It is still Wednesday, technically, so here I am at the tail end again.

Fuunny weather here..I actually had to wear a jacket!

Today was our BeeNIAGARA networking business luncheon in the city. I ordered the stuffed sole and asked them to pack all the rest of the meal for takeout, then also ordered a BBQ'd kabob combo (chicken, beef & pork) w/o sauce..perfect for me & thgen I did not have to cook this evening.

I spoke on behalf of our Business & Professional Women's Advocacy Organization, and then about my own business "COLOUR ME HAPPY", donated some of my Mandala notecards for a door prize and gave very positive compliments to our hostess who set up the amazing WOW GAL CELEBRATION this last weekend.

From there, I picked up some chicken fillets & "piggy wings"...lolol...at the butcher, with a gift certificate, then stopped again to pick up my special custom support stockings which I wear for chronic lymphodema in both legs from groin to toes.

For some reason, I had an upset tummy...the cancer meds affect my intestines and I had a 25 minute drive to get home, if I didn't get stopped by one of the Canal bridges going up (Laker boats heading up the mountain from the Great Lakes). Someone was watching for me and I made it home in time.

Meanwhile Derek had driven JB out of town to get his monthly eye injection...# 9... for maccular degeneration...JB cannot drive after the needles so dear Derek (our younger son who lives next door) is always there to chauffeur.

After changing into cozy warm fleece, (I was shaky and cold),I lay down for a bit until the guys returned. I was glad to have thought to order takeout (but very healthy Greek food).

B- hot chocolate protein drink

S -peppermint tea

L -two small sole fillets stuffed with tiny shrimp

S - piece of hard cheddar cheese

d - Mexican casserole-mainly ground beef, black beans, corn, edamme & stewed tomatoes & basil

Bedtime- hot chocolate protein drink w/ meds

You know, sometimes it is just nice to talk about what life was like. Most of the time, when I visit the before scenarios, I talk about booth fear (a fear of trying to sit in a booth at restaurants) or the inability to walk far or having to buy sheets and make myself these huge muumuus . We all have those stories that we share with each other and with those awaiting surgery so that we can, no matter what, show the benefits of WLS.Today, though, I wanted to talk about more intimate issues...you know, in the bedroom. I know this is something we don't always discuss because really, who talks about the bedroom, but I wanted to go there....I am not going to embarrass any of you, I promise, so bear with me while I talk about life after dark.

     I don't know if you all remember, but my DH and I will be celebrating our 15-year anniversary this month, and we were talking about our life together before WLS. He said to me, "because I knew you all your life, when I looked at you, I saw that beautiful, energetic, intelligent, girl who could dance me under the table and who captured the looks and the hearts of all the men who had the pleasure of meeting you...but when you started gaining weight, even though I knew you; I loved you, you had this look in your eyes that was the hardest thing for me to witness. Remember, you use to make up excuses for staying home...or staying in the car. When we were going to be around new people, you were so stressed and you would get sick at the last minute. Your joy was your kids, our grandson, and us...and you didn't want anything else."

         I'm sure that every one in my family and people who knew me, even though they may not have seen me in years, thought he was crazy for marrying me. I was, after all, the largest person in my family and the largest person in our town...I kid you not. But we have always had a connection, and when it was just he and I, I was comfortable in my skin...I knew he loved me and I knew he was not distracted by my size. But, we had problems. For instance, I couldn't sleep in our bed, at first. I slept in a hospital bed. I couldn't sit on the sofa with him; I had to sit in a lift chair to get me up and down. It's true, I had been in a car accident so my back and neck were broken, but over the years, before we were married, I was able to walk a little and the year before we married and the first year after, I lost from over 590 or so pounds down to 360 or so pounds.

         But, my blood pressure was going up and my lungs were not able to provide me with oxygen; I was on the verge of having to use insulin, and I had already had surgery on my knees and wrists from lifting myself up...When I lost the two hundred pounds before WLS, I was still unable to sleep in bed with my husband...we were fortunate that our bedroom was large enough, in the old farm house, for our queen sized bed and my hospital bed. Every night, he would help me get into the shower and out; he would rub my back with lotion; rub my feet with lotion; and put my giant sheet made muumuus over my head and help me into the bed room, and then he would pull back the covers on my hospital bed and help me get into bed and he would prop me with pillows and cover me up...I always faced his bed and he lay in bed facing me. He would kiss me goodnight and when I needed to get up and go to the bathroom, he would help me get up and out of bed and walk with me to the bathroom. I had adaptive devices for cleaning myself because my arms were too short to reach around my belly and take care of my personal hygiene.

Shortly after we were married, I began working toward ditching the hospital bed. So I started by slowly, over time, laying my hospital bed flatter and flatter until it was completely horizontal, and I was eventually able to get into my husband's bed with him. We cuddled for the first time. And even though my hips and back killed me, I suffered until I could sleep the night through, and we began having a normal married life or as normal as a man can have with a disable wife who weighs probably three times his weight.

