I'm having serious doubts about having RNY (Tuesday!).  I know its normal, but I haven't slept in days and even have some stomach upset.  I am having a really hard time knowing that if there are any issues I'm doing this to myself.  I don't think I've tried hard enough on my own to lose the excess weight.  I of course even doubt that I'm really diabetic.  It's got to be some test anomoly.  My last A1C was 6.8.  That's not bad.  Maybe I'm getting better on my own?

Then I'm reminded that RNY has a 96% chance of basically curing my Type 2 diabetes, and weight loss on its own does not.  And that although I will have pain after surgery, it won't last forever.  I'll lose the excess weight much faster than I ever could on my own. 

Then I ask myself why bother any of it?  I'm single, no kids, very much alone.  Not that I'm suicidal or anything, but what do I have to live long for?  Maybe I should just stay fat and enjoy my best friend food?

 How sad is that... our best friend is food.  I was thinking last night about all the food I am going to miss.  Then I remembered how all that food made me the miserable person I am.

Good point.  I guess I need to remind myself of miserable moments due to weight or illness.  Like how I couldn't climb the dunes with my brother and nephew.  Or how I'm scared to go on a plane because what if they make me buy and extra seat? 

I'm pre-op myself and still a few months away from surgery, so can't speak from experience other than to say even now I play headgames with myself about my decision.  Maybe it would help to sit down and write the pros and cons that got you to this stage already.  It might help clarify things for you.

With regards to your other health problems, remember that with age they are not likely to get any better without dramatic changes in your lifestyle.  Also, that they will not only potentially shorten your life but also (perhaps more importantly) affect your quality of life.

Having said all this - you can always change your mind, delay things further, if you feel you really aren't ready.  I doubt you will be the first person to do this.

This is a drastic change we are making/planning to make.  Most of us (as I understand) get cold feet before hand.  Look carefully (and hopefully) objectively at why you started this journey in the first place.  See if you feel commited to working on the changes necessary post-op.  If you feel you are depressed (even if not suicidal) perhaps working on that first will help you move forward in a more positive way.

I am sorry you are struggling.  I hope you make a decision that is right for you right now.

Keep posting if you find it helpful (I know I do).  At least here we will find people who understand.

Andrea.

I was pretty scared about my surgery during the last few days of my old life.   My only regret now is that I waited so long to have it done.  Without question this has been the best overall decision I have ever made in my life.  For the first time in my life I am not afraid to step on a scale.   I am 6 weeks out and down 40 lbs.      

you will be so happy you did it once it's over--I wish I would have had the surgery YEARS ago!!  my diabetes was gone as soon as surgery was over!! :)  we all have the doubts--it is normal, but you have gotten to this point--keep going!! :)  good luck to you and keep your eyes on the prize--a new you!!

If you don't think you've tried hard enough to lose the weight without surgery, then by all means, do not have surgery!  It would surprise me if you had not tried to lose weight by dieting before you scheduled WLS, and most surgeons won't operate if patients haven't tried to lose weight in other ways, and most insurance companies won't pay for WLS unless patients can show that they've tried dieting before... but if you haven't tried losing weight without surgery, then please, try it before you have surgery!

If you have diabetes, it won't get better by itself.  I'm not saying surgery is the only way to fix it.  Some people have gotten rid of diabetes by going on a strict diet.  I saw a documentay once about how a group of people went on a raw food diet (no cooked food, no processed foods, just all fresh stuff) and their diabetes was gone in something like 30 days.  I don't think I could handle that, though.

You will have pain after surgery.  But you're right, it won't last forever.  You'll have pain from arthritis and stuff if you remain morbidly obese, and that pain will last much longer than the pain from surgery.

What do you have to live long for?  Friends?  Family?  Pets?  And if you don't have anything to live long for, would you like to have something to live for?  You could just stay fat and enjoy your best friend food if you want to.  Are you really enjoying it that much?  Has food really been a great friend to you?  Would you prefer to have a short life with all the food you want, or would you prefer to have a long life with the health and energy to find other things to live for?

