OT: Your choice/and off my chest (long)

Ok, here it is gang.....to block me or not to block me, that is YOUR choice.

I am a pretty private person, most people do not know much about me by reading the boards. That is my choice, the ones that know me know, know me from other communication OFF the boards. I thought at one time one of the members was a friend so to speak, as much of a friend as we could be with a lot of distance between us. I was really hurt when I tried emailing her and got no answer, then I called and was rushed off the phone as she was having dinner, ok, I can understand that, but then I  was sent an email saying never to communicate with her, as she felt that my postings were mean and she was afraid to post here so she was staying away. So, I stayed away and she posts quite a bit now...so, do I stay away so she can post? or do I do the selfish thing and post because I NEED IT? yes, I was very hurt....   So, here's a bit about me....

I had WLS almost 9 years ago, I have been a member of this site for almost as much time. I have been around and have done a lot of research as my husband and I had a sports nutrition company that we closed upon his return to Australia and my divorce.

I was my doctors #2 patient, missed being #1 by about an hour....dang....I did all his research and informed him of what was going on in the world of WLS. I wrote his post op guidelines back then, in english and also in spanish. I did his seminars, we started a support group for his patients only, then opened them up to general public.

I worked with a lady that was employed here and in helping get the OH Chapter leaders program started. She used a lot of my info....this was all voluntary, even working with the doc....
Support groups flourished, she left OH and new people took over. I didn't stay as active as I should have, I let a situation darken my feelings about the whole thing. I worked in Fresno and groups were in Visalia, 45 min drive.  I had asked a member about helping me out the times that I  was going to be late, or fog, or what ever reason I couldn't make it. She did, I had her take the OH classes and become certified with them. After a few months she sent me an email to let me know that she had had a private meeting at her house and they decided to change the name of the meetings and basically she took over my membership. (Name could not be changed as it was INC'd). I have not attended any of her meetings nor do I think I will, I understand from others that do that they are not real happy, but sorry, nothing I can do about her.  I had hoped that once I got all my belongings out of my patio from my move( it's still full out there) that I would start them up again. I don't see it happening anytime soon now with the situation with my mother.

The time that I stepped back from the boards, I knew I wasn't missed as a person or poster. I am so on the outside looking in here. The only communication( yep, I'm listed in the directory) I have ever rec'd from anyone was asking for help with lab work....did they ask how are you? nah, they don't care....I care about you all, otherwise I would post things that I feel you need, I don't do personal stuff unless asked about.

Religious stuff, my take on it. I have belief's, they are like politics, they are mine. They are private in which I feel they should stay private and do not belong on the boards.  If you want to pray about someone do it, don't post on the boards such and such needs prayers. Not everyone prays. Would it not be better to say that so and so needs some comforting thoughts and then you do what ever you want with it? swing the chickens, pray, ju ju's etc.....the more that is pushed at me the more I balk. I am 63 years old and have 63 years of beliefs or no beliefs....they are mine....

I am sad that people choose to block me, just ignore me, read what I say, it may shed light on something for you or it might someday even save your life......your choice...

I am not a doctor.....i only recommend.....

Darlene,

I've been pondering all of this blocking, etc stuff. I haven't felt the need to block anyone. I just ignore or scan those posts that either don't interest me, get too lengthy, or push my buttons. I too have opinions and enjoy sharing those one on one. I'd just as soon not get into them on line as it is so hard to really get across what one means or something is misinterpreted. I've said it before I'll say it once more: I really hate conflict and tend to head to a corner when it gets heated.

I've thought about this and come to a couple of conclusions which are mine alone, not necessarily accurate, but mine anyway. Seems like some personalities are "stronger" than others. Not to say that others are "weak." Tho it might imply that. Some people state their opinions out loud; others think them but keep them to themselves. Not saying either is better than the other, just the way people are. When "strong" personalities bump into each other it's kind of like a lightening storm. Everyone knows it's cracking and popping. Before one knows it it's over until the next storm brews. It does clear the air. I love the smell of the air after a summer storm. But the cracking and popping and booming scares the dickens out of me!

I wasn't raised in a "clear the air" kind of household. We tended to pout, to ponder, to let things fester. That's not healthy, I know it, but have a hard time doing otherwise. The one time I was "brave" enough to state my opinions here I was told in no uncertain terms to NEVER email that person again. And I haven't. . . Her loss not mine.

I will continue taking what I like and leaving the rest. Not saying I'll never block anyone, but haven't felt the need to yet. I know there are people out there that we need to be cautious of and I try to be, but for the most part I find this a safe place for me to come.

Darlene, I think sometimes that I forget that you and others that I consider "strong" are also in need of comfort and care. I'm sorry if I don't show that often. We all need that.

Don't know if I've really said anything here, but it's how I see things. Now I'll click "send" before I "delete and retreat."

Thanks Karen......your such a sweety....

Hi Darlene,

It was good to read all the detail about you. The last time I was still posting regularly, you were going to move to Australia. Sorry to hear about your divorce. Divorce is rough, I know. I don't get the blocking stuff, don't now, didn't before. I understand the process just not why anyone would want to.

You helped me so much both pre and post op in 2006 to 2008 when I was active on OFF/OH. Your responses were always supportive and educational. I am sorry to say you were so right about how hard it is to keep the weight off with all the emotional eating issues I have in particular. I was so sure I would do it, but gained back too many #, it is embarassing. I am working on my head issues in a 12 step food addiction group.

