OK,  got this again this evening.  "You're having gastric bypass?!?  Why?  You don't need it.  You don't look all that heavy to me."

This drives me crazy.  I am not as heavy as some, but I am obese and was at a BMI of 43 when my PCP recommended me for bariatric surgery.  At my heaviest last fall I was at 260.  Because the Kaiser Options class emphasized having to lose weight before the surgery, by the time of my surgeon consult in August I'd fought my way down to 242.  And I've been so paranoid about gaining weight & forfeiting surgery since then I've even managed to lose about 3 more pounds by giving up almost everything under the sun (well, it seems like it anyway).

I know my looks can be deceptive--all my weight is around my middle & I mostly wear very loose fitting tops because I can't stand tight clothing.    But come on,  I have 2-3 chins and from the side I look pregnant my stomach sticks out so far.   My butt is so big that if I laid down a 747 could land on it.  How can anyone look at me and not realize I'm fat.  And why should I have to justify my decision to anyone, anway? I am so grateful that my surgery is just a few days away.  But you just know that after that the "why" folks will get on the "haggard" bandwagon.

Sorry for the rant.  I came so close to smacking the woman upside the head this evening that I just had to let off a bit of steam! 

I know exactly how you feel! I get that all the time, especially from people who don't know me that well. We may not look that heavy but they don't know the daily struggles with the extra poundage. Having to turn sideways and suck in to squeeze through places a skinny person could walk thru, not having the cutest of clothes cuz they don't come big enough, all the health problems and joint pain.

 I haven't had a lot of problems.  But i don't have a lot of friends.  Being new to our town and working from home makes one a loner...and being fat.  So i have pretty much not told anyone.  Not even my grandkids whom the oldest is 12 does not know but i live in a different state.  I want the shock surprise for her.  But when i had the surgery my daughter put on FB to wish me luck and lots of prayers. My sister got on and asked what kind of surgery i had and thats it.  That was almost a month ago and not even a question if i am alive or dead.  Yeah i am not close to them either..lol  I just don't want to tell the few people i know i guess because if i failed then what?? I guess its pretty fail proof for now.  And back to the shock affect for anyone else i know will be nice.  lol  
good luck on the surgery...

I'm guessing that most people that ask that question don't mean to be rude or critical.  They just don't have very good manners or social skills.

Try not to get defensive because you don't have to justify your need for WLS (or any other type of medical care) to anybody.  Unless the person asking is someone very close to you whose opinion you really care about, just give a very short answer.  To most people, I probably would not say something like, "I'm heavier than I look," because I think that just invites them to ask how much I weigh.  I think I'd say something  like, "My doctor feels it will benefit me" and then change the subject or walk away.

 Hi Susan, I wouldn't worry about what people think. I also lost weight before surgery do to the advise in my options class so on my day of surgery I weighed 203 So I know alot of people thought I was nuts but I did this to be healthy and to get off all my meds so I didn't give a S--- what people thought I just let it go in one ear and out the other.. You are doing this for yourself not for them.. Good luck and keep your head up..

Thanks all. Usually I kinda let it roll off my back. The closer I get to surgery, though, the more I hear this from friends, co-workers and even complete strangers.

And how, you ask, do complete strangers even know? Well, it's all my surgeon's fault. Following Dr. Suh's "shopping list" I piled my grocery basket high: several containers of chicken & beef broth, boxes & boxes of sugar-free popsicles, sugar-free jello, sugar-free pudding, a large amount of Crystal Light, Diet Ocean Spray cranberry-pomagranite juice, and several bottles of flavored water (on sale for $1 so why not) and two 32 bottle flats of Dasani water. Plus chap stick, a big bag of dog food for my large dog who is being kept by a friend through next week and a little bag of dog food for my two small dogs being boarded at the vet. The cashier looked at me like I was insane and said "um...that's an odd bunch of groceries...?" Rather than telling her to mind her own business, I told her what it was all for. To which replied...wait for it...

"Why?!? You don't look heavy enough for that!"

Gaaaah!

You should have told her that the big bag of dogfood was what you like to snack on in the evenings!!!

That would definitely give her something to talk about at break!!!

How rude of her to comment on your groceries!  Maybe if that happens again you can say something like, "Um... that's an odd thing to say to a customer."

LOL.  I'm not usually that quick off the trigger with snappy answers.  I will add that one to my repertoire, though.

I got tons of the same response initially. But I stuck to my guns, and I'm so glad I did!

It's how you feel about yourself, not what other people think, that counts. I had a friend apologize the other day for not having been a good enough support to me around my decision for surgery, and it was good to hear!

Stick to your guns! You have to decide what's best for you.