Family/friends who don't support your decision?
Definitely, just posting my feelings made me feel better. And having others on the board reaffirm how I feel, share their own similar stories, and encourage me made me feel better. So you're right - we all felt better, felt less alone, and felt supported. Definitely significant :)
Exactly, my family and friends are not bad people. But the first reaction to the idea of me having wls is fear (for many reasons, the biggest one is exactly what you said - the inability to understand because they don't have a method of learning what the right answer is) and from that fear the second reaction is an attempt to control via lecturing me ;)
So what I need to do is figure out the way that works for each individual to teach them about wls without just throwing facts and figures out at them, since they don't really hear that anyway. What that way of teaching is I'm not sure of yet, but it's a perfect solution. Generally my first response to family is not to be offended at the ways they try to control me because I do understand the motives. I guess in this instance I feel offended that they don't trust my judgment and underlying that I think, why don't you want me to be happy? But it's not about that for them at all. They just don't understand and I haven't responded in a way that helps them to understand because my first reaction to their fear/control is offense and silence.
Great response, thank you :) I don't need to change them, I just need to teach them and they will change themselves. And hopefully recognize the example, and do the same for someone else. It will be interesting to see if this works!! ;)
So at your orientation, I assume you were given materials? In Guelph we got copies of the ppt they showed. It spoke of good and bad. I would as a start, give everyone a copy. More importantly I would find articles about life after WLS - how it changed things for people. These articles would be less about facts and figures and more about the decreased risk of dying prematurely, increased health, mobility and lifestyle. By contrasting some facts and figures with a picture of possibilities, you can let them know you are doing both research and imagining the possibilities Ask them if these possibilities are possible, then why wouldn't support you in your journey? I would then tell everyone that if anyone wishes to support you they can ask questions and if you don't know the answers you will find out. That way everyone becomes educated at the same time. If however they can't at least be supportive to say nothing while doing your research then you need to step away from them for awhile. Be firm in your message delivery. If you are as quiet as you say, then probably they are thinking if they stay on you, you will change their mind. Stand firmly, but politely and respectfully now, and over time they will come to see a different person and respect you for your decision making. Good luck!
See I know my family will be the EXACT same way, so I will not tell them until I have the surgery. My sister happens to be about a size 2 and is always going on about how she never eats anything and how she can still fit into kids clothes. I don't need to hear this while I am struggling with my weight.
Good Luck with your family!!!
Hi Katie, I hear you, and feel your frustration! I had my surgery almost 8 months ago. Down 97 lbs and am now 6 lbs below my goal weight. I weigh 132 right now and this was one of the BEST decisions I have ever made. Although most of my friends and work colleagues were very supportive, my husband was TOTALLY and VEHEMENTLY opposed to me getting the surgery. After 26 years of marriage, and the daily grind of watching me struggle every day with my weight, and yo-yo dieting my way to morbid obesity, he actually said that I just needed to eat less and exercise more. Yes, he was also worried about the complications and chance of me dying, but most of his issues were that I just needed to try harder and stick with it. I'd been on scores of diets through my life and was so frustrated and depressed that I couldn't stick with them, and when I did, I quickly regained all the week, and more. We had many arguments and difficult conversations about the surgery, and it put a huge stress on our marriage. The degree to which I hated and loathed myself cannot be described. My weight impacted every single aspect of my life and consumed me in a hideous and depressing way - mentally, emotionally and physically. Fortunately I was healthy and had no co-morbidities, and the surgery has been a great success. Even now, I've reached my goal and gone beyond, and he can see how much happier and healthier I am, he still believes that this was too drastic a solution and thinks I made the wrong decision. (And no, he certainly did not like the look of me before, so it's nothing to do with him not wanting me to lose weight.) You gotta do this for yourself. There will be people who support you, and those who do not. Hopefully the latter will come around, but they may not. There may be some people with whom, if they keep going on and on, you may have to be confrontational and snarly. They may deserve it! I wish you the very best!!!!
