Need Some Support

My husband is so un-supportive.  Just looking for some here.  I had the audacity to tell him that I have a ridiculous goal to run a marathon before I turn 50 (I'm 47 now).  I meet the doctor on Feb 6th and the NUT, RN, and SW on Mar 13th.  I think I can achieve this goal before then.  When I told him about the marathon, what does he say, "you don't even like to exercise, how are you going to do that".  Why can't he just say I know you can do it and I'll help you.  I am doing this for me but it would be nice to have some encouragement from my husband.  Sorry to vent but I have no one to talk to.  Feeling very lonely.

I would have said to him this is how I am going to do it. I am going to have WLS and I am going to lose weight and get healthy and with that start a running program and from there run a marathon.

I can't see why you can not run a marathon by the time you are 50. My daughter had surgery last year and she is running her first 5 and 10k in April.

It's hard when some one especially your spouse is not supportive some people see us as we are now not what we can be.

Is he involved in this process with you because that would be good for him to know about the process, go to appointments if he can or find support groups in your area and have him come with you. Sometime we have to educate people so they know what this journey is all about because they may not fully understand the process or why we really want and need to do this. 

As for venting vent away.

I guess first I want to say, do not let anyone blow away your dreams... even if you do not do this till your 55 yrs old... its your dream .

I am wondering if you could talk to your hubby and explain to him how much it means to you and that his support would be greatly in need.

I am VERY LUCKY, my partner is very supportive of me and my decisions for the RNY. He attends every meeting with me and has been there every step of the way with me.

Perhaps your husband does not realize just how important all of this is for you, and what it truly means in your life for you, him, your family your future... try to talk to him.. see how he feels, maybe he is scared for you in regards for the surgery.

TC Donna

Venting is very, very good for you!  

I am having surgery in April but that has not stopped me from staring at the gym in January and using treadmill, bike and eliptical  to start getting in better shape - slow but steady.  Stick  to your dreams and your program!

I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive. I think running a marathon is a huge goal, but a great long-term one. You can do anything you put your mind to and work hard at. Where there's a will, there's a way, they say. I hated exercise before WLS and now I love it because it is so much easier to move around. You could be the same way.

Sometimes I think our loved ones don't mean to be unsupportive but they have seen us try and fail at diet/exercise umpteen times so they tend to have a more negative (realist) approach. Not defending what he said, just pointing out where he may be coming from.

Thanks all.  I know my husband is worried that I could die in surgery but he still could be a little more supportive.  I don't want to include him appointments.  I know him too well and I know he will say negative things to the dr, nut, etc.  I'm concerned if they see the lack of support from him they could deny the surgery.  Also, he's a project manager in his career and I know he will try to manage the process and drive me nuts if he knows too much.  I am trying to stay positive and I spend a lot of time here because everyone here is so supportive.  Thank God for you guys :)

Before my surgery, I was working out logistics with my boss, and I said to her "Who knows, one day maybe I'll run in a marathon!" To which she replied "Woa!  Don't get too ahead of yourself!"  It took the wind out if my sails, but a year and a half later, I ran a half marathon and shocked the heck out of her.  It was a great feeling.  Dream big or go home! And never let anyone bring you down :D

I think it is really hard for the people who are closest to us for a plethora of reasons.  For one, they are scared to lose us in surgery.  They fear the worst.  But also, the fear that they will lose us to all the changes we are about to make.  They worry that they will be left behind, and feel lonely themselves. 

Not that this excuses the comment, but perhaps, somewhere he is feeling this way?  Or perhaps he speaks before he thinks.  Tell him he needs to edit and revise BEFORE he submits his final copy.  Haha. 

Anyhow, I know you can do it.  Get healthy, start running, and prove him wrong!!

I know you can do it if you put your mind to it. I'm running 10k now and my first half marathon (21k) is at the end of March. Just like everyone said, make a plan, have your surgery and show the nay-sayers what's what!

I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the support you want at home. At least you realize you can come here. Good luck.

You go girl!    Having dreams are what goals should be made of, so you go!  And vent away!  Here's an icon for hubbie...!

My spouse has been very supportive but I limited the amount of information she got, as she has a habit of taking control and planning every, tiny, minute detail... which I can't take sometimes, so we both understand that and off we go!  Sometimes in different directions, so both of us are less likely to end up in penitentiary (for spousal murder)!   

Well wishes for your journey!  

Hijack

I love reading your posts Ian LOL