Dilemma - Long
I am in a quandary... Last week both the dietician and social worker at the wls hospital told me that I should be in a support group - now, before surgery. I know that I should be; i require structure in my life in order for me to be successful at just about anything. Being a teacher forces me to be organized and structured to the degree that I feel necessary - depends on what I'm teaching, etc. I like having to be structured because I can't seem to be able to do it on my own.
Here's the dilemma - since I teach at the post-secondary level, I am in contact with adults all day. Some students are young, some not so young. Some are mature, some not so mature. Any kind of gossip, especially about the teachers, spreads like wild fire and can make one's life miserable. I am fairly private and I have told one other person that I am having wls. I will tell others later, but I am not ready to tell all. If I go to a support group meeting, I will undoubtedly run into a former or current student or someone who knows/is related to a former/current student (I have taught many, many people). When I go back to the college in September, the news will still be swirling about my going to have wls (I probably won't have it until after school starts).
The closest city, out of this area, with a wls support group is about 50 miles away. I could go to one or two of their meetings before the semester starts, but after that I will not have the time or energy to drive there and back after work.
I don't know what to do. Am I being stupid about not wanting others to know? (my boss, so far, knows only that I will have surgery sometime) Is this an ego thing?
Can I manage without a support group in real life?? (you are my cyber support group, and I am very thankful to have found you) HELP!!!!!
Thanks. sorry this was so long.
Margaret
Here's the dilemma - since I teach at the post-secondary level, I am in contact with adults all day. Some students are young, some not so young. Some are mature, some not so mature. Any kind of gossip, especially about the teachers, spreads like wild fire and can make one's life miserable. I am fairly private and I have told one other person that I am having wls. I will tell others later, but I am not ready to tell all. If I go to a support group meeting, I will undoubtedly run into a former or current student or someone who knows/is related to a former/current student (I have taught many, many people). When I go back to the college in September, the news will still be swirling about my going to have wls (I probably won't have it until after school starts).
The closest city, out of this area, with a wls support group is about 50 miles away. I could go to one or two of their meetings before the semester starts, but after that I will not have the time or energy to drive there and back after work.
I don't know what to do. Am I being stupid about not wanting others to know? (my boss, so far, knows only that I will have surgery sometime) Is this an ego thing?
Can I manage without a support group in real life?? (you are my cyber support group, and I am very thankful to have found you) HELP!!!!!
Thanks. sorry this was so long.
Margaret
One of the most important things that I stress at my group meetings is that it is like Vegas, what we say and do in here stays in here. It's more or less an extension of Hippa...
I can understand the doctor and dietician advising you to attend group meetings. They really are needed. The In person ones or so beneficial to you over then on-line ones....
I can understand the doctor and dietician advising you to attend group meetings. They really are needed. The In person ones or so beneficial to you over then on-line ones....
Women are angels.
...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick.
We are flexible.
Darlene
...and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick.
We are flexible.
Darlene
Margaret,
Our surgeon requires attendance BEFORE he apporoves surgery. I have to give him the sign-in sheets each week. He has delayed surgery if they need to go to another group meeting.
Many of the pre-ops have said they learn so much more by attending group, listening to updates from members and asking questions.
The people who can't attend tell me that the notes and updates help get them through the week.
We stress confidentiality amongst members. Several folks refuse to tell close family members, and certainly NOT co-workers. So far, I have not heard any complaints.
Our surgeon requires attendance BEFORE he apporoves surgery. I have to give him the sign-in sheets each week. He has delayed surgery if they need to go to another group meeting.
Many of the pre-ops have said they learn so much more by attending group, listening to updates from members and asking questions.
The people who can't attend tell me that the notes and updates help get them through the week.
We stress confidentiality amongst members. Several folks refuse to tell close family members, and certainly NOT co-workers. So far, I have not heard any complaints.
Annette 
(deactivated member)
on 7/25/09 10:45 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 7/25/09 10:45 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
Personally I think in person support is a very good thing. Now, let me clarify that I did not have WLS however, I have used support groups for other major things in my life (after being divorced and feeling depressed). The on-line stuff is good and I enjoy getting to know folks but the in person stuff is extra special. I think you are more accountable in person.......if you don't show up someone is probably going to contact you. With on-line stuff it's too easy for you to "avoid" contact with others.
I can understand you wanting to keep the details of your surgery private........I'm a pretty private person myself. I don't plan on announcing to everyone I meet that I've had plastic surgery but I'm not going to hid it from people I have a relationship with (like coworkers, friends, etc). I'm not going to knock on my brand new neighbors door to tell them but if we become friendly it might come up in conversation one day.
