Wild Wet Wednesday...is it SPRING yet?
Aww, hon, I'm sorry for all you have been through. BUT--and this is a very big but--you are still together and by all accounts, you still love each other very much. You have to let all that past garbage go now. What matters is your life together NOW.
So, you don't have to have a big speech prepared. Men don't like that anyway. Just be short and direct. When he says something that hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad, just say, "You know, John, that really hurts me to hear you say that." That's all you really need to say. Or sometimes I might say something like, "Well, if you think you can do it better, be my guest. Next time you do the ______, okay?"
I love and admire you so much! You are a very strong woman, and you can do this!
So, you don't have to have a big speech prepared. Men don't like that anyway. Just be short and direct. When he says something that hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad, just say, "You know, John, that really hurts me to hear you say that." That's all you really need to say. Or sometimes I might say something like, "Well, if you think you can do it better, be my guest. Next time you do the ______, okay?"
I love and admire you so much! You are a very strong woman, and you can do this!
Vickie
You are an extremely strong woman, and stronger for all you have been through, Monica. I agree with Vickie, you don't need a speech, just that one sentence, telling him how you feel when he says those hurtful words.
Now, I've never been married, but I have been hurt by others. It is hard to confront those who hurt us. Sometimes writing it down helps. I did that with my psychologist before I met with my former boss before I left the GR Press. I didn't take the written letter in, but writing it down help organize my thoughts.
I have been rejected by men, both when I was fat and now since I have lost weight. And you know what, I don't care anymore. I know who I am and what I stand for. I don't care if I have a man. That doesn't validate me. I have men friends and women friends. That's good enough. Seems like if I tried to find a man for a relationship, all I attracted were perverts. ... no thanks. I'm perfectly happy in my singlehood.
Monica, no excuses for your hubby's behavior ... but sometimes it's the pain talking ... don't know if that's the issue with this instance but I know it happens to me and I wind up apologizing to people because of it.
Now, I've never been married, but I have been hurt by others. It is hard to confront those who hurt us. Sometimes writing it down helps. I did that with my psychologist before I met with my former boss before I left the GR Press. I didn't take the written letter in, but writing it down help organize my thoughts.
I have been rejected by men, both when I was fat and now since I have lost weight. And you know what, I don't care anymore. I know who I am and what I stand for. I don't care if I have a man. That doesn't validate me. I have men friends and women friends. That's good enough. Seems like if I tried to find a man for a relationship, all I attracted were perverts. ... no thanks. I'm perfectly happy in my singlehood.
Monica, no excuses for your hubby's behavior ... but sometimes it's the pain talking ... don't know if that's the issue with this instance but I know it happens to me and I wind up apologizing to people because of it.
Hello everyone! I have slipped into "lurk mode" here at OFF for a few days, but still read. Today is a busy day on the forum so I will join in.
It's a beautiful day here in SW Florida. We have some haze in the air from smoke - brush fires are burning east of us, and there is a layer of grey hovering under the blue sky.
Mike leaves to go home after 5 days here this afternoon. I will go home on Saturday and to be honest I HATE to leave. I just love Florida! More and more I am convinced that I need to put my resume out down here, and step forward in faith that I wll be able to find employment here. I have long been discontent with my current job in PA - but keep falling back into the "safe mode" and hesitate to change anything. I realize that if a change is going to come, the next 6 months is probably the best time for it. This means - if a job came up for me - that I would be living here solo for about a year until MIke's retirement. But I am not going to leap before I look, and know I have some tasks to get done in PA if this is ever to happen, in order to make the whole transition and process work out smoothly. (Craigslist and consignment stores, here I come!)
I am feeling blessed by many things today.
On my other support forum (PA forum) we have started a "90 days of exercise" thread and are accountable for consistent, structured exercise. I love going to Jazzercise classes and will be back to my normal gym routine next week. It's a good thing!
As for the men in our lives - I once had a friend say this: You can't live with 'em....and they just won't fit in the microwave! Seriously, I do know the pain they can cause. I had to have a very thick skin in my first marriage, not because of overt abuse but because of passive aggressive behavior and the pain of living with a chronic, deeply depressed man. In the end, I faced the fear of his suicidal behavior and fear that he would turn his anger on me, and found evidence that this was likely to happen. By comparison my marriage now is absolutely Heaven, but even now I have to draw lines and boundaries when Mike gets a little critical. But I have a better perspective too, in terms of what things are most important to me. The odd thing is that as things are much better now, I have become more sensitive and allow myself to feel my own feelings to a greater degree.
