I had a bit of a wow moment last week, which evolved into a whoa moment and then finally culminated in a woe moment.  Although hurt, I can finally speak about it.

Last week I was doing rounds and had the opportunity to discuss a patient with my surgeon.  We had spoke for a good ten minutes and about to "wrap things up" when he realized who I was.  He said he did not recognize me at all.  We went on to discuss where I was on my journey, I am down close to 200 lbs in under 2 years, I am 4 pounds away from normal BMI. . .as a friend remarked today I lost her, or more eloquently put, I had been hauling her around before my surgery. . .pleasant t visual eh!

At any rate I was told by my surgery that it was time to stop losing and start maintaining, Uh I am working on that!!

I shared my wow/whoa moment with some friends, one of whom is a very big guy.  He is still pretty much in denial, with a severe case of dyslexic anorexia, he holds that he only weighs350 pounds, I am not so sure about that, but. . .He did express interest in WLS but wants to make one more go at the diet and exercise route, and I am trying to support him through this.  When I finished telling him that my surgeon told me to stop losing his response was nasty and uncalled for.

He said I needed to be honest with my self and admit I really needed to lose another 20 pounds.  When I argued that there is still a need for plastics.

We met today for lunch I  I told him I was 4 pounds shy of normal BMI he laughed and suggested that I was lying (one of those if you are 4 pounds away from normal I am as thin as a pencil statements was made)  I was really hurt by this.  Here I am less than 2 years after VSG, looking good, getting compliments all the time and here is some bozo, who himself needs to do something definitive about his weight bring me tumbling back down to the world of self doubt.  After thinking for days about this I realized my success amplifies his failures.  I am very hurt by his comments, and trying not to make an equally mean comment his way.  I wonder if I am over reacting. . .

How would you feel?  What would you say??

Some people are prone to negativity and what better way to harvest it through other peoples success...don't harp on it...hopefully he's smart enough to realize that you attempted to turn on the light for him...the rest is up to him :)

hi Leona ,your doing great in your weightloss journey, your almost normal. your an inspiration on those who have started the process . but you have to look at where the statement is coming from .he is jealous that you have gotten there and he hasnt .you said it yourself . your sucess amplifies his failure .not everyone is going to be supportive .you said that he is thinking of surgery   be there for him in his journey he hasnt gotten there yet. but i wouldnt take the negative comment from either ,

Anna

 Thanks guys, my worry was that I was being "over sensitive" then I realized he was working hrd to burst my bubble.  He needs a friend and am there for him

First of all congratulations on both the Wow and the Whoa!  You have done spectacular and absolutely NOTHING should be allowed to detract from that...don't let it.  You deserve the koodos!  You have done phenomenal!!! 

Second, I agree he is jealous, and keenly more aware of his own weight.  He wouldn't be aware of how much he perceives as excess weight is truly excess skin, not that it should matter anyway, the filter obviously doesn't work or was overridden.  He was rude, whatever his reasons, and returning his comments with negativity would have meant reducing yourself to the same level.  I am glad you didn't do that...he is probably really hurting inside and doesn't know how to deal with it, or isn't ready to.

Lori

That is such a sad story.  That poor guy is so far into denial about his own condition that he is also denying your success.  I have a friend who constantly tells me that my weight loss "doesn't count" because I "cheated" by having surgery.  I used to try to reason with her but now I just smile and tell her that I am feeling great and I am very thankful to have my success no matter how I got it.  Also I try to avoid "weight" discussions with this friend, maybe you should try avoiding the subject of weight with your friend too?  BTW ... Congrats on your almost normal BMI.    Try not to let one bad apple spoil your growing self confidence.

oh brother.... so an alcoholic who stops drinking after going to AA cheated? someone who stops smoking after using a patch cheated? ugh this is an aid... people are soooooooooo stupid.

The saddest part about a bully is how painful their own lives are. It seems to me that he is hurting inside and seeing your success, exactly as you said, amplifies his own failures. It seems that in order to combat this own pain, he has to tried to inflict pain on others by minimizing your success as best he can.

if the best he can do is to say that you need to lose another 20lbs after already having lost +200...????? well.....I would say that speaks for itself.

I always tell my children that they should feel sorry for the bullies at school. Stay away from them....but never stoop to their evel because they are hurting on the inside more than anyone could possibly guess.

Congratulations on your success. Nobody can take that away from you whether you have 4 lbs or 40lbs left to lose....you have achieved more than most people could dream of and YOU did it!!! Pat yourself on the back for that and dont allow one TINY (because apart from their size-really-this person is very small) person have any sort of power over you to take that away :)

smile and say 'thanks for your opinion. I'm following the advice of my bariatric team".

then stick pins in a large voodoo doll that you've made.

 haha