my life is going to h------

Marylyn,

You are not alone and there are people on this site who care deeply for what is happening to you.  I can't imagine how difficult this time is for you, but I know things will change.  I do not believe it was not meant for you to have a good life even though I completely understand you feel that way.

I want to offer my prayers for your strength, wisdom about your son, and most of all easing for your grief.  I pray God will bring someone into your life who can be that special friend to help you through this.