Good Bye Betty

I'm sure that we will remain friends; she just needs time.  I remember before I had wls, and she was the only one that I told, she said to me, I hope you don't change after you lose weight.  It never occured to me that it would be she who  would change.

This so sad!  Sorry this has happend to you!

Thanks.  I just hate that almost fifty years of friendship was tossed.

Sorry to say but it sounds like the "rules" of your friendship changed. You didn't realize that there were rules but evidently one of them that made Betty feel "good" about the friendship was her feeling superior to you. Sounds like the "outside" was and is more important to Betty than the inside. I think we have hidden some of our true selves under all those years and pounds. I know I have come "out" much more. I'm more confident and I stand up for myself better. It would be nice if Betty would do some deep thinking. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit; Jeannie, it's definitely her loss. Tho I know you'll feel the pain too.

You know, I can't think of one thing that I miss. I wish I had had surgery years before. I guess I miss the wasted years. . . but I'm doing my best to make up for lost time.

You and me both on the wasted years.  I remember when I gained so much weight and how Betty and I had always been close to the same size and then I started gaining and gaining and then she became one of the ones from my past that sabotaged my diets.  Although, it didn't take much to sabotage my diets.  I remember her saying, oh hell, you can get back on tomorrow, let's go have ice cream.  Yeah.  Even after wls, she tried to get me to do this or that and I would say, I just cannot eat that or that is too much or no.  So, she was really hooked on my size staying my size. 

Your post breaks my heart.  Unfortunately I've heard the same story over and over amongst my WLS friends.  Apparently this is fairly common.  I'm so glad you sent her a long email telling her how you feel.  Hopefully she'll come to her senses and make amends.  Good friends are so hard to find and need to be cherished.  (((hugs to you)).

As far as me missing something personally...sometimes I get MAD that I can't eat as much as I want of something.  I want to go to that buffet and pig out like I used to but I just can't.  Other than that, I don't dump so there's no food that I can't eat, I just chose not to eat somethings or I severely limit the quantity.

Stephanie,

I know what you mean about wanting to eat more and being a little frustrated that I cannot.  Hubby and I don't go to buffets because of me not being able to eat but a bite of this or that and it just isn't worth it and I miss those types of places to eat.  I loved our China East but it totally is a waste for me to spend nine bucks to go there and eat one shrimp and one bite of this or that.  Yeah, I miss that. 

My friend will not come to her senses.  I know her and it took a lot for her to tell me that she doesn't want to be my friend.  So, I will be thankful that I still have a few close friends with whom I share my life and celebrate that they don't care if I'm fat or thin or somewhere in between.  I, though, miss her.

I'm still pre-op so I can't say what I'll miss. But I can already tell I'm going to lose a friend. There are 6 of us 'sewing sisters' who originally met on a sewing/embroidery message board. We started meeting once a month or so to sew all day and visit, just have some 'girl time' away from reality...ya know? Our favorite times have been the 3-5 day retreats we have twice a year. These ladies are truly my sister, which being an only child I really enjoy. Well...3 of them have been very supportive, I can talk to them about anything weight related. The other thinks now that I've lost 60lbs I can just keep going and skip the surgery but she is still supportive of my wants. One is short and chubby, two think they need to lose about 20lbs and the last is a nice size for 70yrs old....no problems. It's the last one that I'll lose. She's tall, about 6ft, very large and has fibromyalgia, among other medical problems. She hasn't said a single word to me about the weight I've lost so far or the surgery. She did tell one of the others that she's worried about the surgery and admired my courage for having it, but there is now a definite distancve between us that's never been there. So far it's little things...email not answered for several days, phone calls not returned, etc. and to my face nothing has changed. But I know it will. I hope I'm wrong, I hope if there is a problem it doesn't negatively effect our group, that would hurt us all. Hopefully she and I can have a chat before it goes that far. We'll see....

Deedles you may be surprised because Betty was supportive of me; although, she was always joking about what is going to happen when you lose all that weight kind of thing.  Be prepared for the changes in how you feel and how others feel.  It happens so quickly that first year.  One day you will be this weight or this size and the next day you will drop into a different size and weigh less.  It is a ride.  Hang on.

I hope you're wrong but I fear you aren't!