Why, Why, Why can't I be happy? Vent of emotions

OK, I have been out of work since I had surgery in June09. I have finally landed a job that is a dream come true. The only thing it lacks is travel. It is with the federal government and before I can start I have to be credentialed and investigated. I have never been arrested, in rehab, had my license revoked, or any of a thousand other things people do to get into trouble. Yet, as I fill in the paperwork I am paranoid of what people will say and I am fearful they might find something in my past I do not remember that will disqualify me.
This inferiority comes from years of thinking I do not deserve to have the best. Of not demanding things for myself, for making due with what I have because I don't deserve anything better. I know this is not true, but it exists deep within me. I have lost the happiness of finally finding a job with a decent paycheck. I guess I feel I don't deserve it. But I have been doing the work for twenty years of course I am qualified and more than capable of preforming the work. In fact I deserve a better job than this one but I really want to get back to work and this a good job.

Venting done. Thanks for being there.

Congratulations! Not just a job but a wonderful job. You have made positive changes in your physical being. It takes time for the mental you to catch up.

I had WLS in 2005 and I am still dealing with these issues. Lately for some reason I have been dealing with feelings of "Why did I settle for less than I was worthy of?" Feelings of regret, missed opportunities, things that happened many years ago, choices I could have made had I been brave enough.  These feelings get in the way of my current life that is full. I remind myself that there is nothing I can do about the past, only today and the days to come.

Any new job that I have ever gotten involved several weeks of adjusting, learning many new things and meeting many new people. Change is not easy for me. Expect that it will be while before you are completely comfortable in this new situation.

But on the other hand, how exciting to be taking on a new challenge. I'm sure  you look wonderful. A new work wardrobe without having to just take whatever fits! You've done your work. Let the searching into your background take place so that you can start this new job. You've been chosen for a wonderful opportunity; seize it! Best wishes.

We all go through so many changes with the weight loss.  We all have a lot of baggage to sift through.  It's a life-changing experience and even though it's for the better, we still need to readjust our thinking.  Yes, you do deserve the best job you are capable of.  I have been hearing from my counselor and psychiatrist (yes, I'm a nut, lol) that everybody who experiences drastic weight loss has emotions to deal with.  I can remember being angry at one point because I got so much attention from people I met that never would have given me a second thought or glance when I was 315 lbs.  At work, all of a sudden I was getting all these kudos for doing the same good job I had been doing all along.  Then we have to deal with losses.  Not being able to just eat whatever, whenever, for some of us our security blanket that kept us unnoticed, lifestyle changes, etc.  Rejoice in your new found self, have the confidence to know that you will get this job.    We're all pulling for you.