Thinking and soul searching

kat87120
on 1/13/09 7:07 am, edited 1/13/09 7:30 am - Albuquerque, NM
I had my 51st birthday last week and since that day I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. In the last five years I battled horrific cancer two times, witnessed my parents suffer a home invasion and survive a brutal beating, held my son’s hand as he went through kidney failure and throwing a blood clot into his right lung and held the hand of an amazing friend as he lost his battle with cancer. And as I passed through these “events" I watched as my weight went higher and higher. I have known for a long time that food was my “comfort" but it took me actually looking into the mirror and into my eyes to see that I didn’t need food for strength. I didn’t need to eat a box of Twinkies just because I was told I had cancer. I didn’t need to go to one, two, even three fast food drive up windows in one evening in an attempt to calm my fear that my parents would not survive. And Lord knows I didn’t need all the food that loved ones brought in as my son battled his health issues. What I did need, as I reflect, is acceptance. Not acceptance from friends, family or loved ones… I needed to accept myself, warts and all. It has taken me 51 years to face the fact that I am human, I make mistakes, I have my faults...... I’m really not perfect and, you know, I’m okay with that. I once heard that dying was easy, it’s living that is hard. How true those words are and how amazing life is now that I finally love me. It took me dropping over 100 pounds to discover the person that I truly am and accept that person…. A strong, emotional, caring woman who loves life and all the bumps that come along with it.    Katherine

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author
Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?


        
BarbaraD
on 1/13/09 7:25 am - Omaha, NE
The font you're using is too small to read.  Can you enlarge it?  Thanks
Barbara D.

kat87120
on 1/13/09 7:32 am - Albuquerque, NM
Did that fix it?  I think my computer is having a brain-dead day... or maybe it's the operator (me!) 

Katherine

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author
Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?


        
Deedles
on 1/13/09 7:32 am - Highlands, TX
RNY on 09/15/09 with
A strong, emotional, caring woman who loves life and all the bumps that come along with it.

And aren't you an amazing woman after all that?!?!  Kudo's to you!!!
Dee ..... ><((((º>`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>
My new G.O.A.L. ~~~~ Get Out And Live!


Includes 61lbs lost before surgery


kat87120
on 1/13/09 7:37 am - Albuquerque, NM
Thank you, Dee, and God bless you.

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author
Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?


        
Shelia N.
on 1/13/09 7:57 am - Lawndale, NC
Katherine - I really like the saying in your signature...

  You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. Unknown Author

This is so true in so many instances where we *stay there* in our thinking, our attitudes, our mistakes.  You are certainly a strong woman.  Thank you for sharing this with me.

Shelia
kat87120
on 1/13/09 8:05 am - Albuquerque, NM
Shelia, for so long I stayed in the "water".  How did I miss the fact that I simply had to stand up, put my chest out and chin up to realize that it wasn't the "water" that was killing me, it was me!   

Katherine 

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author
Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?


        
Judy G.
on 1/13/09 7:57 am - Galion, OH

(((katherine))) you sure had your share of bad things....congrats on making it through to finding the real you!!!

hugs


kat87120
on 1/13/09 8:06 am - Albuquerque, NM
Thank you, Judy.  It certainly has been a journey!

Katherine

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Unknown Author
Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?


        
MillieJ
on 1/13/09 7:59 am
 Stunned,   beyond words...  You are amazingly strong.    Of all you have gone through I would not be surprised that self acceptance is the hardest to deal with.

Thank you so much for sharing....  very inspiring words...  

Millie
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