Completely Fallen

I am not here to be beaten up on...only to have a public place to start fresh.  I had my RNY surgery on March 20th of this year.  I have lost  103lbs.  However, starting mid August I start to slack in writing in my food journal, then I was getting less exercise and slowly things started to go down hill.  I will not bore you with all the stress and stressors that came into my life, or that are still there and getting larger.  I will say that it needs to stop.  I have been know in my past to make poor choices in times of stress.  This has been no different.  My portions have become bigger and when they aren't bigger I'm choosing bad foods.  Chocolate, chips, pasta and candy...they have all been in my days.  The sad part is that even though they make me sick I just kept doing it...over and over.  I - a non coffee drinker before surgery now drink it daily.  Just to survive some days.  I am no longer exercising, just working.  I don't sleep well, I don't get even close to the amount of water in each day that I should...I feel completely out of control. A few nights ago I binged on NSA cookies.  That was my breaking point.  I needed to go into a store to get some things for my child but I couldn't.  I was afraid that I would buy junk food to eat.  Scared I went home.  The next day I made a call to my work.  I have taken a week off, telling them minor complications due to my surgery.  I know if I don't get ahold of this right now I will fail.

On monday I am starting towards my promising future again.  This time I will be here for support and guidance.  This time I will not allow people around me to force me into dealing with their stress.  People will be angry with me, but I cannot loose this battle.

I welcome any questions.  I welcome any support.  I welcome any suggestions.  Just please don't beat me up.  I've done enough of that to myself already.

Thank you.

I suggest calling the social worker at your clinic and get in to talk to her.  Hopefully she will help you with some strategizing over how to get past this bad spell and on to healthier ways.  Good luck.

Beth gave you a good idea!  I would add you should seek help from your GP for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist for help.  As you know WLS is simply a tool but you have to work with it.  So seek help so you can.  Take care!  

Realising you have a problem is a good start.

good luck with your struggle

thanks for sharing your story. How courageous! It would be so much easier not to say something. I really applaud you for that.  You are wonderful.

Whenever I have a problem - I try to get it into 3 categories. "some things I have no control over" - "somethings I have control over" - and "some I have partial control over".

When I have no control over it - I pu**** aside. A waste of my effort to do something about it. Focus on the things that you do have control over ( and the only thing you have total control over is yourself - and that is the only thing) - and some when you have partial control over try to change or modify those things and put your focus on those issues.

We all have nasty days - but try to start a fresh day tomorrow. And you made a major step already by writing about it. That means that you recognize you need to make some changes. And that is major!! and not easy!!.

Start a gratitude journal - write something great about yourself every day.

I know you'll be ok.

Please let us know what changes you implemented and how it went.

:)

Mar

 

Thank you Mar.  I teared up reading what you wrote.  It truly touched my heart.  I know that not all is lost and I will use everyone's suggestions.  That's what I need right now....people who can understand what my body has been through and where it's going.

we're all in this together... ;)

 

You're already off to a great start...knowing that you are on a slippery slope and working on the plan to make a change.  I feel for you and am in a similar situation.  It is so true that we had surgery on our stomach not on our brain...I think I'd sign up for that next if it were available...lol

Keep in perspective how far you've already come in this journey and that you can and will keep going.  The time you have off of work could help you establish a new routine of putting yourself 1st...lots of protein, lots of water, being kind to yourself, exercise-something you enjoy and some structure to your eating...sounds like advice I should follow myself...

This is obviously a trying time for you and if your support system is not being supportive, maybe a family meeting is a way to gain their attention where you tell them what you need them to do...I find my family is not as intuitive as I think they are sometimes...if they know what you need they might be better at supporting you.

Good Luck to you...remember YOU are WORTH it!! 

Courage doesn't always ROAR...sometimes it is the quiet voice that says I will try again tomorrow...

Like everyone said, this is a good start and the fact that you recognize what's going on is great. I'm in the same boat I'm about 18 mos out of surgery, but lately I've also slacked on the excersise, food choices (oh so bad) and letting my portions get a little bigger. We're all in it together, we all can understand what ur feeling and hope you can get right back on track.
I'm looking forward to getting back there myself!

Good luck and let us know how you're doing, you can do it!!!

Amy

Big Hugs.........Have faith, you can do hard things, you have already!! 

Take a deep breathe, tomorrow is another day .  You cannot change the past, but you can change the future :-)

Hang, in there, good luck!!