Find Your Inner Ninja: Week 1 (Thursday)

Well, I know you like TV, as per our Game of Thrones discussions the other night.  haha.  I didn't know you were passionate about music.  What kind?

Music - i like almost any kind of music.  I am an "old" rocker from many years ago and enjoy listening to oldies.  Big Bruce Springsteen fan, of course the Beatles!!

Lately, i have been listening to CBC 2 and hear a lot of Canadian music that i love...love country, blues, folk, classical...anything really.  It all depends on my mood that day and want i want to listen to.

I don't play any musical instruments but if i could i would love to play the piano.....What about you?

I don't have any favourite artists per say, I love all music.  Sometimes, I love to listen to Jazz in the house on a weekend, when it's quiet and I am puttering around or enjoying a cup of coffee.  In the car I like to listen to top 40 stuff.  When I run, a lot of my play list is saucy hip pop/ rap music.  I like to feel like a gangsta when I am running .  haha.  I also listen to worship music, and classical when I'm in the mood.  I have a pretty liberal list of things I like. 

At one time, I played both flute and violin.  I could probably play a couple of notes still,but have forgotten most of it.  I love to sing though and have joined many a choir.  The last one I did was a Christmas concert.  We sang Handel's Messiah, and it was the most exhilarating, powerful feeling.  It's such a grand piece, with so much harmonizing and so many subtleties between parts.  It was a great experience. 

I am 43

a mother of two amazing ggirls

I am my worst critic

 I always think people don't like me

 I am surrounded by family and friends ,yet I always feel alone.

I love my new body, but always feel I don't deserve it.

because of on going issues with a certain family member, I'm starting to resent my husband.

linda

Common theme I see:  "I'm not good enough.", and "I worry that people don't like me."

Wow!  This is powerful stuff!  It's the end of a busy week and I'm reading OH to catch up.  Don't know if I have the nerve to do this!  Here goes ... I can be a Ninja too!

I am a middle aged woman who is working to be a better person - truer to myself and my family.

I am married to a good man.  He deserves a better sex life!

I have two beautiful daughters who have taken the brunt of my frustration over many years - too much focus on negatives.  Surprisingly they seem "normal", are strongly independent souls, and are leaders.  I silently worry about them becoming "fat".

I have a great job which I love, but feel lately like I've given too much over the years and just need a rest.

Singing in my church choir lifts my spirits and makes me feel terrific!  Playing my violin with the kids is another natural high.

I suffer from anxiety and/or depression, but take medication daily.  Without it, I can be one dark *****

I could become a clothes horse - Value Village has become my friend.

I'd like to be a proper "lady" someday - like my mother, my aunt, and my piano teacher who dresses up for our Tuesday morning lesson!  I'm closer to being a biker/trucker than a proper lady but small steps!!

I have so many people around me all day (teacher) that sometimes I just want to be alone!

I have lost 100 lbs but somehow don't feel different?!?  I'm currently struggling to make good choices.  eg:  Why the **** would I eat those cookies today?  I never had a cookie problem before surgery - why a sweet tooth now?

When I was a little kid, I would steal money from my family to buy myself junk food at the corner store ... today I still might consider it viable if I needed $2 for my morning Tims!

I have a good life - I am working to recognize and celebrate this everyday. Sometimes I need to remind myself...

Cheers,

Sandy

Wow, Sandy.  Great reply.

I can identify with SO much of what you said, especially the parenting stuff and the never being alone.  :)

Thanks!

I am single, never married, no kids. This was not what I wanted but I kept choosing the wrong men over and over again. I was smart enough not to marry them or have kids.  Instead I tried to fix them and we all know how that ends.

I live alone and am quite often alone and lonely. My self image and body image keep me from dating even though I am told I am attractive. 

I am in my 50's and in constant back pain from an accident a few years ago.

I am a professional who is on disability leave from work due to stress/anxiety/depression. I don't see myself returning as  80-90 hour week is required and I can't do it anymore.

I am very hard on myself - I don't think I am loveable or have much to offer - this stems from childhood issues  I grew up with two high functioning alcoholics for parents.  I was physically and mentally abused as a child and teenager. I feel pretty negative right now.  Afraid of failure, self sabotage and small binges that are creeping back into my life. 

I am generous, a good and loving person, talkative, like to laugh, am witty and bright. My external persona is very outgoing but inside I am shy and think I am deeply flawed.

I am close to my family but my immediate family  live about 4 hours away. I am a caregiver always worrying about my mom's health and my dad's (before he passed away).

I am always full of ideas but have a tough time implementing them for myself.

I am an avid reader - at least two a week and I love music too.

I have taken courses on mindfulness and other forms of meditation which does help as long as I do it daily.  It is  habit I find hard to keep up.

I am an all or nothing thinker - black and white in many cases like exercise.  Either I do it everyday or not at all.

I am creative - I do needlework and play two instruments.

I find it hard to be compassionate with myself and to love myself the way I am.  I do feel judged and my mom was and still is very critical of us kids. I find it hard to slough it off. I can forgive others probably too easily but find it very hard to forgive myself.

My body image is horrible.  I really don't know if I am still overweight or not or if I should lose more weight. I didn't reach an artificial goal I set for myself.  I do want to have plastics but even with that I don't think I will be comfortable with my body. Two men I loved and thought I would marry and have kids with didn't think I was thin enough at 145 and for some reason I let them impact my self esteem.

OK, I am going to stop  because I could list many more negative than positive things right now.

I can identify. I am an all or nothing thinker as well.  My demise always starts with one little slip.  Then I beat myself up, and use those bad feelings to tell myself Ill not ever reach my goal, so why try.  It is a constant battle for me to get over a failure and pick myself us in the very next, moment and move on from it.  I almost never forgive myself a transgression, where as Ill give anyone else the benefit of the doubt- even a complete stranger. 

I have read all of Geneen Roth's books but found them hard to implement.  See my other post re Missing Maintenance Meeting where I list the other books I am currently reading. If you like Roth you will like Williamson who is more practical in her suggestions.