Funky town... anyone else been here and how do I find my way back home?? LONG and...

I am in a very happy and supportive marriage right now, but having a really difficult time with my teenager from a previous marriage, mostly due to my manipulative and vindictive ex.  I don't feel comfortable going into details, but it's very hard situation to deal with, and has been for a long time.  Luckily, I have the support of my husband through it, which makes all the difference.  It sounds like you're getting it all at once - trouble in your relationship with your partner AND your kid, and that can't be easy.  That's a lot to handle, and we know how we always handled that stuff before - more food please!

One thing I will say is that sometimes relationships have to end when compatibility ends.  I hope that things work out for you and your partner.  But if it turns out that your relationship has to end, don't beat yourself up about being a "WLS relationship statistic".  It happens, and it doesn't make you a bad person or a selfish person or anything else.  We often "settle" in relationships when we're not ready to look for more or don't want to be alone, either because of a lack of energy or a lack of confidence.  (Not just obese people, either - I used to do that while I was obese, and I broke the pattern while I was still obese - and lots of thin people get into these kind of relationship patterns too.)

I don't really have any advice on what you could or should do, but just wanted to say that you're not alone when it comes to dealing with family issues, and just wanted to offer my empathy and support.

Thanks so much for your kind words. It really helps knowing that someone else gets it.

I hope things work out for you and your teen. Can't believe I'm saying it but oh, how I long for the terrible twos all over again. They were much easier to deal with!

You're telling me. :(  Thanks.

I won't even begin to give you any advice, but just wanted you to know that I believe I would feel the same way given your situation...I think your responses are normal.  Just know that I will be thinking about you, your son, your friend...know I will be holding you all in the tenderness of my heart over the next few weeks and if you need to talk, please feel free to message me.

I will say, I am impressed at your abillity to name your feelings...and to not just shut down.  I believe that naming and identifying feelings is the first step in being able to move through situations in a more healthy way...

May blessings and deep  peace be yours

Kim

Thank you so much, Kim. Your words are heartfelt and I really appreciate them. Your kindness has touched me deeply.

aww Thea, Big hugs to you....

Your son....YOU have NOT failed him...... Have things changed recently with him? Something that started this change? Does he want help? Most likely not.... Teenagers think they are invincible...(my oldest hasn't spoken to me in 3 yrs...)

I can't and won't try to give advice on the S.O..... Having my own issues there too.....

Things are so overwhelming, please don't forget to think of your health in all of this too......  

I sometimes find myself wishing away the days until all the kids are out of the house so the stress level drops to a relatively workable level,..... That is just not right.....

Find your release.... Walking, reading, a craft, social group, a movie with a friend. and of course OH forum.... We are all here to support in any way we can...Even if it is just to tell you we are listening....

May everything work out as you desire.... Hugs!

Boy, do you get it or what?!

I will find my release - eventually. LOL! I have not given up... just re-working my coping mechanisms is all.

Thanks for your kind words. I have confidence that we will both persevere through these challenges.

Just my two cents.  Nobody can tell you what you should do.  Only you have the full picture.

If it was me, and the commitment question came up and I just wasn't sure or ready to make a drastic move, I would simply ask for more time, in particular because you have gone through massive changes and continue to go through these changes.  It's probably not quite the right time to make even more changes until things settle down a little bit.  Hopefully he will understand that, and you can make some decisions without this tremendous pressure.  After all, it has been six years...surely he can wait a few more months for a decision.  If he doesn't understand, then maybe that's fate.

On top of it all, dealing with your son has to take priority.  I agree with the comment that some tough love is needed.  If your son doesn't want to go to school, fine, then he has to start paying you room and board, or move out and start paying his own way.  Of course, that's easy for me to say...I know there's a lot more to it than that.  But a dose of the real world is often enough to shake someone up a bit.  But also be sure to let him know that you love and support him, and only want the best for him, and that you will be there for him if he changes his mind.  But the rules should be established:  can live rent free while going to school; no school, no free ride!

Again...two cents...for what it's worth! 

Good luck!!

The move wouldn't be immediately. We're looking at May or June if it happens. He's not pressuring me to move immediately but I'm pressuring myself to decide already. LOL!

As I responded to another poster, I'm kind of in limbo with my son. He cannot legally quit school and work for another couple of months so the rent/moving out thing is out of the question. I wi**** was sooner. As it stands, I have little control over the situation until he turns 18.

Thanks for your advice and kind words. I really do appreciate it.

I agree with 'Delicious D'