Good Bye Betty

There are few things that I miss from my life pre-wls.  One of those things that I miss is sugar.  I’m one of the fortunate ones that dump on sweets.  So, I do miss sugar.  But what I miss more than sugar and chocolate and Hershey candy bars is my friend Betty.  Betty and I have been friends since I was five.  I remember her playing in her back yard and looking my direction and waving, holding her hand down by her side.  We started playing together that very day and even though I have travelled and lived all over the place, she and I still maintained our friendship—well, that is until I had wls. 

After I began losing weight, Betty would say things like, geeze, you are losing this weight too fast.  You don’t look good.  I’m worried about you.  Then, I lost a lot of weight and she said, you keep this up and you are going to be smaller than I.  And then I did keep that up and dropped under her weight, got smaller than her size, and she just couldn’t handle it.  When she was around me, she was always repositioning her clothes and trying to pull her shirt down and looking at my midsection and saying things like, wow, I cannot believe that you are smaller than me.  Then, she wouldn’t meet for lunch and then she wouldn’t come over for our TV marathons. (We have always watched all the oldies marathons)  She stopped calling me and didn’t often answer my calls.  Finally, before I went to Philly, I called her and she answered and I said, hey and she said, hey and I said, I’m leaving for Philly, let’s have lunch.  And she said, I cannot meet you.  I said, why.  And she said, since you’ve lost weight, you’ve changed.  You’re not as funny and you think you look all hot.  Folks, I was flabbergasted and let me assure you, I don’t think I’m all hot and I am still funny.  I still tell good jokes and have the save deprecating humor that I’ve always had.  I told her that I was sorry she felt that way and I hung up and cried and cried.  Today, I sent her a well crafted email in which I begged her to still be my friend.  I reminded her how we have been friends for longer than I’ve been friends with any one and that we have supported each other through babies and divorce and all those childhood traumas that almost destroyed one or both of us.  I know the email will not work.  She has always enjoyed that she was prettier than I; that when I gained weight, she was smaller than I; and that, for her anyways, it is important to be the prettiest and the cutest.  She cannot handle men looking at anyone else, not that I’m saying men are all looking at me, but I do see some looking at me.  So, I’m prepared for her email and will cry more and realize that I have to say goodbye to Betty.

So, here’s my question:  What do you miss from your pre-wls life and I mean food, or a special shirt, or friends, or relationships with family.    

Oh Jeannie, this is so sad, but not unexpected. I caution people at pre-op seminars that this is a real possibility that they need to be aware of. Sorry to say, it happens to the best of friends, the best of marriages and is a side effect of WLS that no one can really prepare you for.

Having had my surgery after moving to AR from CA, I don't often see the people from my "before" life. When I have, they have been happy for me and supportive. Who knows what might be if I was there longer or saw them more often. I'd like to think they wouldn't change the way they treat me, but who's to say?

Now that I'm almost at my third anniversary, I'm trying to think what I realy miss from days gone by. Honestly, I can't think of much I  wish I had back. I suppose eating my way through the State Fair could be one, but I never really did that before, just too cheap to spend the money. Maybe an evening alone with my old friends Ben & Gerry savoring a pint of Cherry Garcia?  Maybe.....

If you had asked what I DON'T miss about that life I could write an essay on that, as I'm sure all of us could.

Thanks for making me take a minute to think about my old ways and appreciate the new ones.

Susan, most of my friends are happy about the weightloss but for some reason Betty just cannot take it.  One of my sisters is the same.  Every single time we are together, she wants to jump on the scales and see who weighs the most.  LOL.  The last few times, it has been her.  She hates it.

I'm really worried about losing friends.  Most of my friends are of the larger variety, that's probably what drew us together, our love of food.  I am bound and determined not to let this WLS effect my marriage.
I can't yet say what I'll miss, but I'm pretty sure it'll be fried foods.  I haven't found anything yet that I can't tolerate, but I'm only out four days!
Jan

My husband gets a little jealous at times, but other than that, we are good.  He is happy that I am, in many ways, healthier.  Your food tolerance will change.  I still have trouble, though, with eggs and can only eat them fried in pam and only a little of an egg.  Your tolerance changes and what you can eat today might make you sick tomorrow.  I never try new things out in public. LOL.  Don't want to be sick.

Jan, I would describe myself pre WLS as a carnivore who loved everything fried! Maybe you'll be like me. . . for at least a year post surgery I couldn't stand to be in the room with anything fried! No desire whatsoever to consume it either. . . I still don't crave those things like I used to tho I now do like a good butterflyed prawn in a light batter. But one good sized one does me compared to a pound before.

My husband says I seem much happier now. . . and I am especially with myself. If we can't like ourselves I'm not sure we can like anyone else.

I love it all.  Steaks, seafood, fish, fried chicken pasta, rice .... hopefully I'll not be able to tolerate the carbs.  I'm hoping anyway.

I am so sorry.  I haven't lost any friends from weight loss surgery, but I did have a friend, who was very intelligent and kind for 20years. She was a court reporter, very empathetic and gave great advice. She was not happy with her career. I encouraged her to go back to school to be a psychologist.  She did, and suddenly I was not someone she wanted to have anything to do with. Now, I'm fairly intelligent myself, so I wasn't threatened and was happy for her. I don't know what happened except I lost my dear friend who I thought of as a sister.  That has been 7 years ago, and while I still have an ache, it isn't as painful as it once was.  I know how much this hurts, and to say life goes on just doesn't help. What I will say is be true to yourself and continue to do what is beneficial for you.  Anyone who cannot stand to be around you while you are being the best you can be, that isn't a friendship any of us really need.

While I already miss her, I know that this is her issue and I am not going there.  I hope over time she is able to change, but I doubt she will.  It just seems like both of us thought we had really good friends and found out differently.  It is sad, but it is not something I, like you, cannot get over.

What a sad story and I'm sorry you've been hurt.   All in all, she was NOT a true friend.  A true friend would be happy for you and proud of you!  I hope you hold your head high and be proud of the person you are now and work very hard to be.  Being fat is not fun, and any fat person will agree.  You've come along way and it's sad that your so-called friend could not have enjoyed the ride along with you.  I hope your heart mends soon.

Debbie