Then, damnit, I started going through the change of life and let me just say that while my menstrual cycles had always been mild, the change was hurricane Red...I bled and bled and my husband, bless his heart, and I struggled to find out the best way to pad me to keep him dry...and after six months it stopped. I was so thankful. And our life got back to normal, for a while.

         My doctor suggested to me to have WLS because of all my various illnesses, and he was blunt when he said he was afraid I was going to die in my sleep...so I began doing the research. I found out that my husband's insurance on me would pay for it; I also found out that I needed to diet for a year and while I had been dieting for two years, I documented the diet and exercise program but slowly, I gained more weight....there just comes a time when we lose weight before WLS and our body learns to live on fewer calories etc. So, like many of you, I gained weight back and couldn't wait to have the surgery.

         So, I found a doctor, got approved, and had to wait on my blood count to go up. The thing about me was that in addition to the awful bleeding from the change; I also had this horrible tumor that was growing in my uterus and that was sucking my blood....so a year before the surgery, I had a total abdominal hysterectomy where the doctor removed a tumor the size of a soccer ball that had it's own very vascular circulatory system and it was efficiently starving my body to death....the blood that is. I'm sure if I had not had it removed, I would have probably saw some pounds come off, so getting the hysterectomy, I was able to start seeing a rise in my blood count.

         While waiting for the WLS, my husband and I planned what life would be like. We were excited that he might someday be able to hold me in his lap; I was excited that sometimes I might be on top ( you know?) or him on top and not all this side laying crap.  Anyway, the day came and I recovered and the weight started falling off of me. I wore clothes that I bought instead of made, I wore pants that were not stretchy and I wore jeans, real jeans. And one night, I'll never forget it, we were in bed and it was the most natural thing for me to roll over and slide on top of him without hurting my hips or back or hurting him...he said, wow, your heart isn't beating out of your chest and you are not winded.... many months later, he said when we were being sexual, he was always afraid I would have a heart attack because my heart would beat so fast and loud...and he was right.

         My point for sharing these really intimate details of my pre and post surgical life is that women our age are not often seen as sexual beings so we visit the major forums where there is talk about sex and being hot and getting busy, but we are often thought to only be concerned about extending our life by a decade or two...but the truth is, when we have WLS, sure the health is a perk, but we do it to regain our sexuality...we want to be seen as desirable and sexy, and we want to sit across from our partner and notice him or her checking us out and realize that he or she is going to skip dessert because of wanting me...us...you know. I loved that after losing all that weight, and having had a total hysterectomy without hormone replacement therapy, I still wanted to have those kinds of relationships and to be frank, I liked that it could be done without adaptive devices...well...there are some devices that I would call necessary for us gals whose husbands have sort of hit past the prime of their lives...those are adaptive but not totally necessary because we can reach those areas ourselves.

         Ladies, we are never too old or too big or too small to need intimacy with our partners or with ourselves...there's nothing wrong with going a little solo workout that raises the heart rate, kicks in the calorie burning, and causes our body to release endorphins that help us sleep and can kick a *****'s headache to the curb. Plus normal sexual activity increases our metabolism and decreases stress.  If you still haven't found your sexuality, look for it.... make a visit to the sex shops and get yourself a nice vibrator that has a nice handle and buy some healthy lubricant and take yourselves on a journey to reclaim your pleasure.... It his has made some of you uncomfortable, I am truly sorry but if it has caused some of you to think abut or even light that fire that boils under the skin...I have achieved my desired affect. 

I'm glad we had this conversation and I hope you all feel okay to discuss sex as freely as I have and that you do discuss it. We are, after all, adults and we are women in need of reclaiming our lives and we share other intimate parts of our lives, so why not this too....So what was your most important reclamation in the bedroom...after surgery or before.

Julia,

I lived in the Bay Area from 1972 until I came back East in the late Spring of 1974, first living in the Piedmont section of Oakland, then moving to Pleasant Hill, my son was born in Alameda Hospital and I loved the trips we took to Tahoe, as my ex-husband, liked to gamble, but, me I loved the mountains and thought Lake Tahoe was the most beautiful place on earth, I still see it in my mind that way, even though I've not been there since.  When I was younger, I always wanted to go back to live in Cali, however, because of my family, I stayed on the East Coast and while I am a native NY'r, I find my peace in nature and California has some beautiful natural places, hopefully, I will be healthy enough to explore things more when I retire, you are blessed to be young and retired, hoping at 70 I'll be young enough (lol). . .

Laureen

Yvonne,

You should go get your lab work done...you could have low iron...I freeze so much that I wear a jacket in the winter.