Thoughfully waiting the change

Hi Mary:

We all have our "demons" ... I was a chubby kid too; I wore the "chubby girl" clothes as a child (don't you just hate that name?). I was a fat kid and a fat teen, and my mom kept waiting for the "baby fat" to go away when I went through puberty, but it just got worse. I used food to stuff my emotions, I know that now. When I wanted to cry, my mom would tell me not to cry, so I ate instead. I still try to do that ... but now I know why. Recently, a dear friend of mine died. I was telling my mom about this, and crying on the phone, and my mom said, "Oh, go take a pill ... you're upset." I didn't want to take a pill ... I wanted to feel it. Her reaction to any emotion was to stuff it, to not feel it. It's OK to feel ... in fact, it's good to feel it. I've learned that since this journey started. I too have been in therapy since I decided to have surgery. It's been an eye-opener for me, and I've continued with my therapist.

You have come so far and have so far yet to go. But I see you will be a success because you want to be.

As for exercise, yes, walking can be great. I have really bad knees, and had a knee replacement and a revision of that replacement, and so far, neither has helped me. I want to do more walking, but I'm in too much pain to do so. I have a little exercise bike that I use (it cost me $39 on QVC ... small, compact and cheap!). It may be low-tech, but it does the trick. Maybe when the knee feels better, I'll walk more.

I'm five years out, lost 180 pounds, unfortunately seem to have found 10 of them (I think most of it is fluid retention in my legs because my pants still fit ... but I'm worried about it nonetheless!). I have fought this battle of the bulge for so long. I understand how it is to be ridiculed for your weight. I was out in the public eye as a sportswriter for most of my professional life and I was overweight (well, obese, let's call it as it was) ... and adults and kids sometimes ridiculed me. Most were pretty accepting of me ... but occasionally, I had to put up with some pretty mean stuff. I was fortunate to find very accepting employers who saw my talent instead of my fat. I was confident in my abilities to say, "Do you have a problem with my weight?" during job interviews. I put it all out there right away. I found that killed the elephant (so to speak) in the room. But I never felt comfortable in my skin. I've never known love of a man, and probably never will. I've been alone my whole life and sometimes that loneliness crushes me. But I have great friends and a loving family and my two wonderful cats that give my friendship and solace.

I wish you joy and luck on Tuesday. This is a wonderful journey on which you're embarking. If I can help you in any way, please let me know.

Hi Eileen,

Thanks for writing such a caring post.  I really appreciated it. 

Yes, I hate the chubby department, they just call it plus size now, but to me it is still the chubby department.  lol.  

You  have been very succesful in your life and didn't let your weight get in the way.  I am happy for you.  You were certainly strong having such a public job too.   I tend to be more to myself because of my weight.  I still think of what people did to me when I was younger and that carried over into adulthood and to this day I think has hampered me in so many ways. 

One of my goals is to run.  I can't remember ever running.  Another is roller skating.  I used to love it.  I don't know about my age but my mind seems to think young.

I think you were brave to ask if your weight was going to be a problem with your job.  However, it is a shame we have to even say that.  Yes, there are many people who discriminate against obese people.  It is not fair.  I think I had trouble moving up the ladder in a few jobs because of my weight.  Sad, but true.

You have lost a lot of weight and have kept it off.

As far as finding someone, it is never too late.  My dad is 82 and found someone to companion with.  My mother has been dead since 2000.  I guess he is happy.  I think you too will meet someone to have as a companion.  I wouldn't get married. lol  If I had to do it over again, I might not..  lol..   I am thankful I have two great kids.  They are in their 20's.

Thanks for offering to help me.  After surgery I might just yell out your name.  I am hoping it goes well.  

Thanks again, you have encouraged me.

Mary G

Mary,

I'm so sorry you were ridiculed for being overweight.  Every cloud has a silver lining, and you are about to find yours.  You've achieved so much by losing that weight on your own - congratulations!  Good luck with your upcoming surgery date.  The new, healthier, happy you will be born on that day!

Blessings and happiness to you,

Debbie

HI Debbie,

You are right, it is a shame any child has to go through mental or physical abuse.  That is what it is.   It scars you for life.

I did lose a lot of weight but I don't feel like I have.  I am still overweight.  I am looking to start my new life after Tuesday.  Yes, I will be reborn then.

Thanks for writing

Mary G

Hi Mary!

I to did Atkins, for three years.  When I was discussing WLS surgery with my surgeon, he said if I (and YOU)  could follow it for so long we would do great with WLS compliance.  At least you are getting the help you need know.  My insurance wouldn't let me have WLS after I lost the weight as my BMI was to low.  Even though the reason for the lost was to be healthier for surgery.  I ended up gaining it all back.  THAN they approved me, dumb!

If you use you OCD to help you in you journey it can be a positive thing.

It is normal to get nervous as you get closer.  And at least you lost 5 pounds.  I GAINED 4!!!!  I had bed following Atkins again since May of 08 and I think the protein shakes where just to high in carbs for what I was used to.  I even called the NUT and she said to just keep following the program.

Good Luck and I will keep you in my thoughts.

 

 

HI!

Thanks for posting.   Atkins was the only diet I could lose weight on.  It didn't come off fast,  but it came off.

Boy that is something that you lost too much weight and they wouldn't cover it.  I could understand the weight gain out of frustration.  Your picture looks great.

lol.. I gained 2 lbs this morning.  I don't get it, I am eating nothing.  I hope this is not a bad sign.

Thanks again for writing, I  am nervous.  Surgery is Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary G

It's not a bad sign.  Your going to do great!  Good luck on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much.  I am looking forward to being on the losers bench with everyone else.  I am nervous but excited to get this new tool to help me.


Thanks again

Mary G

Aloha MM......and again I am late in posting because I am so far away! I hate that, BUT I read all the other responses and feel so proud to be a sister in here. You have gotten so much good support and identification with where you are in your life's journey.

My history is one that brought me through childhood as a skinny child...never fat, but also never quite getting approval from my mother/father unless I was #1 at whatever I was doing. The pressure was intense. Long story short........many many years later......I became a clinical psychologist and was still normal weight but saw so many many people with issues like yours.....and often found severely obese people had histories of child abuse. It was theme not written in the text books, but certainly in my practice. I got so that if a severely overweight person came into my office, I tucked into the back of my mind......."slowly find out about childhood." Ironic isn't it that I, too, became obese and had to deal with MY ISSUES!! The Big Kahuna has a strange sense of humor

You are VERY BRAVE to be facing your "issues" as well as going through the process of getting a tool to help you with the physical part of yourself. I am so happy to be able to watch as you find yourself and become who you were meant to be.....a woman who is fit, healthy and free in her body. GOOD LUCK!!

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen
Maui

Hi Karen,

Thanks for writing an encouraging post.  I think you seem to understand that being picked on by parents or siblings, or other people is abuse.  Cruel words can last a life time.

You seem to have done well on your weight, keep it up.

You summed it up so well, it is that I want to be fit, healthy and FREE.. in more ways than one.

Thanks again,

Mary G