Feelings as Relates to Eating - Living in the Solution

So last night I watched the show "Addicted to Food" on the Oprah Channel, it's not that I learned anything I didn't know, but what I did experience was a sense of knowing that for those of us with food addictions, it is a lifelong challenge to stave off that insatiable desire to feed our emotions and that the cycle of it all is guilt, shame, feelings of failure, all those things I can so relate to, especially where I am in my process today. 

I recognized this morning as I got on the scale and it read 180, that I am feeling like I've lost control and extremely fearful of slipping further backward and feel as though I've already failed, which I know from past experience is where I generally throw my hands up and say "f it"!  The difference today is I really can't afford to, nor do I really want to give up on myself. . .  I understand that the number on a scale does not determine who I am, however, I can say that it felt so much better when I was 14 pounds lighter and could feel my ribcage (lol). . .  mind you, I was not thin at that point, but comfortable, which perhaps is the problem.  I got comfortable with where I was and initially there were good reasons to slack off on some of the things that were a part of my success and now, 9 months later, I am still lacking the enthusiasm to get back with it.  I think that too is normal for most people, we tire of our routines and slack off, then it becomes a way of life.  The thing is, as you are well aware, I live a very busy life, however, that is just an excuse to avoid what must be done, exercise must be a component of my existence, for without it, I have to eat so little that I can never feel satisfied.  I also need to follow the rule of no white flour (at all) and no sugar and there are many substitutes that need also be avoided, because they cause cravings in me.  So what is the end of my ramblings here, I just need to do it and stop talking about it.  I know today will not be the day, I have an appointment with the grand kids after work, but I will go out at lunchtime and take a walk, that's something and a start. 

Thank you for listening to my meanderings and sharing this journey with me.

Laureen

I can so relate to your feelings, Laureen, as they are mine as well.

I did better yesterday, but still found myself in the cookie jar grabbing a handful of chocolate animal crackers.  This morning I threw the rest of them (probably 1/2 of a big pkg ) into the garbage.  I don't need them -- it's just mindless eating and full of carbs and sugar.  I did lose 1 1/2 lbs yesterday, but the scale is still at a point that scares me to death (250).  My lowest was 220 not nearly where I had hoped to be, and the fact that I've put 30 lbs. back on is incredibly stupid. 

Today I will eat fresh fruit or raw veggies if I have to have a snack....  and I did 20 minutes on the bike again today and hopefully I will be able to do another 10 min. later today.

Thanks for letting me share my trials and tribulations,
Pat R.

I jus****ched the rebroadcast....what struck me was the comment, "it's about the food...until it's not."

I have to think about this one. What is it about?

Worthiness. Overcoming a long time belief (or learning) that I don't deserve certain things in my life.

Feeling that I deserve to nurture myself and/or to be nurtured.

Recognition that abuse was not my fault.

Acceptance that leaving my first marriage was the path I needed to take.

Recognizing that I am an adult who is entitled to my own opinions, decisions, and choices without the consent of others.

I am sure there is more...but I think I'll stop for now.

it is so so hard, thinking you have it finally under control and there was one bite and then another and another. now all the new way of thinking is gone....have to get back to basics...i know this and yet-------
why ,why why? i know it is only 9 pounds but every time i get on the scales it is another one tenth of a pound it seems....do i even know how to stop anymore?

i am beginning to feel helpless like i did when i got so overweight. my clothes are beginning to get too tight and some have already gotten to the point i cant get them on but i REFUSE  to buy a bigger size. maybe , just maybe that will help stop it? hopefully are am i being stupid .?

Oh Jan,

I have been feeling like your last paragraph for the last month, which is part of the reason I started this post, I feel as though the daily thread is wonderful, but it is about sharing what is going on in our lives and many of us were living in secret shame with the guilt of regain and I know that because of little comments here and there and then someone I know shared how they had regained all their weight, it had been quite a while since anyone had heard from them and I know when I am not doing well my tendency is to isolate and not really talk about how I am feeling, just touching on the niceties of life. . .  while I have no solutions for anyone, what I do feel is that if we can "journal" about our struggles with people who do understand that perhaps we can share something together that will give us the strength to get back to where we were most comfortable before it becomes a case of the "f its" which is my time of giving up and then I am doomed, I was pretty close two weeks ago, eating anything that was not nailed down because my scale had moved into a place I had not seen in over 3 years and I felt like I had lost the battle.  Not so, I just needed to come here, talk about my feelings and find out that there are many among us facing the same situations.  For me, this is a safe place to discuss these things.  Thanks for jumping in and sharing your concerns, 7 lbs. becomes 10 lbs. and so it goes until we lose faith in ourselves and succumb to all the things we knew pre-surgery.

Laureen