Family/friends who don't support your decision?

Just need a little vent this morning! I've only told my parent's and my sister in law about my decision for WLS, but my Dad is the biggest gossip girl on the planet and word got out to an uncle, then a cousin etc etc. So now I guess my whole extended family knows and so yesterday I mentioned it to my closest friend, since the cat is out of the bag and I thought maybe she could be another support person in my life. We spent three hours with her trying to talk me out of it, and trying to say she can help me by going to the gym with me and sharing recipes, telling me what her and her fiance eat (who happens to be my cousin) blah blah. At one point she said, "How long does it take to get the surgery?" and when I said anywhere from a year to eighteen months probably, she said, "If I work with you and we get the weight off, would you consider not doing the surgery?" To which I kind of just said nothing. I get she just wants to help, and that she feels surgery is too drastic - but I'm getting this response from the rest of my family as well. And a lot of people saying, "Well you know, it's just a tool. It's not a magic cure! A lot of people fail even with surgery!" As though I'm an idiot who hasn't already researched the crap out of this, struggled with the decision for two years, and even then was on the fence up until orientation. I want to say to them, "Listen, you have no idea the beast I am struggling to control. This isn't about diet and exercise anymore, it's waaay past that." But I know they will just argue with me. I am the weakest personality in a family of incredibly overbearing people. 

Anyway, I know that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because it's my life, but that's why I wasn't telling anyone, because I didn't want to have to fight the pessimists and naysayers all the time. So my question is, what do you tell people to get them off your back without being confrontational about it? I don't care whether they support me or not, I just want them to not even mention the subject. But when I say that, it's like no one hears me. Maybe this is something I just have to endure though, unless I get snarly with them lol :p

My coworkers and 1 friend say kind of the same thing - "Well you are still going to be you - so why do you think this is going to help, you will still want to eat and crave , If you work at it you can do it yourself etc .

I found after a  week or so it died down at work but to get my friend off the subject I explained the emotional journey I went through to come to the decision to go through with it - I hate myself every day  , I hate that it hurts to take my daughter to the park to play because i can't keep up and she is only 2 so we end up sitting on the couch alot more than she should. I told her about ll the things I avoid because I don't fit like going to theme parks, then talked about health risks of being obese  vs. surgery risks.

in the end she said well sounds like you know what you are talking about - and just wanted to ensure I wasn't rushing into anything. And is now a support person.

good luck

I guess it's common for people to want to tell us that WLS isn't a magic cure, and most people just say it because they don't want to see us do something drastic and then have it fail. I think talking to them about the emotional side is a good idea, bringing up the self esteem issues. And I think in my family in particular talking about that kind of stuff really makes them uncomfortable so bringing up my feelings might be enough to shut them down ;) 

I'm glad once you showed your friend you've weighed the options and know what you're doing, she became a support person. That's a good friend. Hopefully mine will do the same!!

If it was ME, i would tell them this is my final decision and you either support me or you dont... If you dont please keep you comments to yourself , because i need positive in my life not negative....I feel for you Katie because it is hard without a support system.. But this can also help you because you just prove them WRONG..Most people dont under stand the surgery anyhow, and some will always be against it no matter what.. People are scared of the unknown... And this is a tool, but this tool only works as goods as you make it... It takes will power and courage, and you can do this ...FOR YOU.... Cheers Krista

Definitely trying to get across to them that I really need positive and not negative is key. They are pretty negative people, but seem positive because they are always joking. And I guess that's why I didn't want them to know in the first place, because I knew they wouldn't understand, would pass judgment, and then make me feel bad. But all I can do is emphasize the positive and keep pushing forward!! Thanks! :)

Katie they will come around.  They are just afraid of all the what ifs right now.  I purposely didn't tell my dad or my sisters until just before I had surgery so they wouldn't have time to freak out.  I had told many friends prior to that who were all supportive and if they weren't they didn't say anything they just looked it up on line.  Once they know the process you go through to get to surgery they will see it isn't a "rash" decision.  Best of luck to you and use this board to get all the support you need!

I kind of figured I'd have the same situation, I wouldn't tell any friends et****il after I was already losing weight or not until right before surgery, so they wouldn't have time to try and talk me out of it. I would rather look something up online and then give my opinion to a friend, rather than making a snap judgement and trying to force my beliefs on them - but I think most people don't see their snap judgements as bad as you said - they are just afraid of the what if's. So I will just carry on trying to remember that at the end of the day, all these people do just want the best for me!

Totally understand, I am 12 weeks out and my Mom is still asking me "you still think you could not have done it on your own?"  Really??????? I already had the surgery, what does that matter now? I have struggled with my weight all my life, diets and exercise are a part of healthy living, but some ppl dont have 4 hrs a day to get rid of the weight , and live in a gym, and for some ppl, thats what it takes.I think lack of education for the folks that have not researched (like our families) is a big down fall. You know what you are doing, and your right its your life !!! I have zero regrets, do this for you not them !!!!

Exactly - lots of people could lose weight Biggest Loser style if we all had six hours a day to devote to the gym along with a trainer and chef!! But that is so unrealistic and how many of those contestants gain all their weight back anyway? It's frustrating that your Mom still doesn't just accept the choice you made for your own health, even if she can see you losing weight. But I know some people are just have the simple formula of less calories/more exercise ingrained in their mind that they think it should be that simple for everyone. Lack of knowledge is what we're all dealing with it sounds like! Hopefully your Mom will come around one day, or at least leave you alone about it. And hopefully my silly family will get the hint that I don't want to prove my choice to them. In the meantime we will just keep pushing forward! :)

You may have to get tough, especially if they start "monitoring" your lifestyle. Pointing out your food, or your exercise habits. 

Tell them that this is a unique opportunity TOOL that you want to use to make your life better and longer. They are welcome to how they feel, but please respect your personal boundaries, as you respect theirs.