The Fourth

After I gained so much weight, I always hated the holidays, especially the fourth of July.  The main reason for the contempt of the holidays was that everyone would make comments about my health and how bad I looked, which was implicitly stating that I was too fat and needed to lose weight.  The fourth, though, was so different, than say Christmas or Thanksgiving.  On the fourth, everyone wore really cute shorts and tops and it was always so freaking hot and the kids were running around and having such a good time.  Plus, we had to sit outside on the lawn furniture.  I don’t know about you guys, but I have about ten of those horrible furniture stories.  And, here’s my last one before wls and the reason why I hated the fourth so badly.

My sisters and their families and two of my brothers and I were doing our annual getting together for our annual walk down memory lane.  I dreaded it because unlike my sisters, I was young when my mother died and it affected me in a way that they didn’t understand.  Plus, they grieved for her but when I tried to cry, they would hush me up.  My grief made their grief so much more difficult, so I just couldn’t cry, not in front of them.   I was dreading so much that on the way down to my sister’s house, I told my husband I wish we didn’t have to go.  I was taking my famous angel food strawberry delight and Mama’s potato salad.  I had perfected her recipe—strictly from memory and every always said, mine tasted just like Mama’s—a real compliment.

I wore one of those multi colored Mumus that came from Catherine’s—the store that is not the fat woman’s friend.  I also was wearing a pair of slip on tennis shoes and they were too small because my feet had swollen up and so my ankles were hanging off the side. 

I tried to look energetic and happy but when we started walking toward the outside area, all of my sisters looked toward me and I knew they were talking about me, about my fat and I wanted to turn around, wanted to cry.  My nephew hijacked me before I got to the sisters and said, hey, let me carry that and he winked.  He took the dishes of food that I brought and said, “don’t go back there, I’m going to take you for a ride in my new truck.”  So he did, and while we drove around he lit up a joint and because I needed something to get me through the party, I inhaled. 

When we got back, my husband was helping my grandson light sparklers and my sisters were all fussing around the table and my nephew and I giggled our way back to the party.  My other nephews knew that we had smoked and if nephew 1 had not offered, the others would have.  They knew and felt compassion for me, the not so popular sister of the clan.  Plus, they had always felt like I was the only one of the older clan that accepted them for whoever they were and I know this because they told me.  I don’t know if it is because I was so fat and such an out of the ordinary freak or if it was because I was so much younger than my older sisters that I could relate to them better; whatever the reason, they always treated me like I was one of them and not one of those.

So, I noticed that there were new people at the gathering and realized that my distant cousin was there and that she was sitting on the wooden bench—my spot.  I had broken so many of my sister’s lawn chairs that her husband made me a seat of honor.   I guess in their haste to impress the cousin, no one warned her that that was my place and I got a little panicky but was high so didn’t really care.  There was one of those old kitchen chairs sitting by the wading pool.  It looked sturdy and so I sat on it and within minutes, I noticed two things:  first, it was getting lop sided because one side was sinking into the dirt and two, slowly I felt like it was moving.  Before I could get out of the chair the metal leg bent in two. I swear to you, it had to be a freak accident because that was metal and it bent and I feel flat on my ass and my leg sort of bent underneath me.  Of course my cheap ass mumu slid up over my head and my big ass panties that didn’t really cover my huge belly kind of slid over and I’m sure all the kids saw more of me than I had even seen of me.  The men proceeded to try and pick me up, the women were running for cold towels and wash clothes, and the children were laughing.  My poor little grandson was horrified that his nana was on the ground and no one could get her up so he tried to help, cutting between all the men and saying, Nana, take my hand. 

Beneath my tears, I apologized for braking the chair and my sister said it was okay and for me to sit on the wooden bench and my cousin apologized for taking my place and I got the munchies and tried not to just downright sob.  My nephew asked me to go for another ride and we did and I inhaled again, which made the rest of the day a little more tolerable. 

So, this fourth of July, I am going to two parties and I will not think twice about where I am going to sit.  I am wearing the cutest little set of Capri with matching top and I have a pair of sandals and new ankle bracelet that will just accent the outfit to perfection.  While I am not asking any of you to share your horror tales, if you want to, feel free and if not, feel free to simply say, girl I know what you mean.

Girl, I know what you mean, and I sure do like your nephews.
C

They are the best.

I know what your mean.  I have more than once had a chair sink into the landscape.  I come from a family of heavy weights.  So, I wasn't the largest until my sister had a DS.  Than I have been off and on!  My one brother has always been bigger thou he is younger.

Now that my son and I have both had wls, we are not the largest; infact, my niece and her mother are the largest.   My neice, though, is super obese while her mother is just overweight.  Everyone, when I'm around these days, sucks in their guts. LOL

Way to go Jeanie

Jeannie....thank you for sharing this....we  can all relate!!

Hope you have a wonderful time at your parties. I am sure you will look just beautiful!!

Hugs...connie d

I don't know about beautiful, but I won't be wearing a big purple mumu with giant red flowers. LOL  And, I can sit anywhere.

 Your chair story reminds me of one of my own. A few years ago when I was very heavy my husband and I would go to a nearby mountain top to do some astronomy. While he is very busy all night looking through his telescopes, taking photos of celestial objects, etc. I just like to sit and look at the amazing sky through my naked eyes. Sitting back on my chair wasn't working and we are limited in our RV to space (telescopes take too much room) so I thought one of those tri-fold banana chase lounges would be perfect...that they could be folded up nicely and then I could lay on the lounge while watching for meteorites. 

We went to K-mart and they had them there and I sat down in one during my lunch break (I was wearing a skirt or dress). The banana chairs don't have any side arms and are very low to the ground. So here I was lying down on a chase lounge in K-mart and didn't have a clue how I was going to get up. My dear husband could give me a hand but at 250 lbs. it wasn't going to help much. All I could think about is some security people watching me from a camera in their security room. I was also in fear that someone was going to call the fire department and my horror with some fit firemen coming in to "save the fat woman". I finally just rolled off the chair onto the floor where I could reposition myself to a squatting position in order to get on my knees and finally get up. I was totally humiliated and did not buy the chair but found one with some arms to help me get up.

It's certainly easy to see the humor in these very sad stories. Tomorrow is Independence Day and I'm totally celebrating my independence from FAT! I'll too wear something incredible tomorrow showing off my slim body!

Girl, at over 500 pounds, long before wls, I just wanted to get into the tub and didn't think I'd not be able to get out.  Guess what?  Yep.  They had to call the fire department.