When People Bully the Obese.

Last night, my very super morbidly obese friend and I went to one of the all night coffee shops for a little coffee.  When hubby got off work, he joined us.  We go there a lot and the folks there, the waitresses and cooks, all know us and put us at a table that can accommodate my very large friend.  I am used to going out with her and having people stare at her.  And they do stare at her because she is not even 5’ tall and weighs over 500 pounds.  She is so large that she has to make her clothes because they don’t make her size in anything.  So, we go to the coffee shop and are ushered to our table and this man and woman at one table looked at her and whispered and looked and smirked and gawked like they were watching a freak at the circus.  I tried to ignore them but another man at another table was also gawking.  Now, we live in a very liberal thinking town.  People here are acclimated to seeing same sex couples holding hands, gothed out kids, groups of Arabic students hanging out, and just everything that in the rest of Arkansas would not be so common.   So, the one guy was looking at her and his eyes were mocking when he looked at me and I stared him down.  Yes, and then I looked at the couple and slammed my hand down and said it’s a crying damn shame that people in here are so rude they think they have a right to show their ignorance.  I glared at the couple and back at the man until they, shamefully, looked away. 

I remember when it was me having to walk into a place and people would stare and gawk and whisper.  It infuriates me that liberal thinking people and conservative thinking people lose all decency when it comes to the super morbidly obese.  It’s like not okay to stare at same sex couples, or mixed race couples, or diverse ethnic people, or even handicapped individuals, but let a fat woman or man walk into the room and oh my, the freak gawkers have got to look and make comments and just be rude. 

When we left, I apologized to my friend, and she said she was happy that I defended her.  She said that when she was in school, kids would come up and hit her or pull her hair or try and flip her dress up because she was so fat and they bullied her to the point that her mother had to insist that they keep her in during lunch time and recess so that she could be watched by the teachers.  She also said that she hears the remarks people make and wants to defend herself but when she tries to say something, they attack her worse.  What fucktards. 

I agree, Jeannie, people treat the obese differently than the rest of the minorities in the world. They think it's OK to ridicule us. And I still of myself as one of the obese because not that long ago, I was one. And I remember the stares and the rude comments from kids and adults. Now, I could understand the kids ... they didn't know any better ... but adults do, or are supposed to. Obesity is just as much of an illness as alcoholism or smoking or drug abuse ... and we don't make fun of those, but making fun of the obese is OK.

It's not OK. It's cruel. We are people too ... not blobs walking around. I remember a few years ago on TV they were doing stories on obesity, and someone mentioned to Peter Jennings that on every story, all of the people were pictured from the waste down, like obese people didn't have heads or faces or feelings. And it's true ... people see us as walkings blobs of fat. But there for a few more calories, it could be them ... or their aunts or uncles or nieces or nephews or children. And how would they feel if someone did that to someone they loved? Think about it. They wouldn't like it.

Several years ago, I was out covering a story, and some little kid asked me why I was so fat. And her mother said, "That's not a nice question." But I answered it, truthfully, and said, "It's because I eat too much and don't exercise." The girl's mother said, "But we shouldn't judge people by their size, and we should be nice to them." That's a good attitude. That's what parents should teach their kids. The little girl didn't know any better not to ask the question, but it was a good teaching moment. She wasn't being cruel, just curious.

I'm sorry your friend has had to endure those stares. I have had to go through myself all my years too. It was especially hard when I was covering sports, but somehow my talents overcome my obesity. Some people aren't so fortunate. Your friend is lucky to have you.

You're right.  People see the obese as fair game.  I always take up for her.  Sometimes, though, I get angry at her for not wanting to make her life better; however, I understand that she is afraid of one more failure.  I've been trying to educate her on wls.  Her mother said she would pay for it.  She isn't even 27 years old but has her PhD and speaks four languages.  She is a true genius but does nothing but eats, reads, and eats more.  I'm hoping she will eventually get wls; hopefully, before she gets to obese to have the surgery.

When I was about 35 a car full of young boys started mooing at me out the car windows. That hurt so much. Cruelty is rampant these days. I try to make a difference with the students I teach. Who knows if it really makes a difference, but I try. I'm like you Jeanne, in that I am not afraid to make comments to rude people.

I tell my college freshmen there are a few things I will not tolerate and among those things being rude to others is priority. 

jeannie-she is lucky to have you as a friend...has she ever been to the OH site?

it is so discouraging to have soemone for whom you care that wll not help themselves....fear of failure can be so destructive...death at such an early age is ...well...final....does she realize that is possible?????

I really try to take of for her even if it is staring someone down. I have tried to get here to come here but she says that she isn't going to have wls because it would mean giving up her control over food and I remind her she has no control.  She will not live another five years.  Her feet are so swollen from her bad circulation that they are discolored.  It's really sad.

You know, I said that too ... I said I would never have WLS because I loved my food too much. But really, did I have control over my food or did food have control over me? And you know, I still have plenty of the foods I love, just not the massive quantities. I am not sacrificing anything. I'm just not sacrificing my life anymore. I'm living it.

Did you miss me? 

Bye bye Ben.  You need to stop messaging me, stop suggesting to everyone here that we are something we are not, and you need to stop posting on my post, unless you are responding to someone else.  I hate to block but I will.