What makes you work

Okay,

I’m in my office conferencing with students and am at a breaking point both mentally and spatial.  So, while I wait for the next student to bring in her project, I will tell the story of the super market. 

My husband and I went out to eat at the buffet place.  I refuse to eat there because I pay like fifteen bucks and eat nothing, so I order tea and crackers.  Hubby was eating, and he kept saying what are you looking at, and it was nothing; I was just looking at nothing.  (he has been a little insecure of late).  Anyway, he finishes, and we head to the super market for me to buy a few things for us to eat, since my grands cleaned us out of all fruit, bread, and peanut butter.  So, I am putting the groceries in the back of our car and a guy drives by and slows down and smiles and I smiled not like a smile like hey baby wanna get down, no, just a simple smile.  Then I push the cart to the cart corral and am walking back and the guy parks and smiles and waves.  I kind of laugh a little and may have blushed, not sure.  Hubby then sees what is going on and he says, when I get in the car, who was that.  Automatically he assumes it is one of my students or a colleague.  I say, I don’t know, he says, he was talking to you, and I say, no, he was flirting with me.  Then the guy walks behind the car and in my rearview, I see him smiling and waving and I just shake my head, and hubby looks back and says, I’m gonna kick his ass.  I say, you are not.  He says, who is that man and I say, I don’t know, and he says, were you flirting with him first and I say, you saw me, was I.  He says, he was probably a freak.  Then, I’m pissed and I say, oh yeah, cause only a freak would see me as attractive.  He says, you just insulted me and I say, you insulted me first.  Okay, you see where this went.  We got home and he struts around saying how he should go back and kick that guys butt.  I say, okay, cowboy, calm down. 

Now here is the dilemma of the flirting man ordeal.  I do not enjoy that kind of situation because I really don’t know how to respond.  I usually just laugh it off or frown or quickly look away.  And, when I do smile back or laugh or hold eye contact for more than a micro second, I feel like I am being forward, when, in fact, I am not.  Also, I am really working hard here to gain back some of this weight so that I can have plastics and get everyone off of my back and then some guy, who, by the way, was a hottie, gives me a reinforcement that I am something and I want to get on my bike or the treadmill or run or not eat to keep up what I think is the good work.  And then I think what an old fool that I am for letting one hot guy’s smile push me back into that mentality that women should look or act a certain way to get the men’s attention and I don’t want to be patriarchal oppressed and want to kick my ass for thinking that way.

So, after all of this rambling mess, what is it that motivates you?  Is it a smile from a hottie, affection from your significant other, or is it the potential attention?  Or, are you motivated by your own desire to be successful in wls and if it is, why? Or it is all of the above.

 I would like to think that I did this all for me.  That I lose the weight so that I would be healthy and feel good and all of that, but I do enjoy looking normal and I would be lying if I said that I do not enjoy the attention that I am getting from other people.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my hubby and will never leave him, but it sure is nice to get that little spark from some other man.  And, let me just say, it perks up the DH for him to feel a little threatened, if ya know what I mean.

all of the above-
certainly health and daily cleanliness were big big factors- also running and playing with my grands--
however- i also was small for 22 years of my life- i was 99# (at 5'1") when i graduated high school and i love(d) to flirt.... i would truly like my panni gone so i could wear whatever size pants would fit my waist and hips-not my panni....

that said..right now i am looking forward to getting into  those size 12 jeans i bought- i may actually wear them tomorrow...these 14's are really getting loose...

there is also the part of me that wants to be successful--- i had lost 83 of my 100-110 # at 13 months out before michael got sick--then gained back 33#----so i feel like a failure there ---i am still ----yet--- continually --trying to at least get back down to that point even if i never make it "to goal"---i truly would like to get to goal to know what i look like- have a feeling i wouldn't want to stay that low tho it might just work--i have a strong history of diabetes and obesity in my ancestry so i really really would like to be slim for my elder years....

i have to say tho that i am not as comfortable with my body as i thought i would be.....not sure i can put that into words right this minute tho..have to ruminate some more!