Wow - didn't mean to go THERE. Sorry to be such a downer! But one of the thnigs I like about the OFF is that we all have life experience that allows us to hear certain things in an objective way.
So today....I worked out. MIke is doing some work at the table and we are eating our larger meal at lunchtime today. By 4 he has a work appointment during which I will walk thru the mall a bit, then take him to the airport for a goodbye till Saturday. Tonight? Take a good walk in the neighborhood, watch Idol, and prep for a phone in work meeting tomorrow.
Take care everyone.
It's a beautiful day here in SW Florida. We have some haze in the air from smoke - brush fires are burning east of us, and there is a layer of grey hovering under the blue sky.
Mike leaves to go home after 5 days here this afternoon. I will go home on Saturday and to be honest I HATE to leave. I just love Florida! More and more I am convinced that I need to put my resume out down here, and step forward in faith that I wll be able to find employment here. I have long been discontent with my current job in PA - but keep falling back into the "safe mode" and hesitate to change anything. I realize that if a change is going to come, the next 6 months is probably the best time for it. This means - if a job came up for me - that I would be living here solo for about a year until MIke's retirement. But I am not going to leap before I look, and know I have some tasks to get done in PA if this is ever to happen, in order to make the whole transition and process work out smoothly. (Craigslist and consignment stores, here I come!)
I am feeling blessed by many things today.
On my other support forum (PA forum) we have started a "90 days of exercise" thread and are accountable for consistent, structured exercise. I love going to Jazzercise classes and will be back to my normal gym routine next week. It's a good thing!
As for the men in our lives - I once had a friend say this: You can't live with 'em....and they just won't fit in the microwave! Seriously, I do know the pain they can cause. I had to have a very thick skin in my first marriage, not because of overt abuse but because of passive aggressive behavior and the pain of living with a chronic, deeply depressed man. In the end, I faced the fear of his suicidal behavior and fear that he would turn his anger on me, and found evidence that this was likely to happen. By comparison my marriage now is absolutely Heaven, but even now I have to draw lines and boundaries when Mike gets a little critical. But I have a better perspective too, in terms of what things are most important to me. The odd thing is that as things are much better now, I have become more sensitive and allow myself to feel my own feelings to a greater degree.
Wow - didn't mean to go THERE. Sorry to be such a downer! But one of the thnigs I like about the OFF is that we all have life experience that allows us to hear certain things in an objective way.
So today....I worked out. MIke is doing some work at the table and we are eating our larger meal at lunchtime today. By 4 he has a work appointment during which I will walk thru the mall a bit, then take him to the airport for a goodbye till Saturday. Tonight? Take a good walk in the neighborhood, watch Idol, and prep for a phone in work meeting tomorrow.
Take care everyone.
"But I have a better perspective too, in terms of what things are most important to me. The odd thing is that as things are much better now, I have become more sensitive and allow myself to feel my own feelings to a greater degree."
Oh my this statement is profound to me, I will have to really chew this to digest the concept.
At the dog park Sunday met a family of 6 from Ohio who just moved into RV par****il their Ohio home sells (on market since Oct.).She is an OR nurse and has employment. Hubby in construction, nothing yet. Four children, 2 girls 2 boys started new school and way of life on Monday. Living in a RV, with the 2 big dogs, belonging widdled down to what you really need. Many "favorite" things on many levels gone or packed away. What courage I find in them. Like those who emigated here from abroad or took a wagon train west to find and make new homes. Her skills as a professional very marketable and I hope she finds joy in her new surroundings and co-workers. Many construction projects here for him and prayers said he finds what brings him joy. You too have much to offer in your professional life. Finding a position that recognizes your unique qualities, which offers great satisfaction to you, both financial and emotional should be a great adventure. You have the gift of time to sample the "delicious dishes" out there. (always go for the food comparisons). Is there a professional "service" out there that specializes in finding great positions for mature people? Maybe you could start one! Good luck. Hugs, Monica.....glad I got to hug the real thing.
Oh my this statement is profound to me, I will have to really chew this to digest the concept.
