Tell me about your mother.

Today is Mother’s Day, and I, like some of you, grew up without my mother.  My mother was diagnosed with metastatic carcinoma with the site of origin being her cervix.  I remember how tired she was and how she spent a lot of time lying on the sofa.  When we found out that she had cancer and that the doctor measured her mortality in months, we all prayed for a miracle.  In July, she took my little sister and me, the only two children too young to live on our own, to Ben Franklin’s and bought us gifts that she explained to us were our Christmas gifts.  I won’t be here on Christmas, she had said, and I want you girls to have one last Christmas with me. 

 

My mom was right about not being a live at Christmas; she died December 3 and we buried her December 5 as a soft dusting of snow fell.  I remember hating that they were going to put her in the cold earth.  But, today, I am not going to focus on her death or those terrible set of cir****tances that set in motion my misery at such a young age; today I am going to celebrate my mother’s life.

 

She raised ten kids alone and even though we were dirt poor, we never went to bed hungry.

Her laughter was contagious and everyone loved her for her ability to listen, her compassion, and her charity.

She made homemade bread every single day and had an incredible memory. 

No matter how sick I got or how sad I was, just her touch could turn my sadness to happiness.

She always smelled like Jergen’s lotion and her bra strap never stayed on her shoulder. (She had very small shoulders and I inherited her build—small hands, feet, and shoulders.).

From the time I have memory, we spent every single morning at the cemetery where she would sit at her daughter and son’s grave and cry; my little sister and I played amongst the headstones. 

She was a naturalist and loved spending time on the mountain.

She tried to hide the fact that my father was Hispanic and that she carried more Native American blood than she did white, but when anyone commented on my dark skin and dark hair, she quickly came to my defense. 

She could tell a good story; never seemed to meet a stranger; and cried when she heard Hank William’s songs. 

I loved her and still love her with all my heart, and every since she died, I think about her on a daily bases.

Today is Mother’s Day and to my mother:  you gave me life and did the best you could do with the short amount of time that you had to influence me.  Every day, when I look in the mirror, I see your eyes looking back.  For those brief seconds that your eyes are looking back at me I almost convince myself that it is you.  I wish you had met my children and grandkids.  I would give my life to have been able to have you in my life for one more day.  I love and miss you.

Happy Mother’s Day

 Happy Mothers Day,
Mothers Day is difficult for me.  My mother fell into a bipolar depression right after I was born, and had to be hospitalized.  Throughout my chilldhood, Mom was in and out of hospitals, spending days in her room in a terrible depression.  She and I never bonded, and we fought a lot.  When I was 14, she sent me to live with a relative, because we were fighting so much.  

As adults, we have continued to not get along very well.  I never do anything right.  As she has gotten older, Mom has perfected an entitlement attitude.  She has actually said that she is entitled to be grouchy because she is old.  Problem is, my perception is that she has always been that way.  

Sorry to be such a downer.  I still send her cards and gifts, but my heart is not in it.

Hugs, 
Trish

Trish,

My best friend's mother was bipolar and my friend had a miserable childhood.  She would spend the night with me as often as she could in order to have a "normal" house.   My sister, by then, was my gardian and ourhouse was far from normal, but we had a clean house, food on the table, and no one was being abusive.  Her mother became increasing suspicious of my friend and one day accused her of stealing a quarter from her and started beating her.  By that time, my friend was a teenager and she was able to fight back.   The police took my friend to a home for "mean kids" because she fought back.  

I'm sorry your mom wasn't the person she should have been for you; however, your recognizing it makes it easier to deal with. Happy Mother's Day to you. 

My Mom was a quirky loving woman. She helped Dad build our house from wood salvaged from old houses being torn down in our town. She not only helped build our house, she helped build our family.
I remember soooo many years of helping to build sets for plays for Brownies, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts. She was always a leader of all our troops.
She was up for anything. She let my best friend and I cut her hair when we thought being beauticians would be a great career for us. I think we were 10 or 12 at the time. She wore that horrendous haircut with pride!
She worked on and off, but always on a shift so she was home when we got off the school bus when we were young.
We never had a lot of money, but we had enough. She was very much into home made gifts for all occassions. And we all loved getting and giving them.
She and my maternal Gramma were very involved in teaching me to cook and sew (along with Ms. Spencer, my Home Ec teacher). And to love doing those things. She was also an over achiever which my Sis and I inherited. If she was asked to contribute to a bake sale she made enough stuff to BE the bake sale!
When we got older and my Sis came home from college, Mom, Gramma, my Sis and I would go 'bar hopping', to little crappy taverns all around our hick town. We danced, they drank and I would drive home!
Her and Dad retired early and travelled the country in their fifth wheel. She navigated and viseo taped almost every mile. Groan, we always had to watch the tapes when they came to visit.
On the CB and when they got their first computer and email she was Wild Wicked Wanda (her initials were WWW).
She loved to hug! She gave hugs to anyone and everyone. When my parent's moved to a retirement place in Texas she was in her element. She went down to the nursing home part of the place twice a day to visit the 'old folks'. She did Tai Chi there until 2 months before she passed. She told everyone she was 'healthy as a horse'. Also, right up until 2 months before she died.
She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer about a month before she died. My Sis and I were there with her. She had hospice and was in bed for the last 2 weeks. We were told that hearing is the last thing to 'go' and I think that is true. Momma responded to the voices of her favorites at the retirement place. She would raise her arms for a hug when the pastor, her favorite maintenance guy, her favorite waitress, the resident she joked with a lot, or my Sis or I would talk to her.
She hadn't driven in years and always depended on Daddy whenever they went anywhere. Flying or driving. The summer right after Dad died, she flew out to see my Sis and down to see me, ALL BY HERSELF. We were all so very proud of her!
She was an inspiration to all of us. I still think of her and miss her everyday. June 4th will be 3 she went to join Dad.
I could write a book. But I think ya'll get the picture. We all loved her, she loved all of us.

