FOUR years ago this morning. . .
I was on the operating table in Bellevue, Washington. After a year long fruitless effort to gain insurance approval I concluded that without this surgery I did not have more than a few years to live. I didn't have grandkids yet, I wanted to live. My 95 yr old mom loaned me the money; I'm sure she was scared to death for me but afraid if I didn't do something. After years of up and down dieting, gaining, losing, regaining more, every known cheap and expensive diet plan on the planet, I had just given up. My weight ballooned from 340 to 377 the year I spent trying to get approval. Thank goodness my surgeon, Dr. David Lauter, understood and performed LAP RNY on me 4 years ago today. I'm repeating a lot here for the benefit of those new to this forum who are searching for information and trying to make a decision for themselves.
Four years ago I weighed 377 lbs and had both knees replaced. I suffered from high blood pressure, high cholesterol, stress incontinence, acid reflux, restless legs, underactive thyroid, back pain and aching joints. I used a C-PAP machine to help me breathe at night as I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I sat on the sidelines of life. I couldn't sit in a movie or concert seat, I used a seat belt extension in my car with the seat pushed back as far as it would go. I'm just 5'3" so could barely get my feet on the pedals in order to have room for the steering wheel to turn. I had NO lap. When I would sit for more than a few minutes at a time my legs would go numb. I would have to push myself up out of the chair and stand until the feeling returned. I couldn't fit in any restaurant booth. If there weren't chairs and tables I didn't enter.
My surgery was textbook and my recovery almost the same. I have been so fortunate. Today I maintain a 180 lb loss; I've gained about 10 lbs and still want to lose more. I only take my thyroid and restless legs medications along with a lot of supplements to maintain my health. No machine at night to help me breathe. I can go and do anything I want. I travel, attend concerts, sitting on the GROUND!, fly without having to ask for a seat belt extension. I even purposely use the bathrooms on the plane just BECAUSE I CAN. I would not drink on the plane for fear of trying to get in one of those little doors and not being able to in front of all those people. I couldn't put the tray down in front of me on the plane. Other passengers had a look of fear afraid that they would have to squeeze in next to me.
Today I hike, I swim, I travel across country. I've had the priviledge of meeting many people on this forum in person. This site has been my main support. The local group here just doesn't do it for me. I keep giving it a try, but this is where I remain.
I don't post as often as I used to and sometimes feel a bit out of touch but that's me not the group. I think after 4 years there are just so many things that I want to do that I tend to do that first. I do pop in and read posts and really enjoy seeing what people are doing. I still get a rush from the enthusiasm of someone new to this life change.
I was a stubborn woman who was always in control or thought she was. I kept telling myself that I controlled everything else I could control my weight too. However, food was so my drug of choice. I ate uncontrollably during the night, mostly carbs. So I'd get up, go to the bathroom, go to the fridge, over and over all night long.
I'm not perfect, I still have to really watch myself. Now 4 years out if I'm not careful I know how to "eat around" my little pouch. It is possible to gain weight even with a little stomach if I "graze" and eat empty calories instead of nutritiously consuming what my body needs.
To those of you just visiting, continue to seek info. I spent hours looking at the before and after photos, reading profiles, still afraid that I would be the one who would fail. My first year post op was such a rush. I felt better the day after surgery than I did before I had it. Weight fell off me. I lost 100 lbs in 4 months. By June of 2006, I had lost 180 lbs. I took a 3 week road trip by myself visiting family, doing genealogy research, visiting historical sights, and meeting many people from this forum in person. I came back from that trip feeling like I could do ANYTHING! My confidence and self assurance have returned to a great extent. I still suffer from fear and anxiety on occassion but now it has nothing to do with my appearance.
In the past 3 years life has gone on. It would have even if I hadn't had this surgery. However, I am now in the driver's seat instead of the passenger side. We've sold a house, built a new home. I lost my dear mother in 2007, but was so much more able to help care for her than I would have been before surgery. She died knowing that I would be ok. I had 17 lbs of excess skin removed in August of 2007. I no longer have all of that sagging skin. My body is still that of an almost 60 year old woman. I have a lot of loose skin on my thighs and arms and my breasts. . . Let's just say that without good support I'd be tripping on them! I saw my dear daughter married and have experienced the joy of being the grandmother of twin girls born in March of 2008. I have a LAP that is large enough to hold them BOTH!! I get down on the floor and crawl and chase and play all kinds of silly baby games. They think I'm wonderful!
In April of this year I will go to Italy with a friend for two weeks. Absolutely no fear about the plane travel, the walking, the hauling suitcases, the hours touring historical sights! I'm planning to attend the fall OFF gathering in New York City if it comes to pass.
My 60th birthday is in just a few weeks. I'll start drawing my teacher's retirement. Not a lot but it will help feed my travel kitty! I feel like I'm 40. Before I felt about 80! I look forward to many healthy years to come.
I've gone on long enough. I know I have been very fortunate and there are those who have had difficult times. I can only speak for me. For me this has been a marvelouse ride. There are turns and some ups and downs but all in all I would do this over in a heart beat. I have found that I am stronger than I thought possible and I know that I can face whatever comes up.
I'm headed out for a nice long walk. Spring is in the air here in eastern Washington this morning. I hear birds and a few little bulbs are starting to force their way though the ground. You all have a wonderful day. I intend to live with an attitude of gratitude!
Karen C
I feel a kinship with you because two years ago today I had my first knee replacement surgery which, unfortunately, didn't turn out as well. I hope this one that I had Dec. 22, 2008, works out better. But the best decision I ever made (as I know you agree about yours) was WLS. No doubts there. It opened up my life, as it did yours. Not only by helping me being healthier, but by introducing me to all the wonderful people I met on OFF (including you, dear friend).
Congrats on turning 60 ... it's the new 40! You have a big, beautiful life ahead of you. When I was 355 pounds, I worried I'd be dead by the time I was 60 ... now I don't fear 60 so much (other than I'll be unemployed ... maybe sooner than that the way the newspaper industry is going under). Have fun in Italy ... sounds like a wonderful trip!
Eileen, Thank you so much. One of the Seattle newspaper has shut down. Our local paper is thinking of cutting out the Saturday paper. I still have to have my local paper. I am one that still likes to turn pages: in books, magazines, newspapers, and even dictionaries and encyclopedias. I'm sure most of those things will be online only in a few years, but I'll fight it all the way.
Sending healing vibes to your "new" knee! Think I'll still take a collapsible cane with me to Italy. I've heard lots of the old streets are difficult and uneven and that there are very few if any hand rails.
Karen C
Hugs always,
Sandy
Sandy, I hope you're about ready to show us the new and improved Sandy. I took a gander at your profile. How much weight have lost since surgery?
By the way, my husband has a Williston connection. His mother's family lived there many years ago. The last name was Orsborn and there was a bit of a scandal that we're still trying to ferret out. Long story short Mike's mother, siblings and their father left there about 1935 leaving the wife in a tb sanitorium. My mother in law was told that her mother had died but found out that she lived another 10-15 years there with no contact from family. Sad story.
Karen C
Four Years, Wow! You are a powerful Woman. I think we can all relate to that ( In control , Or
out of control ) feeling you spoke of .
Happy up coming Birthday, and have a blast on your spring trip. You go Girl, Love Your Attitude of Gratitude. Peg : In Snowy, Rainy, Windy SoCal.
AND ALL OUR HERO'S