Thanks for posting.

Karen Martin

Karen, it is so nice to see you. I often wonder how your doing. I understand about the gain and emotional eating, I too have that, and will probably continue to deal with it until we get things with my mother resovled and she is living her own life like I want to live mine....don't be embarassed about the weight, it happens to most of us come year 3 it's watch out...not until it happens does anyone believe me.....can you believe 40 pounds worth? yep, me 40 pounds......

Again, so nice to see you.....my permanent move there is just postponed, I am in process of getting my Australian Citizenship thru descent so you never know...:)


would love to see you more often....

Darlene, I'm glad to learn a little more about you.  I wish you knew how many times your words of wisdom have helped me. 

Once a couple of years ago I must have accidently blocked someone (on another board).  Everytime I checked in, I wondered where she had gone.  After checking my account, I realized I had somehow blocked her - I know, really stupid accident.  If I choose not to read someone's post, I simply skip over it. 

Each person's beliefs are their own.  If you pray, fine - if you don't, that's fine too.  I pray - sometimes it's only a matter of "God, please help..."; I don't look down on anyone who doesn't pray.  Hey, if you offer positive thoughts, hugs, any type of support, that's OK with me.  I'd much rather see an offer of a HUG or a sacrificial chicken or whatever your choice than a mean, hateful comment.

A long time ago a person who no longer posts reamed me out big time for posting my food for the day, saying if I had wls, I should know what to eat...Truly a very mean reply and an even meaner email that followed.  She had no qualms about posting all of her personal beliefs - I'm talking everything from sexual preferences to lack of religious beliefs.  I never blocked her because she was an old timer and many of her posts were very helpful.  I chose to not read the ones I couldn't use.

Hey, I'm rambling - sorry.  Anyway, I hope you stick around and continue to share your wisdom and experience, and let us get to know you a little better.

HUGS, Debbie 

You  know how I feel about this blocking mess and wish I didn't have people on block and will probably take them off as soon as I figure out how. 

You have always provided me with sound advice and know more than I will ever know about the wls path.  I am one of those who often stirs the pot, so to speak, without meaning to.

I think that the best thing to do in the case of those people who have you and me blocked is just consider that they are of the one sided mind set and don't want to taste anything that doesn't resemble what they have tasted over and over.  To them, the spice of life is same ole same ole. 

Aloha Darlene....and thank you for sharing more about yourself with us. I'm a bit like Karen C and tend to avoid conflict at all cost...having been brought up in a household where anger was not tolerated. Being "nice" was the edict...and so I sometimes swallow bile as I try being "nice" when I'm seething inside. I've gotten better over the years, but I am aware of my programming and can only do so much about it and then it clicks into auto pilot and "niceness" takes over...Ha!

As for your feeling as if you were not missed when you left and not receiving loving support, I have to comment on my take on that. You have a wealth of knowledge about WLS and all that goes along with that. I think people don't think you NEED TLC because your answers to many posts are intellectual and not emotional. Believe me, I know about hiding behind "masks" of many kinds, and they can be very stubborn and WE know that we are hurting, but those with whom we come into contact DO NOT...they see the together, intelligent, helpful Karen/Darlene and think we have everything under control.....NOT!

I can tell from a few little things you have let slip here and there that you are a deep and caring person. That part of you has been hurt and so understandably is taking big risk is asking for a different reaction from people.

I am just free thinking/free writing...so if I have said anything to hurt you, I am sorry. But, the bell of recognition rang several times when I was reading your post, and I had to respond. Sometimes my fingers fly fast over the keyboard and I hit "send" before I reread or rethink....and I'm sorry. So....here I am......! Again, thank you for sharing more of yourself.

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen

"Darlene, I think sometimes that I forget that you and others that I consider "strong" are also in need of comfort and care. I'm sorry if I don't show that often. We all need that."



i think this paragraph of karen c's says it best........so many ppl forget that we are all human...and that we can hurt or be hhurt..i know you and i have hurt each otehr at times and it stinks--and sometimes i think it's because we actually are quite alike.....

i know that many many days i read your words of wisdom posts and think to myself how right on the money you are -most time si do not post  tho--that does not mean i don't care......

i cannot comment about whomever rushed you off that you refer to--i DO know what you are talking about re the support group and you know how i feel about thhtreatment you got--

i also notice how two diff ppl talk about an old timer poster and i truly believe that she is the same who tried to castrate me and sent me packing for so long .....we have to be mindful of what we say and how the typed word comes across....sometimes when you respond to folks they take your response in teh wrong tone if you are "short" with your words...i hope that came across right...

nuff said......................stay.

**edit to say i am sorry for all of my typos!!!!

Hi Darlene,

I can only echo much of what Karen C, Karen S and Margo and some of the others have said.

I have been on here for two years and sometimes feel some of the same things you have mentioned...sometimes I think no one must even see my posts but then again, I often opt to stay away or stay quiet, no big reason, mostly because I am lazy.

I also think it was good that you posted this so we could know you better. I usually stick to diet and vitamin things with you as I thought that was what you liked to talk about....I have never not cared....just never knew...

And when I wonder about vitamins and food I am still gonna ask myself
WWDD? And then I will prob send you a message and ask you! Because my dear, you are The Vitamin Goddess!!! I am sorry but you just are.

A big Hug to you,
Cheryl