Margo, I still have a distorted self image problem.  I see myself huge and am truly not huge but see myself that way.  I am not comfortable in my body either.  I feel like it is what defines me; like when I was so super morbidly obese.  I mean, I was this huge person, the largest in my town, and that's how I was defined.  If someone didn't know me, they said, you know that huge fat woman.  Now, it is hard for me to grasp that my body doesn't define me, yet I want it to.  Maybe that is why I am grappling with keeping my weight down so low.  I don't know.  But, I'm happy to know that it is possibly one of those normal effects off wls. 

as i have been puttering tonite on several other projects; i realize that i truly do not know what i meant by my comment about not being comfortable with my body--but it isn't even the distorted image thing--yea-sometime si get that-and i always find myself looking at plus sized clothing in stores! it's i don't feel as confident about myself-in any way--as i did when i was heavier....when i was heavier i did makeup and fixed my hair and wore nice clothes- had a kindof style- but now- it's whatever fits that's cheap and functional--being short and short waisted i can't wear some stuff- the stuff i like is too young for me to wear at my age--i have no "style' of my own anymore...
i don't feel confident about a lot of things...i don't enjoy cooking...i don't even enjoy being around my kids and grands like i should...(tho i did have a blast with my daughter saturday nite!)

i was always very attractive (no-not bragging) and i just don't feel it anymore...


anyhow- not sure what i mean to say ...so....

Jeannie....I sure wish they could have fixed our heads when they fixed our tummy's.

I still see myself FAT. Especially now that I am up 6 pounds since my hip surgery. I haven't been able to get in any major exercising!  I am really down on myself. I feel HUGE!!!

My boyfriend says that is silly because I still wear little clothes (0 to 3 pants etc.) and look... in his words...hot!

I am flirted with wherever I go yet I feel awful. I certainly don't see what they see ...not at all! Men tell me I am beautiful and I feel uneasy. Men tell my boyfriend I am beautiful...he agrees! This has been like this before WLS too. I have never had the problem of no men to date.
I am not bragging... honest.....I just don't see it or feel it at all!!

Will my head ever catch up???

Jeannie....I have never seen you but I bet you are beautiful !! You bet.... let the hubby squirm a little that will keep him on his toes!!

Love ya girlfriend....hugs....connie d

You know, he is squirmming quite a bit. LOL.  It's funny because they are doing construction work at the university and all these men are always running around and it just boggles my mind how they pay attention to me.  No brag, just fact.  LOL  You are like me, you don't see what they see. 

Wish I could relate but I can't. Haven't had a date in over 3 years and all the men in my life I see at Starbucks every morning. They don't flirt but they are the reason I get up and get my make-up on and try to look pretty. They do compliment me when I look nice.  I appreciate that.

Men don't flirt with me and if they did, I'm not sure I'd know it.

Little?  I'm still in the 150 range... and even after plastics I've got some spongy... sigh.... and the face shows the age... and... and...and... why can't we just be happy with ourselves?

Good questions you threw out there.

Janet

I bet the men flirt but you are like me and unaware unless they are overtly doing it.  My husband and son see it all the time, but I only see the ones who smile and wave. LOL.  Girlk, what has happened to us?

I have to be honest and say that even though I truly had the surgery to be healthier, it is the reaction of people to the way I look now as opposed to the hundred pounds ago that makes me want to keep going. I remember how I used to look and the compliments.....to get some of that back at this age is wonderful. Getting some attention from a stranger is great Jeannie... enjoy!

Coming from over 500 pounds and then on my own going to under 350 and then dropping to a very low 100 pounds makes me see the world in many different shades of sizes and shapes.  I have to say, I've been heavier, and like thinner.  I remember when Cher said, I've been poor and I'm rich...rich is better: I've been 40 and I've been 50 and 40 is better.  Well, we can all say, we've been fatter and we are thin...thin is better?  Maybe better?