OT:The Friend We Want To Be

Evaluating Our Relationships

There comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. Without realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path. Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we're trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.

We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support. There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn't so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.

An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.

Now this is something I can sink my teeth into.  I have a friend who is so negative about everything.  She thinks that if she doesn't get a job she has applied for, then there is some major conspiracy.  Also, she is one of those friends *****wards every single triumph with eating out and eating out a lot.  Over the last few years, I've spent a considerable amount of time removing myself from those kinds of friendships that cause me to either feel bad about myself or even to feel bad about others.  I also wanted to surround myself with positive people in order to ensure that I am at the optimum for high energy levels.  I believe that if I am running low on energy, if I surround myself with high octaine people, their energy will rub off, and it works.  So, I keep my friendships down to a rare minimum in order to week out the negative attitudes. 

I also re-evaluate how I am impacting others and if I don't bring it to the table, I back off and wonder why.  Some people are so easy to support while others not so much; therefore, I look at both the person and myself to decide if it is the chemisitry or a one sided situation or if I am just not vesting into the friendship what I need in order to get out of it what I need. 

I'm all about the positive.  Even if it means saying goodbye to people who have comfort in ways that are not always a bad way.
Good post.

My mom used to say "If  you want a friend, BE one." She also said "If you're nice to people they'll be nice to you." Now. . . I loved my mother, she was a wise woman but trying to live with these two quotes hasn't always worked out.

I tend to be a people pleaser and sometimes get in way over my head doing things for the wrong reasons. I've learned late in life to say no once in a while tho not often enough.  Being nice to people has sometimes caused me to be a carpet that gets walked on with dirty feet. 

I have to think about why I am doing things sometimes and try to figure out if it's for the right reason. I do like to do things for people especially if they AREN'T expecting it. It feels good and makes me feel good too.

My close friends are ones that are there for me too. Most have been in my life for years. I do appreciate a friend who has the courage to call me on  my BS. It's hard to hear sometimes and sometimes I have to "ponder" it a while but it's good for me. Darlene, I appreciate  you being here.