At the dog park Sunday met a family of 6 from Ohio who just moved into RV par****il their Ohio home sells (on market since Oct.).She is an OR nurse and has employment. Hubby in construction, nothing yet. Four children, 2 girls 2 boys started new school and way of life on Monday. Living in a RV, with the 2 big dogs, belonging widdled down to what you really need. Many "favorite" things on many levels gone or packed away. What courage I find in them. Like those who emigated here from abroad or took a wagon train west to find and make new homes. Her skills as a professional very marketable and I hope she finds joy in her new surroundings and co-workers. Many construction projects here for him and prayers said he finds what brings him joy. You too have much to offer in your professional life. Finding a position that recognizes your unique qualities, which offers great satisfaction to you, both financial and emotional should be a great adventure. You have the gift of time to sample the "delicious dishes" out there. (always go for the food comparisons). Is there a professional "service" out there that specializes in finding great positions for mature people? Maybe you could start one! Good luck. Hugs, Monica.....glad I got to hug the real thing.
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HI all,
I think talking about our men is always interesting! My complaint with mine is almost the opposite of most of you- he doesn't stand up to me enough! I'm strong, and I think he should be more assertive. He is always kind and gentle. I do think that we should always have our boundaries- if our man says something hurtful- tell him. He may understand it better if you say that it makes you not want to "make love"... :) He will understand that.
My mom is still in the rehabilitation hospital. I'm thinking she will be there for 30 days. After that who knows? I'm burning my candle at both ends. She is about 50 miles from my work so I'm driving a lot.
That's it for me. 18 days left of school!
Julia
I think talking about our men is always interesting! My complaint with mine is almost the opposite of most of you- he doesn't stand up to me enough! I'm strong, and I think he should be more assertive. He is always kind and gentle. I do think that we should always have our boundaries- if our man says something hurtful- tell him. He may understand it better if you say that it makes you not want to "make love"... :) He will understand that.
My mom is still in the rehabilitation hospital. I'm thinking she will be there for 30 days. After that who knows? I'm burning my candle at both ends. She is about 50 miles from my work so I'm driving a lot.
That's it for me. 18 days left of school!
Julia
Hi Nancy and my OFF family:
It's after 2 p.m. and I'm finally getting on here. I didn't get up til noon ... bad night at work. I had seven pages to do ... three from one paper and four from Monroe sports. Well, I had computer problems to start ... the servers kept freezing on me and I had to keep logging off and signing back on ... took me an hour and half of that before I could get started on my first deadlines pages. So that put me behind my Monroe pages, which I had to really hustle to get done. Didn't really make deadline ... just barely got done by 10:35 which is late. But then everyone was late ... whoever was making pages up didn't do it right. it was a mess. Even my boss was near tears and yelling. Now she knows how I feel.
I'm in pain and have a headache ... don't plan on doing a whole lot today. I want to do laundry but don't know if I'll even get to that. I do need to get out and get a Mother's Day card and mail my card/gift card present so it gets there by Saturday. But that may be all. I'm watching the White Sox game ... they were no-hit last night but already have a couple of hits today. So that's progress.
My Imitrex is not working for me ... think I need to try something else. Doesn't look like it's going to rain out, so don't know why I have a headache and other pain.
Well, have a good day.
It's after 2 p.m. and I'm finally getting on here. I didn't get up til noon ... bad night at work. I had seven pages to do ... three from one paper and four from Monroe sports. Well, I had computer problems to start ... the servers kept freezing on me and I had to keep logging off and signing back on ... took me an hour and half of that before I could get started on my first deadlines pages. So that put me behind my Monroe pages, which I had to really hustle to get done. Didn't really make deadline ... just barely got done by 10:35 which is late. But then everyone was late ... whoever was making pages up didn't do it right. it was a mess. Even my boss was near tears and yelling. Now she knows how I feel.
I'm in pain and have a headache ... don't plan on doing a whole lot today. I want to do laundry but don't know if I'll even get to that. I do need to get out and get a Mother's Day card and mail my card/gift card present so it gets there by Saturday. But that may be all. I'm watching the White Sox game ... they were no-hit last night but already have a couple of hits today. So that's progress.
My Imitrex is not working for me ... think I need to try something else. Doesn't look like it's going to rain out, so don't know why I have a headache and other pain.
Well, have a good day.
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