OT: My Cat: Chapter 32 of My Memoirs: Memories of a Fat Girl
So I've been in the hospital about 5 days. Several concered calls from my son, who is babystiittng "THE CAT".
Day 2
Jesse: Mom, seriously when are you coming home? Kirby is screaming.
Me: (on morphine) Please feed him and tell him I'll be home soon.
Jesse: I fed him, gave him water...... he won't eat.
Me: He's chubby. He'll live.
Jesse: Sure. Whatever.
Day 3
Jesse: MOM... are you coming home yet??
Me: No, I"m still really sick. How are YOU?
Jesse: Never mind about me. Kirby is having an emotional breakdown. He thinks you died or something.
Me; I'm on morphine, not dead. Feed him. He likes that.
Jesse: I did. He's not eating. Or drinking.
Me: Buy him some treats.
Day 4
Jesse: MOM SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU OKAY? KIRBY WANTS TO KNOW.
Me: (on morphine) Tell him to text me. I'll work it out.
later
Kirby: Yo *****! You LEFT ME?? WIth THIS guy??!!
Me. Awww... Mommy will be home soon.
Kirby: I'll be sloeeping in your bed, Don't mind the "mess"
Me: WTF?
Day 5
Kirby: Mom"? Mommy" Meowmy:?
Me. I'll be home later today. Chill. Eat something.
Jesse: Told you he was losing it.
Me. It's your fault for teaching him how to text. Feed him. He likes that.
Jesse: He bit me yesteray and today.
Me: Those are love bites. Take it like a man.
Day 6
I sneak gingerly into the house, talk to Jesse who is on the chouch.
Jesse: Your cat is crazy.
Me: I know. But he loves me.
Jesse: No **** he hasn't eatien in days.
Me: I"m sure he's fine. He'll get over it.
Kirby (who magially hears my voice in the living room): MOOOOOOM! MEEOOOWWWM!
Karen and Jesse break a gut laughing : Guess he heard I'm home.
Jesse: Word.
Kirby comes tearing up the stairs, screaming MOM! MOM Meeeeowwwwm!
Giggles and laughter ensue, much to the shegrin of said cat.
Me. Awww..... hi Kirby! Mommy's home!
Kirby: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!
Me. Come here sweetheart.
Kirby, who knocks over everything on the coffee table, jumps on my lap, licks my face and then just sits there and stares at me.
Me: Did you miss me:
Kirby: pfffft. (walks away, tail in the air, I think he tooted in my general direction)
Me. Well. Couldn't have missed me that much! Thanks for taking care of him. What's for dinner?
Kirby: (from basement) You will be mine ***** Mark my words YOU WILL BE MINE.
Day 2
Jesse: Mom, seriously when are you coming home? Kirby is screaming.
Me: (on morphine) Please feed him and tell him I'll be home soon.
Jesse: I fed him, gave him water...... he won't eat.
Me: He's chubby. He'll live.
Jesse: Sure. Whatever.
Day 3
Jesse: MOM... are you coming home yet??
Me: No, I"m still really sick. How are YOU?
Jesse: Never mind about me. Kirby is having an emotional breakdown. He thinks you died or something.
Me; I'm on morphine, not dead. Feed him. He likes that.
Jesse: I did. He's not eating. Or drinking.
Me: Buy him some treats.
Day 4
Jesse: MOM SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU OKAY? KIRBY WANTS TO KNOW.
Me: (on morphine) Tell him to text me. I'll work it out.
later
Kirby: Yo *****! You LEFT ME?? WIth THIS guy??!!
Me. Awww... Mommy will be home soon.
Kirby: I'll be sloeeping in your bed, Don't mind the "mess"
Me: WTF?
Day 5
Kirby: Mom"? Mommy" Meowmy:?
Me. I'll be home later today. Chill. Eat something.
Jesse: Told you he was losing it.
Me. It's your fault for teaching him how to text. Feed him. He likes that.
Jesse: He bit me yesteray and today.
Me: Those are love bites. Take it like a man.
Day 6
I sneak gingerly into the house, talk to Jesse who is on the chouch.
Jesse: Your cat is crazy.
Me: I know. But he loves me.
Jesse: No **** he hasn't eatien in days.
Me: I"m sure he's fine. He'll get over it.
Kirby (who magially hears my voice in the living room): MOOOOOOM! MEEOOOWWWM!
Karen and Jesse break a gut laughing : Guess he heard I'm home.
Jesse: Word.
Kirby comes tearing up the stairs, screaming MOM! MOM Meeeeowwwwm!
Giggles and laughter ensue, much to the shegrin of said cat.
Me. Awww..... hi Kirby! Mommy's home!
Kirby: MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!
Me. Come here sweetheart.
Kirby, who knocks over everything on the coffee table, jumps on my lap, licks my face and then just sits there and stares at me.
Me: Did you miss me:
Kirby: pfffft. (walks away, tail in the air, I think he tooted in my general direction)
Me. Well. Couldn't have missed me that much! Thanks for taking care of him. What's for dinner?
Kirby: (from basement) You will be mine ***** Mark my words YOU WILL BE MINE.
Karen
Ontario Recipes Forum - http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/ontario_recipes/ 
Tragically a chapter from my book.
Karen
Ontario Recipes Forum - http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/ontario_recipes/
Blu-Diva 
That's awesome - you're home? What happened?
Never mind, found the thread.
Never mind, found the thread.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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