Strange situation or is it me??

We went to rehearsal and rehearsal dinner last night since my DH is best man in his brother's wedding Saturday.  I walked in, and the photographer asked me if I had RNY, I said yes (guess he overheard someone asking me about my surgery).  He proceeded to tell me that he had RNY two years prior.  We talked briefly during the rehearsal, and he told me he had 50 or more pounds to lose that he should be following the program more consistently and exercising, but eating basically anything he wants at this point.  In other words, NOT following the program.

Later, at the Chinese restaurant, we sat near one another.  I took two cheese sticks and cut them up on my plate while others ate Chinese food.  He proceeds to tell me how he can eat anything he wants, while eating an egg roll appetizer and later the main course.  He has heart issues with multiple stent placements and takes 7 plus meds for multiple health issues. 

As we were leaving, they brought him a birthday cake in celebration of his B-day on Saturday.  As DH and I were saying our good-byes, he called my name and said "look" as he took a bite of his birthday cake.  He said "see, I can have this and nothing will happen." 

I thought to myself, why would anyone even attempt to show someone only 5 weeks postop all of the "negative" things he can get away with regarding food.  Aren't we supposed to be encouraring and helping others, especially those fairly new to RNY?  He still is a rather chunky man, although somehow did manage to lose 105 pounds.

I noticed he also dran****d tea while eating at the restaurant.  Although he was a very friendly and likeable man, I couldn't help but wonder why he went out of his way to "show me" he could eat items on our list of foods to avoid.  I thought it was very odd of him.  Even my DH said, why would he be going out of his way to "show" you he could eat BAD food, especially since he has so many medical issues.  He will be turning 58 on Saturday (the day of the wedding). 

Of note, he also stated he is a "behavior interventionist" at a local alternative high school.  Wouldn't you think he would exhibit more positive behavior??  Again, he was very friendly, likeable and outgoing, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was cuckoo or what - LOL

This does make one scratch their head, doesn't it?  If he's not crazy, he'e certainly "off" a little. I agree that it wasn't appropriate for him to make those comments, but it takes all kinds to make the world go
'round.

I don't dump, never have, but I sure don't tell my support group people that! I wish I did, and it's not like a badge of honor that I don't.

Good luck to him. What a waste of time for his surgeon.

Susan,

LOL - your comment "badge of honor" is probably what he was trying to portray.  Unfortunately, in this situation, it was not very becoming - lol - If anything, I would have gone out of my way to support someone so new to RNY, encouraging them.  You're right, it does take all kinds to make the world go 'round.  Too funny!

Have a great day!

Debbie...you are right...he is cuckoo!!

Next time you see him he will be even chubbier!!!

You are doing an excellent job....he is doing it all wrong.

It isn't that we can eat that kind of food....some can.... but in moderation. We didn't go through this to show we can still eat the old way...we have learned to eat healthier and that is what this is about. We don't WANT that lifestyle anymore!!

Keep doing what you are doing....why he thinks this is a contest to see who can eat what is beyond me.

Hugs sweetie.....connie d

Connie,

Thanks for the insight.  LOL - a contest with eating at this point, I'm definitely a LOSER - lol - but in a GOOD way!  It's really funny, though, because my husband felt so guilty eating since I couldn't partake, and kept asking me if I was okay, if being around all this food was bothering me.  Fortunately, it did not.  I have no desire at this point to eat what I'm not supposed to nor do I have cravings - Thank GOD!!!!!  I did have two green beans and my cheese, which was satisfying and filling for me. 

The most difficult part for me is not being able to drink for 1/2 before, during or after a meal.  On our ride home, we stopped and got a bottle of water -- I didn't go through all of this to slip back into my old eating habits.  Also, I want to be surrounded with POSITIVE people.  That's why I love this forum, and that's why I love my support group each month.  You learn so many new and exciting things that are GOOD for you.  Anyone can choose to eat BAD things, but that's not what this is all about.

D

Sounds a bit bizarre to me.  Sounds like he is probably unhappy.....you know the old saying "misery loves company"....perhaps he wanted to discourage you for some sad/sick reason.

I'd chalk it up to him being a cuckoo.......take it from the source and don't dwell on it.

I assume he'll be at the wedding on Saturday......if he taunts you I'd simply say something like "let's talk about the positive aspects of having surgery and the many successes of following the program".....that ought to shut him up.  :-)

You are doing FANTASTIC, don't let him take the wind out of your sails.

Hang in

LOL - thanks for your take on the situation.  I'm not dwelling on this at all, I posted because I wondered if it was me who thought he was a cuckoo or what - lol - my husband and I both thought he was bizarre when he called my name and said "look" so I could watch him eat it.  NUTS!  LOL -

This reminds of the drug addict who says he is not responsible for his addiction. Well, if he isn't responsible, who is?

Food is just as much of an addiction as drugs. We have a tool to manage our addiction. Yes, I can eat cake ... it doesn't bother me if I have a small piece. But ... if I eat too much, I'm going to be sorry. I've learned that. So if I want that small piece, I just have that small piece and I'm happy. And I also know that if I'm full, I don't have cake. Because I'll upchuck everything, and that won't be pretty.

He obviously hasn't learned the lessons of the pouch. He got this wonderful second chance at life and he's blowing it. Sooner or later, he's going to be back up where he was before and wondering what happened. I hope not. I hope he gets the message. I know everytime I gain a little weight, I get worried. I don't want to be obese again. And yes, I don't exercise like I should, but part of problem is because of my knees ... there's not a whole lot I can do other than swimming, which cost money that I don't have right now. So I have to try to manage my weight with eating smaller portions, the right stuff, etc. And at 5 years out, it's hard.

You have it right ... you are early out and on the right path. Don't be persuaded to go down that way by some idiot who wants to show you all the stuff he can eat. He's going to regret that at some point in time.

One of the nurses in the hospital where I had my surgery told a story of someone who had RNY, left the hospital and went to a McDonald's drive-through, ordered a quarter-pounder extra-value meal (you know, with the jumbo fries and the giant Coke ... and not Diet Coke, either) ... later that evening, that person was back in the ER. This person was not properly screened by psych obviously! Sounds like this guy at the wedding rehearsal wasn't either.

Eileen,

Funny that our bariactric nurse told us this same story about driving through and placing an order to see if he could still eat - lol - CRAZY!  She also told us of a story of a man fresh out of surgery who went to a B-day party.  He put his cake and ice cream in a blender so he could drink it through a straw - poor guy ended up in the ER too!  LOL - I guess there are many stories out there like this.

I'm still learning how to eat and what to eat much less trying something that I KNOW is not allowed - good grief, I can't imagine - lol

Anyway, thanks for insight!  TGIF

D

When you see him Sat., if he spouts more of his unhealthy crap just remind him that just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD!!!!

You're doing great and have your head on straight....good for you!