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Julia,
I cry every time I get a massage and my friend who works for the dermatologists, does pressure point massage to my head and neck and omg, it feels good and I do cry too...it's a strange thing, like you say, how grief of our loved ones is so much a part of us that, over time, we even identify ourselves by the grief. My mother died when I was a little girl and I remember hurting so much in my heart and trying so hard not to cry that I developed stress related headaches from it. Even now, her memory will flood over me and I feel that lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest and I miss her so much.
Like you and so many others, I've learned to deal with that grief or, in the least, to control it but it never leaves...it's right there in my heart and my mind and my body ready to remind me that I am the motherless little girl who was told by the Baptist preacher that cold December day that my mama had died...The orphan...the little girl that loved her friends because of their mothers and rated them according to how kind their mothers were to me...and I loved when they spoke to me or offered to braid my hair...but, at best, they were mothers on loan, always to be given back.
Enough, my tears are going to spill.....
You do have a lovely smile but your bone structure in your face gives you the perfect symmetry and puts you up there with all the other beautiful ladies....
Hi Jeannie and my OFF family:
I do have nice skin but I did have acne when I was younger. I have some problems on my scalp but nothing on my face. My skin has never been very dry until I got older. I always thought I had a nice smile and nice eyes.
Don't know how many of you are on Facebook and read what is happening in my world. I will be losing my job in August. Not a big surprise, really, but I was hoping it was later. The newspaper giant that owns us is shipping all copy desk functions to Louisville. I can apply for a job at any of the "Design Studios" but don't think I want to. I'm tired of the merry-go-round of newspapers. The severance package isn't the greatest, but I'm moving on and applying for disability. If nothing else, I'll get early retirement come April.
The other thing is I'll get my neurostim on Monday. Can't wait, hope this is the answer to my pain.
So the work situation is no longer a mystery and I can get on with my life.
Anyway, have a good day.
Yes, here it is again, FRIDAY...I am getting ready to leave for my monthly facial and massage. After several years my facial person is a good friend, so we talk and are therapeutic to each other also. I can tell her things I wouldn't tell another soul and she is right there with me. Sometimes as she massages I cry. I don't know why exactly but touch can release grief. It surprises me that I have so much sadness deep in my soul. I'm happy too...but I have learned something in my 62 years. Grief is inside of your body, and even though you change and go on and have a wonderful life, you forever carry the person you lost in your heart...and as you lose more and more they are all there. I believe in crying when you need to, and living like there is no tomorrow...laugh, laugh, laugh!
What a great idea to find something wonderful about yourself and crow about it Jeannie! My best feature is my smile...and laugh. It's kind of loud and boisterous, but I know how to enjoy whatever is happening. Laughing heals the soul for a while. I am so much like my Mom that I scare myself once in a while. She really knew how to laugh.
My food today will include my protein, yogurt for lunch, mixed fruit from the fruit stand yesterday for snacks, and something from the Happy Hour choices for dinner. I will also have a glass of wine.
I will be moving like a crazy person because I need to clean house before our trip to Tahoe on Sunday. I want to come home to clean. Of course there will be dog hair when we get back, but the rest will be clean!
If I forgot some of you, please remember, I am old so remind me. And you have my permission to say, hey, you forgot me and you owe me an apology...I will totally pay up.
I know you guys are all going to be getting busy with the weekend coming up, so this will be brief. I am leaving for the AP scoring and will be out of pocket for about eight days,depending upon how many of those awful essays we have to score. I will not be able to get online from about 8 until after 5, so I will be unable to post unless it is early, early or late, late. I will make myself check in every evening,eve if it is to just say hello. Also I wanted to let you guys know that my plans are to continue with the yoga and ETS puts us up in about three or so hotels in KC MO and they have nice gyms, so I will try to get some walking on the treadmill....If I can, I am going to lose five pounds this week....because I will do walking around the hotel, the convention center, the treadmill and the vegetarian options for the foods they serve are not the greatest so I'll starve all week.
Today I ate my loaded oatmeal and it was good and I didn't have a negative stomach issue so two times means I am good to continue with the oatmeal. Since I live so close to KC (4 hours away), DH is driving me up so we will stop for a quick lunch at one of the Chinese places along the way, Dinner will be awful food from ETS....they feed us three meals and three snacks a day...The money I make reading (close to 2000 bucks) is money I take my grandkids on vacation...this year we are going to Yellowstone. I have the two younger ones doing research on Yellowstone and they are putting together a powerpoint to present to us...I know, the teacher in me.