I'm curious why you say if others find out that "it will make your life miserable". In my opinion, there is no shame in having WLS. It's a tool you are using to take control and improve your health. Pardon my bluntness but how much better it seems to me that a former student or a current student or coworker talks about you doing something positive so you can lose the weight to get heartily rather than them talking about you because you are overweight. I hope you know what I mean and that I have not just offended you.....
So in my humble opinion I'd say go to the support group and if you see someone there you know you can always say how excited you are to see a familiar face and that they have no reason to feel uncomfortable because anything they say in support group will be kept to yourself (kind of lets them know they need to do the same).
I'm sure it's a tough decision........go to the support group, you may never see anyone you know and just think of all the positive interaction you will miss if you don't go.
Sorry I kind of droned on......
Best wishes
Ruth
I can understand you wanting to keep the details of your surgery private........I'm a pretty private person myself. I don't plan on announcing to everyone I meet that I've had plastic surgery but I'm not going to hid it from people I have a relationship with (like coworkers, friends, etc). I'm not going to knock on my brand new neighbors door to tell them but if we become friendly it might come up in conversation one day.
I'm curious why you say if others find out that "it will make your life miserable". In my opinion, there is no shame in having WLS. It's a tool you are using to take control and improve your health. Pardon my bluntness but how much better it seems to me that a former student or a current student or coworker talks about you doing something positive so you can lose the weight to get heartily rather than them talking about you because you are overweight. I hope you know what I mean and that I have not just offended you.....
So in my humble opinion I'd say go to the support group and if you see someone there you know you can always say how excited you are to see a familiar face and that they have no reason to feel uncomfortable because anything they say in support group will be kept to yourself (kind of lets them know they need to do the same).
I'm sure it's a tough decision........go to the support group, you may never see anyone you know and just think of all the positive interaction you will miss if you don't go.
Sorry I kind of droned on......
Best wishes
Ruth
No offense taken. You are very perceptive, and I think that you have probably hit the nail on the head when you said "I'm curious why you say if others find out that "it will make your life miserable. In my opinion, there is no shame in having WLS".
I am dealing with shame right now in therapy. I was shamed for many years and I have not yet let go of feeling as I have something to hide, (always something wrong with me that needs to be hidden - maybe TMI) which comes from being humiliated. I will avoid being in a position where I think I will feel humiliated at any cost - well, that is actually beginning to change, but it's taking time.
Thanks Ruth. You've given me some things to think about. I have done a number of things since I began therapy that I would never have done prior to it starting; maybe joining a support group will be my next challenge.
Margaret
I am dealing with shame right now in therapy. I was shamed for many years and I have not yet let go of feeling as I have something to hide, (always something wrong with me that needs to be hidden - maybe TMI) which comes from being humiliated. I will avoid being in a position where I think I will feel humiliated at any cost - well, that is actually beginning to change, but it's taking time.
Thanks Ruth. You've given me some things to think about. I have done a number of things since I began therapy that I would never have done prior to it starting; maybe joining a support group will be my next challenge.
Margaret
(deactivated member)
on 7/25/09 10:34 pm - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 7/25/09 10:34 pm - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
You go girl......I know you can do it.
You've already taken the hardest step.........you took that first step..........You made a commitment to yourself to do what you need to do to take care of you. I learned there is nobody who can take of me but me (sadly I learned it late in life). Do whatever it takes so YOU can have the best and healthiest life you can.
I think once you go to the support group you'll find most everyone else in the group went thru the same feelings you are having.....they worked thru it and it help give you the courage to know you can work thru it too. Hey, you might even find a teacher out there and that would be a great support for you. Side thought...........you might want to post a thread here to see if there are any teachers and how they dealt with it or are dealing with it. I actually think Jeannie (Lightswitch) on this forum is a teacher but I might have that wrong.....I'm new here and just getting to know folks.
Best wishes to you in your journey..........feel free to chat with me via PM if you want to.......I'm sure we can encourage each other.
Ruth
You've already taken the hardest step.........you took that first step..........You made a commitment to yourself to do what you need to do to take care of you. I learned there is nobody who can take of me but me (sadly I learned it late in life). Do whatever it takes so YOU can have the best and healthiest life you can.
I think once you go to the support group you'll find most everyone else in the group went thru the same feelings you are having.....they worked thru it and it help give you the courage to know you can work thru it too. Hey, you might even find a teacher out there and that would be a great support for you. Side thought...........you might want to post a thread here to see if there are any teachers and how they dealt with it or are dealing with it. I actually think Jeannie (Lightswitch) on this forum is a teacher but I might have that wrong.....I'm new here and just getting to know folks.
Best wishes to you in your journey..........feel free to chat with me via PM if you want to.......I'm sure we can encourage each other.
Ruth
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