 I just have to say..i am sorry you feel so badly about yourself.  I am a lot the same way.  But even despite a few bad days lately i have been able to smile because inside my loss of 50 lbs so far has made me FEEL so much better and healthy.  I still look in the mirror and think jeez am i ever going to lose weight or am i just going to always look fat?  lol pretty silly as my clothes are super duper loose and its obvious i have lost weight.  Both my daughter and husband on separate occassions have said they lost me in the store because my looks have changed. 
I also know the fear your having.  I swear to you i wanted to bolt from that hospital bed in presurgery.  I wanted to flee and not ever CHANGE.   Sometimes change is so scary you just want to stay the same way.  Who knows, after you have the surgery, you feel better, you start losing weight, and start livign your life again someone might actually want to be part of your life because you have let them in.  And maybe kids will someday be part of the equation.  But like a previoius poster said, your health issues you have now will NOT get better on their own and in time will get worse so i would think really hard about your decisions.  Maybe think about getting in some counseling.  You really are worth this change.   I am 48 years old and i wish i would have done this earlier.  Silly me for waiting so dang long.  ha.   Good luck and keep us updated.  

 I am very sorry you feel this way but I also understand.  I, myself, am divorced, no kids, do have sisters and a nephew, disabled, which, if I was honest about it was probably caused by being overweight and at one time in my life felt I had nothing to live for.  I was the caretaker for my parents and I know I could not have taken the care of my father that I did had I not had weight loss surgery.  My A1C was in the 6's when I had my surgery and my feet constantly hurt.  I feel so much better and no foot pain since my A1C has been in the low 5's.  I was also scared and honestly I am such a slow loser that I sometimes wonder why I did this, but then when I think of all the things I can do now that I couldn't before I know that it has been worth it all.  My best friend was food, too.  Now I have to figure out what I am going to eat because I have no desire to eat.  I can honestly say it makes me sick to watch people stuff food in their mouths.  Even makes me sick to see pictures of a huge plate of food.  I eat find, am healthy for the first time in my adult years.  

I bet you have tried to lose weight.  I can't imagine anyone that hasn't.  Even my sister that is only 150 lbs tries to lose and she is tall and handles her weight fine.  You know one thing that I am so happy about losing?  I now have a bit of a lap and the cat can get up in it without falling off.  I don't have to wear a seat beat extender.  I don't have to worry am I going to break down that chair, I can't buy clothes in normal sizes yet, but I can find nice clothes that fit, where as before I was at the top of the X's.  What is funny is every time I find something I like that is on sale, they only have 4-5 X sizes left, before it was only 1-2X.  

I have always heard that you forget the pain of having a baby.  I have never had one so I don't know, but I do know that I do not recall any pain from surgery.  I do recall them begging me to take pain meds so my blood pressure would come down.  Now, my blood pressure is actually on the low side, with no pain meds.  I was also afraid that when my father passed away I would be so lonely.  He died in June and I am not lonely.  I actually feel free for the first time in 13 years.  Don't get me wrong, I'd have my mother or dad back in a heart beat if they could be well, but not like either of them were before they died.  I do miss my dad really bad but not like I thought I would and I know had I not had this surgery that I would be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.  

It is your decision but I can say it is the best decision I have ever made.  

Funny you talking about being sick watching people eat.  At a month out and hubby out of town I haven't really watched anyone eat as such.  I cook for son, but don'****ch him eat it.  I'm usually wondering around the room talking to him while he eats but not really focusing on what he is doing.

I haven't felt sick or nauseated at all in general - until the other night on the news, they showed a clip of some fair where people were eating competitively.  OMG, I could have hurled.  It was revolting.  Every time they showed a clip of this little woman shoveling chilli in her mouth I had to look away.  I had a real visceral reaction to it.  Bleugh!    Don't know what I'll be like with people eating normally.