Funky town... anyone else been here and how do I find my way back home?? LONG and...

I am truly sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. Have you thought about calling the clinic and see if you can go and talk to the social worker. It may just help. She can help you figure out how to deal with everything instead of turning to food. I know years ago i went through a rough time and I can say I was glad to go and talk to someone. It does help. Thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers

Yes, I know I should probably talk to someone but I'm so reluctant. I have no idea why. I think it's just difficult for me to admit I need help. I'm working on this. It's one of my flaws that I need to always project a facade of "everything's ok".
 

Thanks for you kind words.

Hi there. I can't help with your teen, as my oldest is almost 10.

The relationship post-WLS, I can relate to. I was married for 15 years, and together for 18 total. Since we were 19. He cheated almost from the beginning. I knew, but turned a blind eye. We had two wonderful children. The "other" relationships (yes, plural) came out in the open. It was "just who I am" he said. And I allowed that. I felt worthless, and turned to food more than ever. So much so that I couldn't wait for him to go out and be with other people, so I could sit at home after the kids went to bed and have a smorgasboard of food. We went through therapy many times, and I always conceded.

When I went on Optifast, I broke down. I cried and told him that I wouldn't be able to stay in our marriage without food. He disagreed, and said it would be fine.

It wasn't. The surgery peeled away the gauze that had covered my eyes for so long. I knew I deserved more. So I got the courage to finally do what I should have done a long time ago, and we separated. By the time he actually moved, I was 9 months post-RNY. I was able to eat more, and so I did. I was 10 pounds from goal, and stayed there until I got my act together and shook my head and moved on. Dropped the last 10 pounds after 1 year.

Luckily I only stayed in my funk for a few months. I know others who have ended relationships, had tragedies and such early out, and never made it to goal after turning to food so early. Get help if you can. Posting here is a wonderful way to start! Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Thanks for this, Kelly. Just knowing that you made your way out of your funk gives me hope!

By the way, congrats on getting rid of the ass. You most certainly deserve more! You are a fantastic person and deserve someone who knows you are enough.

I am sending a big hug your way!  That is a lot to deal with at one time.  I think that the advice given thus far is on the mark.  Do you feel like you need to make a decision regarding your relationship with S at this time?  Can it wait for a few more months?  This might give you time to get a handle on your feelings, feel like there is less pressure and focus on dealing with your son. 

You are not the only one who feels like a completely new person!  I feel that way too.  It freaks me out   I want more in life overall, simply put.  and this is hard for me to communicate to my husband without him feeling like I don't want him.  I just want 'us' to be more together. 

All I can say is do not settle.  You do not have to stay in any relationship just because you have been together for XX years.  Stay in it because you love him and want to be with him.

Good luck!

Steph

Thanks, Steph. Yes, "freaking out" is a perfect description. I just wish my desire for "more" didn't have the capacity to hurt others,

Thanks for taking the time to listen. I really appreciate it.

You have got lots of great advise from other folks here so I just wan to say don't make any decisions before your are ready and Big Hugs.

Thanks, Deb. I appreciate it!

Well this really bites doesn't it?

Lots of amazing advice on here. And I agree with all of it.

If "S" can't give you your space to process your new "place", then his direction is to the curb. Thanks. Really it is that simple.

I think .. and it's a guess on my part, but when people begin to lose the weight, they stop hiding from behind it and what they really want begins to emerge. That's a new sensation to get used to... a new identity. A new you.

Your kid? Same age as mine. You haven't failed your kid although I understand why you may think that.. A couple of other folks said this and I believe it 150%. 

Give him two options: get a job and pay YOU money or... get out.

He will not starve to death. He will not be kidnapped by aliens. He will learn to stand on his own two feet. He will learn that the wonderful warm bed he sleeps in at nite is a privilege in your home. That the food he puts in his mouth is also a privilege.

 YOU will have given HIM a very essential gift .......independence and maturity. They need to have this.

Have I done it to my son? Damn straight I have.. twice. Once was for 5 months and the second time was for 3 days. I cried a bucket but............the son who came home was a way better human.

big big hugs..

Thanks for the advice. S. is giving me the space I need but I know it hurts him and I hate being the bad guy. Oh well, I'll see him in a week and I'm hoping I'll gain some new perspective when I see him in person.

I know I have to do this with my son but it's so tough right now since I can't legally send him away. Believe me there are days I don't think I'd even shed a tear if he left. (Well, I'd feel relief for about five minutes until reality set in!) I've seen glimmers of positive change in him over the last month but these glimmers are short-lived.

Thanks for the excellent advice. I really appreciate it.