming my fears and acquiring a comfortable new confidence.  CAN I BELIEVE THAT "COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS. . ."?

TODAY I PRAY
God grant that through faith in Him I may overcome my obsessive fears.  I have been running scared for so long it has become a habit.  God help me to see that I may be purposely clinging to my fears to avoid making decisions, perhaps even to shirk the responsibility of success.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Fear keeps me safe from risk-taking.

Have you considered psychotherapy and learning coping skills, and self-soothing?  I would be lost without mine right now, though I am not having a good week just now.

Trish

Congrats... One day at a time...

I am not an expert on this but you have admitted that you have an issue so now is the time to do something about it.. To thine own self be true.. I know that I have to answer to the man in the mirror and that is who I am responsible for but you have a child and you have to look out for her too..

There are several means to get help.. Seek them out..