Okay, ladies....eat sensibly, move some or a lot....just move, walk to the curb and back, move....do some chair stretches, and drink tha****er....and appreciate your body. My therapists said, stand in front of the mirror and find one good thing about yourself that you love and for me it is my eyes. I have always had three colors in my eyes (green, brown, and this golden looking flecks), so when I think my skin cannot hang any lower or my face cannot get anymore wrinkled, I look at my eyes and I say, girl, you got some nice looking eyes behind those bags.....I hope you guys look at yourself and pick one thing or five or six things that you have going on...Julia, you are beautiful and have such structure to your face, Kathy, you heart fills your personality, Linda, holy cow, you, too, are gorgeous, Laureen, you have gorgeous hair, Carla--our little Carla, you have such adventure and energy...I love it for you....Debbie, if you're reading, you have gorgeous lips...I looked at your picture and blew it up...girl...put some gloss on those lips; Eileen, your skin is perfect...I bet you never had a blemish, did you?; Janet, if you are swinging by, your hair...by far...is a great asset but you are like Julia, you have a face that is gorgeous; Trish, you have to have some good genes in that body cause your grand babies are gorgeous; Susan from AR, gorgeous in picture and in person; Karen C...of course I hope you talk about your face but your heart and your traveling spirit; Nancy, of course it's your hair, but pictures are not easy to really see the beauty; and Maui Karen, girl...you rock it. Guys take a minute to tell us what you see that stands out....Brag on you today...Friday will be the day the Fantastic Formerly Fat Females claim their beauty...rock on ladies and let me hear you brag. Oh, I also have a very nice set of hands, or so I've been told...small and dainty and very smooth.
Kathy,
My husband supported me too. I have to say that I really struggled with my libido but my gynecologists said that if I don't take hormones, my external genitalia will atrophy and I could start developing bladder infections and other things but she said, having regular, you know, ******s, can slow it down a little bit. I still cannot take the hormones because of the breast cancer genes that run through my family...all but one of sisters has it and I haven't been tested. I do get mammograms and ultrasounds every year and every six months but still, you know, I worry.
I think each of us go through the processes individually and it's nice that we can discuss these things, ask questions, talk about how to handle these processes all of...holistically.
And, sometimes, we need to strike a fire. you know?
Julia,
It's so strange how much the mind controls the libido. I remember after the car accident, I began gaining so much weight and really, I didn't even want to know that I had sex organs let alone use them. LOL.....
I am so happy you participated. I think we need to holistically handle these situations. LOL....YOu are a good friend, for sure.
I totally agree...it is a process.
Hi Jeannie & Julia!
Jeannie, you bring u the most interesting topics...lol!
I see where the board has been slow this week so maybe this might get things going although midnight & the weekend are fast approaching!
My husband married me at almost 300 pounds and never had issues w/my weight. In fact,, he encouraged my eating always bringing home surprise snacks...probably a self-esteem thing on his part. I did not like how heavy I was...it really made me feel unattractive...especially in the bedroom!
Like Julia I didn't begin gaining weight until after my kids were born so during my 1st marriage I was young & slender & could wear cute nightwear. Now it was granny panties, big support bras & nightgowns like mumus...a real turn off in the bedroom for me. But we made out okay the first several years b/c of the passion that overtakes you despite any obstacles.
However, as my weight began to pass the 300 mark I was tired all the time, felt like I needed to take an in-depth shower before doing anything which killed any spontaneity & moving around became limited. And after my cancer & hysterectomy a few years ago I had NO drive at all.
My drive still sucks. Again, this man is still so supportive never pressuring me & telling me he loved me fat & he is proud of me now. I imagine it will take me awhile to get adjusted to how I look & feel since the weight has come off & then maybe feel more sexual than I had during my very fat years.
Everything is really a process, isn't it?
Kathy
Great topic Jeannie. I was not overweight until after I had my child. I have always been sexual and lived through the 70s with lovers that I did not marry. When I got pregnant my life went crazy. I was very sick during the nine months, morning sickness that lasted all the way through. Looking back on it I also think that I was clinically depressed, but thought it was pregnancy. After my daughter was born I had an infected epesiotomy that after several months of antibiotics had to be surgically repaired. Immediately after that surgery my older brother Jim was in a horrible car accident and became quadriplegic. Several weeks after that my baby brother was diagnosed with AIDS and died six months later. The reason that this is related to weight gain and sex is that the depression that I went through was the catalyst to my weight gain of 150 pounds. I am not sure if it was the weight or the depression or both but I was not sexual at all...I was in survival mode. I kept working but only because my therapist made me promise not to give up and she gave me her home phone number to call when I was struggling to go to work. She saved me in so many ways. I did finally regain my sexuality, but I think it was unrelated to weight gain or loss. After my surgery and significant weight loss my self esteem improved to the point that I felt my desirability to men in general return and that was definitely a boost to my sexuality in general. I lost a lot of weight in my face and I felt pretty again, which I had lost completely during the grief and weight gain phase.
