Seeing Myself

This was a topic someone presented on the VSG board, but it didn't elicit any real answers, only that we all agree it's an issue. I am hoping that some of you can share some insight. . . .

As I lose weight, I am having difficulty "seeing" my new self.  Yes, I can look in the mirror and see the differences, but it is still a fat lady staring back at me.  Do you know what I mean? I have no concept of what size I actually am. I know I'm no longer the largest person in the room, but am I "her" size? or hers? Is she bigger than me?
I find myself wanting to ask people (even total strangers) how much they weigh or what size they wear. I'd never actually do that, of course, but I'm curious. 
I've been overweight my entire life; I have no concept of what "normal" look or feels like to me. I know I still have a long way to go to reach the normal range, but I think that having some self-concept would be very motivating as the weight comes off, not to mention what it would do for self-esteem!

How about some of you that have reached and/or maintained goal? Is this something that goes away, or is there something you did to dispel the feeling? Are we destined to be forever fat in our minds? I want to be a skinny b%#*h!!!

natalie- i'm going to bed- long day and tomorrow isn't looking great- but i wanted to thank you for bringing this topic back around--i will look in to see what others say and i'll write tomorrow- i still at 5 years out have many problems "seeing" myself- and i'll explain tomorrow cuz it's not just seeing thinner!!!

i will say that one thing that can be a real problem for us as we lose is comparing our loss to someone else who had surgery at the same time ..or of similar starting weight and size- remember that we are all different in so many ways-metabolism, medical issues, height and body frame (bones) not just weight!

 I understand what the issue is....  I had some vague idea of what I would look like after surgery.  Now that surgery is over I'm not sure what I should look like.  I keep comparing myself to what;  Her or her or someone else?  I keep looking at others for an idea of what I look like.

The weight I lost and the changes I saw didn't register with what I thought I would look like.  Who is this stranger in the mirror.  Not as fat but sagging, wrinkled, creped and whatever else I had not seen before.

I think it is natural for us to compare ourselves with others.   I think we are trying to get a perspective of how we now look.  We spent so much time in the past avoiding looking at ourselves and see the real us that now we struggle with who we are becoming.

Millie

The only way I can tell is from people I already knew,they look bigger,rounder. I am still convinced my hands won't fit in the pickle jar,and am  surprised when they do....so yes,it goes away slowly. I still have a lot of trouble with clothing,and hate to go shopping.
I dyed my hair yesterday and was shocked that the gloves were big!!
It will come slowly,our ass will catch up with our heads,I promise!

I really don't have that problem.  Except with one thing.  Everyday when I put on my jeans, I look at them trying to figure out how I will ever fit into them.

As far as looking at other people, I don't so much wonder how much they weigh.  But when I see someone big, I sometimes talk to them, just hoping somehow the subject of weight will come up.  I talk about my WLS loud and proud.  To anyone who will listen.  And some who won't.

George,

I feel the same way when I'm getting dressed.  I look at the garments and think, "These can't be mine - they're sized for a Barbie doll!"

Jean

Whoa, how interesting.  I have the same perception problem... but in the other direction. I am 5'2"  and weigh about 230.  However, when I look in the mirror, I see me at 115 pounds.  I have little or no ability to "see" myself as morbidly obese.  It never ceases to surprise me when people don't relate to me as a thin & pretty woman because I don't see myself as very fat.  Mirrors don't help me at all. Photographs are better, but they still don't really register as "me."  I have never had a very good body self-image.  Although I was a little chubby as a girl, I can still recall at about 10 or 11 the father of a very skinny friend calling me porky pig.  However, when I see photos at that age, I was not fat; I just wasn't reed-thin like some of my friends.  What a jerk.

I am really excited about the prospect of my outward appearance coming closer to matching my self-perception after WLS.  ;-)  btw, I never tried very hard to "see" myself as obese, probably a self-protection mechanism.  

I think that a lot of photos of yourself -- even taped to your bathroom mirror--would perhaps help you identify with your changing body.  Keep smiling.

cherie- that is interesting---i too had that perception of myself before my surgery -i was 233# but-- i would feel that i was 110 # (i'm 5'1-was 99# at high school graduation) as i looked from the inside out but then i would look in the mirror or see a pic and i saw blubber--i felt like the blueberry girl in willie wonka- roll me--or poke me and i would burst...

welocme to OFF and keep us informed of your journey !

Natalie,

This self perception thingy has been an issue for me.  Almost 3 years out, down 200 pounds and my brain still thinks FAT. I recently switched to a new therapist to help with this problem.

Looking at old photos shows the difference. Looking in a mirror does not. Very complicated.

I often ask my hubby if a person looks bigger or smaller than me. I can't tell.
 
Most people seem to adapt more quickly. I will be curious to see the answers.

You are doing very well. So many changes can be overwhelming but life feels better.

Annette

I am 1 year and 10 months out of having my wls and I am still working on grasping who that person in the mirror is. I still see myself as fat and I hope that one day she is gone and the new me comes out.

I still have problems with finding clothes...I still want to shop in the full figure department. I can't fathom that I am the one that fits in such smaller looking clothes. My hubby is often asked if that person is the same size as I am and have a hard time coming to grips with it when he answers no...you are smaller. I hope that one day I will get use to the fact that I am not the biggest person out there in the world.

I am told that it will come in time...sometimes it takes some of us a longer amount of time than others and that is alright. It takes what it takes and I guess it isn't important how long it takes to win the race but the fact that we are in the race.

Just keep acting as if and someday it will no longer be an act...you will come to know it as something that happens naturally every day. Or at least that is what I am told........