OT: Living in fear

Monica,

Get out your roadmap.  You've taken a couple of wrong turns but you know the destination.  You can find your way back. It's not like you are lost.  Turn RIGHT at the fork in the road.

Was great to see you online in the wee hours this morning. 

Don't be afraid to come here.  You are amongst friends and a safe haven when you are here.  Immerse yourself in the goodness of friends.

Janet

Dear Monica,

We're all so glad to be here for you, but unless we know you are in need, we can't help! So....stick around where your sisters can be here whenever you need us. We love you, you know!

Monica, Thank you for opening up this scary door.I have thought for a long time about how I could discuss my slide down to drinking. I do know when I thought what a neat idea having one drink would be.Thinking I would relax , forget stuff and just be soothed. Well, even being a simi- intelligent woman I never thought drinking might become a serious problem for me. The me who came from a home with a father who drank til he passed out. I hated the sight.

If I hadn't put the brakes on one more time, if I hadn't become aware I was losing my family, may have already lost some. I would be sitting here with a Beer in my hand , reading your post  and thinking O' Monica, I wish I had words to help you.

Your words have helped me. I have been struggling for 1 1/2 weeks , no beer in the house. I made up my mind Not to buy anything to drink, just the way I decided not to buy any more junk after WLS. well, I 've slipped  on the junk food , gained 30 pounds, some of the weight gain is from the beer I 've  consumed. I can already see a difference in how my clothes are fitting. My face isn't as puffy as it was a week ago.

I 've gone on and on, I need to go back and say thank you dear sister for being brave enough to show the others how a strong woman can make a misstep, realize the mistake, and help others make a change.

Thank you Monica. I pray your fear gets thrown out with the trash, Peg 

Its been so long since I visited here..I even hesitated this time because I figured it would be all new faces. But when I saw your post Monica, and everyones responses ,,all my old WLS buddies,,I had to post.

Someone already said it,,we all face our demons. I , like you. have lived in fear daily. Mine is of waking up some morning and being 335 pounds again. I have regained 35 pounds, none of my clothes fit, Im depressed about it to the point that I hate to get dressed in the mornings or leave my house. My mind is consumed with my failure,,and calories and carbs and protein numbers,,and fear of that dreaded scale. Its become a real oppression to me. No one understands. My daughter told me, Mom,,you are almost 64. relax and enjoy life, stop obsessing about your weight.
They just dont get it.

I have had a taste of normality,,and loved it. Now , I feel like an obese person again. Its miserable. A hundred times I have tried to go back to basics...3 times I have joined Weigh****chers,,tried the South Beach..Im overwhelmed.

But today I decided,,I have wasted enough time wallowing in my failure. I will take it one day at a time. I will take it one meal at a time,,one minute at a time if I have to. Nobody can do it for me, it has to be me.
No, I dont feel any flash of inspiration..I just feel like its up to me to make the difference, and time is a wastin!.

The depression is something that I can control with meds and prayer..and it works. The anxiety attacks have stopped and my moods arent as fluctuating.  I have days of the dont cares..but have learned to fear those days because they are my undoing. I must shake myself, make myself care.

Im facing 2 foot surgeries after the first of the year,,and some chiropractic work on my back and hips. Inside a little voice keeps telling me,,the best of life is over. Well,,I am determined to believe,,the best is yet to be! I dont have to age gracefully,,Im gonna fight with everything thats in me as long as I can. Every day is an opportunity to be better..its up to me to take it and make it so. One day at a time.

You are a beautiful lady inside and out,,and I always enjoyed your posts. Ill be coming back often now because I need the support and encouragement..and I will pray for you ,,and everyone on here that needs the strength to fight this never ending battle.

You have impacted many lives,,made us all smile,,and will continue to do so in the future, cause thats just how you are. Dont focus on the negative dear,,look at all your positives. Theres still a lot of living to be done,,lets do it with a vengence!!
We still have that tool,,,"so lets git er done!"

be blessed!
Betsy