Maui Karen

Hi! I've been OK. We are at the stage of life when it can be difficult dealing with our elderly parents. My mom is jealous of Ron's mom. We try to take them to breakfast or lunch on Sundays. Recently, mom declined because "Dora was part of our plans". The last two weeks, she's joined in. I invited her to be a part of our "family breakfast" and that worked. She confessed to me that she has hallucinations. Our therapist says that is typical of mid-stage Alzheimer's and also vascular dementia.

We are flying to PDX in late September to see the kids. Mom is not coming as she said getting up early is hard for her and we are limited to an early morning flight. I suspect the real reason is that Dora (Ron's mom) is going.

I'm having surgery in early October -- bladder repair. And, I've been having stomach pain when I drink coffee and so the dr. wants an endoscopy so I guess I"ll be having that done in a few weeks.

This has been a challenging year in many ways.

Kudos to you for getting back on track with your exercise program. The dr. suggested I get knee injections. If that doesn't work then he said I'd need knee replacement surgery.

Getting old isn't for sissies!

Cindy P.

Cindy,

Wow, what a challenge. Your mom was used to having both you and Ron to herself. I'm sure, like a child, it is hard for her to share you. I'm glad you're getting away for a few days even tho you'll still have one mom with you.  Your mom will probably "pout" while you're gone, but she'll survive. Thank goodness you feel good about the care she receives.

Sorry to hear about your health issues. Bladdar repair is one that I'm sure I'll be looking at in the not too distant future.

Looks like we'll be in Westport/Grayland area for a few days in August. Not my favorite choice for the beach; your area is, but it's much closer for the kids to come to spend some time so that's where we'll be. Perhaps later in October for an Oregon coast trip. Sure hope so.

Re: your moms. I'm sure in many ways an alzheimer's patient becomes more and more childlike. Sometimes I had to "trick" my kids into doing what they needed to do. Sometimes it worked; sometimes it didn't. Even tho my mom's mind was good she got very impatient in her last years. She was frustrated because she couldn't go the things that she was used to doing for herself. And when she wanted something done she wanted it done YESTERDAY! I'm kind of that way myself so I understand.

I know it's hard but it is so important for you to take time for yourself.  

Karen:

Thank goodness for a good therapist.  I was going by myself but now Ron and I go together.  It really helps get rid of a lot of the frustration we both feel.  Talking things through is good.  She is the one who suggested I approach mom with joining in on a family breakfast. 

I hope you have a great time at the beach in August.  I've never been to the Westport/Grayland area.  Is that close to Chelalis (sp?)?  That's where your kids live, huh?  I can imagine what fun it will be to have  your granddaughters there to play in the sand. 

We do carve out time for ourselves.  It's been hard to do -- I've had to reduce the amount of time that I spend with mom.  I call her a couple times a week and we spend Sunday mornings with both of them.  For the first couple of years, I was over there every day.  I've found that no matter now much I do for mom, she is never happy.  And, I understand the reasons for that. 

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Cindy P.

Westport is less than 2 hours from Chehalis. Don't know how much sand playing we'll get this time. Sand eating maybe! Everything gets tasted first.

I know on the surface I seem very outgoing. I make friends easily and have never met a stranger. However, when it comes to the deep down stuff I'm not so great at getting that out in the open. I know when I do manage to talk or write about things it does make me feel better. At least not so tied up in knots.

You have to look out for you too. It's got to be so frustrating to be doing so much trying to make someone feel better and them just trying to drag you down too. My mom hated getting old, especially losing her independence. I think she willed her body to shut down when she realized that she would never be in her home by herself again. That was her choice and I think for her it was the right one. Hope that I can realize when my time comes that it is time to bow out gracefully and leave room for new life! Hugs,