Your mother and grandmother sound like my mom and nana.  They taught me to quilt, sew, crotchet, and paint.  And, my mom drove us all over the country.   I miss her so much.  

Happy Mother's Day to you!!!1 It sounds like they did a really good job raising you. 

 Jeane,
My story is very much like yours,
My mother was 39 when she died. She was a very sick lady. Enlarged heart, Sick in bed all the time, Always in the hospital. I was 10 when she died. I miss her very much. I often wonder what she would look like now. She would be 87 now if she was here. 
My mother was diagnosed at the time of her death with Leukemia, undiagnosed diabetes, some kind of thyroid disorder besides the chushing disease she had. It turns out she was a time bomb!!!!
I often wonder if that is why I had thyroid cancer?????
I never got to know my mother. It is sad. I think about her everyday.
I remember the year she died, It was 1964 I was turning 10, We went to Bill Knapps for dinner they had the best Chocolate cake any one made and they gave you a free one for your birthday no mater how old you were!!!! We had a great time. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said ice skates so we went to Goldblats and got them, came home, and she went to bed, and the next morning she wasnt home. My dad wouldnt tell us where she was just took us to the neighbors to play. I got home abound 7pm cause he wouldnt let us come home. Hmmm all lot of cars were at our house, My aunts my grandma was at our house, something was up, this was three days later, Mama had died......
I died with her.....I didnt do anything for a year after that.
I didnt care about life, school, nothing. It seemed that when she died I died too.
But thru the years one heals.
Carla 

You and I were about the same child age when we lost our mom.  When my children were younger, I worried that I would die and they would not remember me.   I remember when I could no longer see my mom in my mind without a picture.  I hope your day is filled with good memories, as few as you have of your sweet mom. 

Jeanne, Happy Mother's Day and this is a nice way to honor the day and the women who gave us life. . .

This makes Mother's Day 11 that my Mom is not with me and for many years, while my Mom was alive, I had a hard time shopping for a Mother's Day card, because the relationship I had with my Mother was not the kind you read in a Hallmark card. . .

My earliest memories are not pleasant, my Mom loved me, but resented me at the same time, is how I grew up feeling, she bruised my body and my physche from a young age, but I think because of what I experienced, I tried to understand why my family life was different from those I saw around me and so through putting together the bits and pieces of her life that I heard, some of which were family secrets, I was able to mostly forgive and love her in spite of her abusive ways. 

My Mom's Mom died of tuberculous just before my Mother turned 6, her father, my grandfather, was in jail (he was involved with mafia) and so my Mom and her brother went to live with their grandmother, aunts and uncles,where love was expressed in the form of a roof over their head and discipline and where boys were valued more than girls.  She was given the best of what there was to be given, but there was that hurt that went untended because that's the way life was in the 1940s.  She grew up and had me at 19, too young and not ready for the challenges, she pawned me off to various people and well it was not an ideal childhood, but again, it was a different times, people did not so much deal with things in the manner they do today.  So we were at odds most of my life, but then, through my 12 step recovery process, I finally made peace with the past and moved into true forgiveness and was graced with an opportunity many don't get. . .  subsequently a mutual respect transformed our relationship into the loving relationship I always wanted and so on this Mother's Day, I can say I love and miss my Mom, she was a witty, intelligent, fun person, who sadly made the kind of mistakes that caused her to live a life that was greatlly shortened because she never learned to believe and claim that she deserved better.  I've learned some things through her life and I know that when she died, she loved me and was proud of me and that today her spirit lives on and through me.  I love her more out of having come to understand her and all that I lived made me a stronger, more compassionate and caring person.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Laureen

Being a strong woman, no matter how we get that strength, is as good a quality as any.  I'm happy that you have come to terms with your mom.  I hope your day is a good day and that you have some good memories to get you through this day.

Thanks Jeannie,

I do have some good memories and like I said, my Mom had some good attributes that made her funny and I have inherited her witty comebacks and as my brother tells me, you are 2.0, which is like an upgraded version of my Mom, what he says, is I am the nicer version of Marie (her name) (lol). . .  She was a good woman, with a lot of unresolved hurts. . .  I am similar, only I have spent the better part of the last 25 years, resolving those hurts and moving in a positive direction. . .

Have a great day!  Mother's Day was good, I gave myself permission to enjoy it!