It's Monday morning, wake up everyone, what's happening today??

Brenda, your kind words touched my heart. Thank you for being here for me.

It's 10:00 and I'm still in PJ's and just now made myself eat some breakfast. Gary came home from work with "the scoots".....funny, he hasn't gone into the bathroom since he got home an hour ago? I think he came home to keep an eye on me.

Love and hugs

(((((Susan))))).....I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better about this. Just take time and process it all....you can talk to your son on your time.

Love ya dear friend....connie d

Thank you for the hugs, Connie.

some days you're the pigeon, some days the statue.

oh Susan,
I remember putting my Mom through some similar tears. It was so much more about me than it was about her. I'm sure I was about your son's age and my own confusion about my life turned into a blaming session. I felt so terrible when my mother reacted by crying for days. I have a feeling that this is a part of the becoming an adult process. Those of us that are the most sensitive (and vulnerable, as timing would have it) react the most strongly. I'm so sorry that you are suffering. Darn kids! I'm sure my day is coming too. It will serve me right when it happens to me!
Julia

Julia, I'm sure you're right about this process, and I think I did the same to my mom. It still doesn't take the sting out of it, though.
We've always had a great relationship, and I truly, truly felt that Tess had become my best friend. Guess I was incorrect.

Time will tell.

Hi Susan,

I just wanted to say, I've been on the other side of that fence too and it hurts like hell when we give all we can, try to maintain an air of neutrality and it gets taken and used against us.  My DIL comes to me rather than her friends and family, I usually just hear her out, unless she specifically asks for my input.  When my son "attacks me", no matter what format it comes in, it cuts like a knife.  . . .  perhaps, it is the name. . .  Jeff, my son is also a Jeff (lol). . .

Take time for yourself and what I have come to realize within my own situation is, that fears and insecurities make our grown children into small children once more and right or wrong, oftentimes they lash out at us because they deep down know we can be counted on, it does not make it ok, but when it happens, I step back from it, talk to my friends about it and once the smarting stops, we usually talk it out and it has gotten better.

I'm sending you hugs and am glad to be part of your cyber circle of friends ;)

Laureen

Laureen, my son is just like my husband. That's what scares me. Gary has flitted from one job/idea/hobby/scheme to the next, making life very difficult. I guess we all want for our kids a better life than what we've had, so I guess that must be from where I'm coming from with him. I suppose he's forgotten how his growing up years were with us barely able to keep the lights burning and not having health insurance.
It's not like I can say "I don't want you to end up like your Dad", now can I? I don't want to bring up my marriage and struggles and make his dad look bad. 

What a pickle

Susan,

Amazing, we share so much, different, yet similar in certain ways and yes it can be touchy, for me, at least I am not married to my children's dad, and they have grown up and realize his failings and I never had to point them out, nor did I, as I said, different, but similar. 

What I have told each of my children is, parents do the best they can, whatever you think I "we" failed at, then it's up to you do give/do better with your own family.  I can say that with my children, they changed greatly when they became parents (well the two that have so far and I think if my 3rd has children, she will be a good Mom).  At some points, we just have to trust that we gave them some life skills and that, along with experience, will take them where they need to go. . .  I hope you can find peace, it always takes me talking it out with friends I trust and a few days until the emotional part of it subsides and then it usually turns out ok, I will hope that all things work out better than you can possible imagine them right now.

Hugs, Laureen

Dearest Susan,

I'm sorry that you are hurting.  Our children have a way sometime of doing that to us.  Until they actually have children of their own, I don't think they understand how we really feel.  It sounds like you put trust in your DIL and she said things to your son that she shouldn't have.  Unfortunately, the older I become the more I realize that there aren't many people you actually can trust - and it's very difficult for me because I used to trust everyone until these last 4-5 years.  I see now that we all aren't made up the same.

I wish I could take your hurt away, but hurt is like a boo boo, it must heal on its own.  Meanwhile, try and keep yourself busy so your pain can heal.  I'm always here to lend an ear if you need one. 

I would like to say that sometimes words in an e-mail can sound much more harsh than maybe it was meant to be.  You never know....maybe his wife would like children and he doesn't....hence, an argument ensued between the two of them and he let his frustration out on you......I don't know, just thinking outloud to help you sort through things.

Hopefully, you and your son can talk via the telephone soon so things don't stew too long.   

Feel better and know you have friends here who care about you.

Debbie

Debbie, thank you for your kind words.

I think you are right about many things, the trust  thing....I guess I've spoken in a trusting manner to people who have wagged their tongues back to Tess about them having children. Innocent conversations have been turned to bite me in the butt.
Jeff has always wanted children, but Tess isn't so sure about it, and has fertility issues besides. So, I haven't let myself get my hopes up. I've done my best to steer clear of the subject, except when her sister had a baby in Sept and I discussed it with her and another friend. It, of course, got back to Tess. God only knows what was relayed, but it's got me in ho****er, for sure.

Oh, I know it will all work out and that I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can't help how I feel.

Thanks again. Take care!