so embarrassed... broke my brand new bed and apparently the couch
Well today we got into a fight and he had to mention again how I broke the bed (not that I did it on purpose it was my weight) then he threw in that the down stairs couch is broken where I sit. I had no idea. I just didn't know what to say. I know I am large its not like I am pretending I am not. I am having the surgery in 3 weeks, I am doing it for myself, my kids and my husband. Hopefully my weight won't break anything else (sleeping on a mattress on the floor for now)
Hi, so sorry to hear about your bed. You are not alone so don't feel too badly. I have a couch that is weak at one end and a bed that sinks in the middle. You are trying to resolve your weight problem and that is all you can do. My husband was very discreet about the issue with the couch and hasn't said anything about the bed. I wish your husband could of been gentle when he said something and not thrown it back at you the next day in an argument. That doesn't fix anything. Sometimes people say things in anger that they normally wouldn't. Just remember that you are a good person and you are not your weight. Things will get better soon. Best wishes with your surgery. 
Referral Feb 2012, Orientation at Guelph Nov. 29/12, RN, SW and NUT Feb. 13/12, 2nd RN, SW and NUT April 26/13, Dr. Agarwal May 7/13, SW May 22/13. HW 334lbs, CW 269 lbs. Post-op nutrition course August 1/13, Dr. Jules Foute Nelong Sept 9/13, PATTS Oct 9/13, Opti Oct 16/13, Surgery Oct 30/13.
The next message i deleted because somehow i copied it twice...lol.
Referral Feb 2012, Orientation at Guelph Nov. 29/12, RN, SW and NUT Feb. 13/12, 2nd RN, SW and NUT April 26/13, Dr. Agarwal May 7/13, SW May 22/13. HW 334lbs, CW 269 lbs. Post-op nutrition course August 1/13, Dr. Jules Foute Nelong Sept 9/13, PATTS Oct 9/13, Opti Oct 16/13, Surgery Oct 30/13.
That is infuriating that your husband would say such a thing to you. As you say, you're doing the best you can to fix the issue.
Berating and yelling at someone for breaking something because of their weight is the absolute opposite of supportive, and I think you should feel free to tell him so. We often put up with that kind of verbal abuse (sorry, friend, but that's what it is) because we are ashamed of our weight and we think we deserve to have people like our husbands treat us like **** as a result. I hope that you can get past the shame to a place where you can tell him that his hurtful comments are not the least bit helpful. As large people, we get enough **** and abuse from the outside world. We don't need it from the people who are supposed to love us the most.
Feel free to show him my post if you think it would be a wake-up call. I'd say it to his face if he were in front of me. I put up with that kind of abuse constantly from my first husband, and it makes me so angry to hear about other women being treated that way.
Referral to registry: Oct 21, 2011 Orientation (TWH): Feb 22, 2012 Surgery: Nov 7, 2012
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AMEN TO THAT! My first husband told me I was fat and ugly and not worth the ground I walked on and I could try to leave if I wanted to, but no one would want me. Well, I FINALLY left him a few years back and my (new) husband married me when I weighed 240 lbs. and he loves me for WHO I AM. He has been to every appointment with me, met the surgeon, been with me when we told our kids (his and mine). I cannot believe how blessed I am. My surgery is not until July but I had to post this because so many of us just take the verbal abuse from our husbands. Maybe, somehow we feel we deserve it. We start to believe their lies. Some husbands are just down right mean and unsupportive. Anyone who has an unsupportive spouse has to TAKE A STAND NOW. Tell him this is so important to you and that he either needs to be supportive and get with the program or get out now. This is a lifestyle change and a life changing wonderous thing that we are doing. There cannot be any room for sabotage or repetitive negative hurtful comments. We need to take care of ourselves now in every way possible. Please, ladies, be strong and stand up to the negativity now so that it does not continue in the future. God Bless.
Referral Date: May 29, 2012; TWH Orientation: June 19,2012; Nurse Practitioner Group Session and Social Worker Initial Assessment: September 25, 2012; Nurse Practitioner One-on-One and Psych. Assessment: January 18, 2013; Met with surgeon: March 8, 2013; Pre-Op scheduled: June 20,2013; Surgery scheduled: July 17, 2013! Surgery Completed!
Yup. Same here. I left my first husband while I was still fat, actually - I never did lose weight before leaving him. That was years ago. He couldn't believe it when I left him - he was pretty sure that he was completely out of my league looks-wise (and he kind of was, although personality-wise he was a total dick), and he was stunned that a fat girl would leave his handsome self. It's funny - I used to think he was so gorgeous, but now I look at him and he doesn't look attractive at all anymore - he just looks cold, mean and manipulative.
He used to call me awful names, many of which were weight related. Fat, ugly, b-word, c-word, you name it. Berated me if I ever bought any food he didn't approve of, made snarky comments about my weight...I'm so glad I got out.
Second time around has been a charm - my current husband is an absolute dream - married me when I was over 300 lbs, has told me I'm beautiful every single day, whether I was 336 lbs or my current 223 lbs. That's the way it should be.
I'm not saying that Lisa's marriage is the same as mine was - only Lisa can know if it is. But now that I've been through that experience, I'm very sensitive to "warning signs", and the red flags fly all over the place for me now when I hear about this sort of thing now, and I just have to speak up.
Referral to registry: Oct 21, 2011 Orientation (TWH): Feb 22, 2012 Surgery: Nov 7, 2012
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