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I don’t think there is an easy answer to this question because during the pre-op phase of this process, we have come to expect certain reactions from our significant others. For instance, my husband was excited about me losing weight and hopeful that many of my medical problems would self correct after losing weigh; however, he was very nervous about the procedure and somewhat afraid for me. Then during the first few months after wls, my husband hovered around me because I lost rapidly and I, at times, didn’t look to healthy. Then, he went through this phase where he noticed other men looking at me and he would comment and get right next to me and put his arm around me as if he were taking his property. It was kind of funny. Now, he is back to being concerned and wanting me to gain a little weight. He isn’t jealous and doesn’t ever doubt that we will be together our lives, but I think he worries for me. When he gets a little freaky about men looking at me, and I’m not all that and a bag of chips, but men look, I just remind him that he and I are together forever and nothing is going to change that. I also tell him that it has taken me way too long to house break him, and I’m not about to house break another one.  I think you might be anticipating a jealous mate and for many of us that just doesn’t happen. What many of our spouses have wanted for us all a long is normalcy and even after the weight drops off of us, we are still who we are with the post wls issues that we deal with, like sagging skin, hanging boobs, bat wing arms, and clapping thighs and while we look good all covered up, our mates see us and see our flaws and are very secure in who they are and there just isn’t the drama that you, I think, are expecting. Don’t confuse your mate’s sudden emails and calls with him changing into a clingy man, remember, he, like many other men, just wants a normal looking woman and perhaps his sudden interest in you is the expectation that you are going to be more of what he wants as opposed to what he has now. That isn’t meant to be mean, but to maybe help you stave off those dramas that you might think are brewing. 

I have not really been in your situation, but from what I've seen at my support groups, which I've attended from pre-surgery through now and even work in the capacity of leader one Saturday a month, I can tell you that if you had a stable, good relationship before WLS, then it will weather the storm of post-WLS life and I think a part of it, is realizing that for the first 6 months to a year, your focus is going to shift largely to doing what you need to do for yourself and your partner may feel somewhat left out of the process, that seems to be the general feeling expressed by the people in my group setting.  It seems the family members, significant others, feel as though we become more selfish and/or self absorbed, which to some extent, for me, was true. 

If he is clingy right now, it is probably his insecurities and the feeling that if you lose weight, you will be more attractive to the opposite sex and therefore, he stands the chance of losing you.  All you can do is take things as they come and reassure him a bit, if you are so inclined.  Our losing weight does change the nature of our relationships some, but if you are basically a stable person now and happy with your partner, then things should not change so drastically after.

Good luck and keep coming back for support.

Laureen

If it is real to you then it is real.  It is a concern that needs to be looked at.  Nothing is too petty to discuss here.

Did you think of asking him?  What are his thoughts on your surgery?  Let him know you see a difference in his attention and ask him what he's thinking.  I know we sometimes need to read between the lines too.  There is a subtle difference in reading between the lines and reading into something.  LOL  Maybe he's excited for you to be healthier and join him in his ventures. 

 I had a hard time with all the attention I was given after my surgery.  Not only from men looking at me but also from my family.  They were kind and gentle but not always subtle.  The way I was treated was different too; still is.

Enjoy your new life....

Millie

I normally do not comment on this type of thread, but here is a man's point of view.  I feel Laureen is correct.  He is thinking there is the possibility that since you will be looking so much better, maybe you will be thinking you can do better.  So he is trying to make himself the best he can be.  How many women would kill to get a sweet email?  And once one is appreciated, a man will send another to be more appreciated.

I know my wife is disappointed that my poetry has cut down a lot.  I used to write her 8-12 poems a year.  Just because I could.  It has cut down because of work and honestly cell phones.  I can now talk or text her any time, any where.

And remember, with WLS surgery, there comes a change in you.  You may be more interested in more frequent "attention" once you have the surgery.  I speak from experience.  'Nuff said.  LOL.

George,  you are so funny.  I've never thought that my husband was insecure about our relationship until I read this post and I asked him and he said, well, every once in a while, I get a little jealous when some man looks at you and you smile.  I was flabergasted.  I don't smile.  I told him that he was misreading my smile as flirty.  When someone says hello to me or smiles, I smile back. And besides, I am still having PTSD from all those years of being the fattest woman in our town and having everyone look at me like I was a freak and no one smiling at me or even looking me in the eyes.  So, it is an adjustment.  And that "attention" well, that is another adaption we must make.  'nuff said' lol

ok so that means you can talk to him sooner about this....