One Year Later - Living Life

No loss for words today . . .

One year ago today, I was nervous and excited, at peace with the decision I had researched and determined to be the right choice for me. I went to Barix to begin a new life journey. . .

10/16/2007:  236 lbs.
10/16/2008:  169.5 lbs.
Shed:  68.5 inches  (my height is only 60 inches)

Today I am looking back at all the wondrous moments and look forward to my ability to live "normal" in a world that I don't know how to be "normal" in and perhaps I am not supposed to be "normal" but just okay with who I am and the gifts I bring into this world, gifts I am still trying to tap into and learn to believe that I have.

I experienced many of the WOW moments that we all do as post-ops, some of which were the realization that I could put my seatbelt on without lifting my butt, being able to put a regular bath sheet towel around this body of mine, not the kind we use for a beach towel, flying coach to Germany to celebrate my youngest granddaughter's 1st Birthday, I was able to feel comfortable for the very first time in my life flying and had at least 6 inches of extra seatbelt, whereas the year before when I went to meet the baby for the first time, I had to lift my overhung stomach, suck in and just barely was able to strap myself in, not to mention the embarrassment of having others look at you with distaste that they have to sit next to the "fat person", whether it be plane, train or bus. To shop in any clothing store, I still have a hard time realizing that one and have not been in many, which is probably a very good thing for my bank account ! 

A personal moment of satisfaction came with my Barix Buddies, Team Mission Possible on July 4th 2008, I crossed the finish line in my first 5K, along with my friend Arlene, not to brag too much, but I believe we were the first "walkers" (of our group) to cross the finish line, meaning we walked the entire 5K, never would I have attempted to do such a thing before. There are many more, but I think I documented most of them along the way.

I will not claim to be the poster child for this journey as I cannot say, like some, that I've never tested the boundaries of my pouch, for I have and perhaps it is why I am not at "goal", but what I can say, is I make choices on what I do and when I find myself stress eating or emotional eating, I am aware of what it is I am doing and I can stop, verbalize what I am feeling and renew my dedication to change the things I can, one day at a time. Today, I make much better choices then at any other time in my life and I abide by the rules in my protein, exercise and water regimen, as well as my vitamin supplements. That dirty word "exercise" has become something I do routinely and if I miss a day I feel like I missed something important in my life.

I have struggled comparing myself with others on this path, what I have come up with is that no two journeys are the same, I am where I am and it's a far away place from where I was one year ago. I still have thoughts that tell me I am not enough, that I don't fit in with the rest of you, I still wobble, but I have come to believe that if I work this to the best of my ability, if I continue to stay steadfast and keep "successing" I will achieve some measure of personal satisfaction, but as the word "successing" suggests, there is no end in sight, it's a continuous journey and along the path there is so much to be gained. 

The friendships I am forming as a result of this journey are one of the best parts of this journey and when I wobble, I know one of you will extend a hand of support, so while I have lost my padding, I have gained more than I could ever hope to and there is much more to come. . . 

Thanks to all of you for being a part of the journey that I am on!

In loving gratitude, Laureen

Congratulations Laureen ... you are such an inspiration to people like me who haven't found the strength to get to our goal.... but reading your posts makes me feel like there just might be hope for me after all...

Way to go girl!

Marc,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and "goal" is something personal for each of us and if you are living some of your dreams then goal is closer than you realize. 

Thank you for taking time during your sorrow to respond to my post.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family, Laureen

Laureen,

First, CONGRATULATIONS on standing here a year from surgery being able to tell about so many successes and so many changes that have occurred in your life.  As a newbie to the process, you have given me hope that I too can succeed in the way that you have, and I will also be able to share some of those experiences in my own journey toward health and well-being.

That being said, what a wonderful testament you have posted here and I am so happy to read about what fantastic things have come your way this past year.  I know that the journey is not an easy one, and it requires making changes in every area of your life.  You have done that successfully this last year, and look at the rewards you have received!!  I am so proud of you, and so happy to have met you here, where I can learn from your experiences and help support you in years to come. 

You deserve all the wonderful things to come!

Cara

Cara,

Thank you for you kind words and I am sure you will do well, you have plugged into a key component, which is support, without which I could not have done as well as I have done and for which, as I learned last night at my own support group, is important to stay on track and keep us accountable if we start to veer off in the wrong direction.  There is a word used on the PA forum, one of the women who posts there, as well as being a Barix Support Group Leader, coined it, her name is Shauna Dhouble and the word is "successing", since she felt that to succeed means arriving at our destination or being done, as in successful, whereas this journey is never done, but an ongoing process.  So thank you again for what you said, but any "successing" I do is a direct result of all the wonderful support I get here and elsewhere and you are a part of that process!

Hugs and a heartfelt thanks, Laureen

I have struggled comparing myself with others on this path, what I have come up with is that no two journeys are the same, I am where I am and it's a far away place from where I was one year ago. I still have thoughts that tell me I am not enough, that I don't fit in with the rest of you, I still wobble, but I have come to believe that if I work this to the best of my ability, if I continue to stay steadfast and keep "successing" I will achieve some measure of personal satisfaction, but as the word "successing" suggests, there is no end in sight, it's a continuous journey and along the path there is so much to be gained. 


First, congrats on your one year.  You really get it.  You realize that what you did is better for you, and also, at the same time, realize the success rate is not the same for everyone. 

"Fitting in" is just a thought process.  There are times all of us struggle with that thought.  At times like that I try to think that is because we felt we did not fit in when we were at our pre-surgery size.  Our mind brings us back there at the most inoportune times. 

You are right, there is no end in sight. In is a continuous journey.  A journey you are fortunate enough to be on.  A journey we are proud to be on with you.
 

Hi George,

Thanks so much for your insightful words and yes we are all fortunate to live in an age where we can have a tool and the support of others on this journey that is basically called life. . .

Hugs, Laureen

Aloha beautiful sister, Laureen.....You write with such honesty, and openness and generosity. I am so glad that I had time to read your post this morning! You ARE an inspiration! I am so happy for you coming this far, and I can SO RELATE to your misgivings and worries about not coming far enough soon enough. I was so THERE at one year!! It seemed like everyone else was screaming down the scale, and I was plodding along....stopping all too frequently....and feeling depressed when the scale got stuck! I think our little OFF family was the strength that got me through more than one tough spot.....and now at over two years out, I'm below goal and wonder why I stressed so much along the way.

My dear one.....rejoice in your fabulous success, and just keep doing what you are doing, and sharing your life with us. Save today's post somewhere so that you can compare it to the one you write one year from today.....please, do that for me.

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen

Lauren:

Reading you story of this journey is so awesome.  50 some pounds gone.   I just pray that in a year from now I am able to say the same thing.

Thank you.

Jeane

Jeane,

Thanks for your kind words and I am sure come next September you will be able to share about the experiences you are having, journal them for yourself, so that you can relive the joy of what this journey is all about for so many of us.

Hugs, Laureen