Arguing with your doc
Did you think I was gonna tell you that it was OK to argue with you doc or how to argue with your doc? Surprise! I'm gonna tell you not to argue with your doc!
Really. There is no need to argue with your doc.
If your doc is particularly argumentative, you might wanna consider finding a new doc.
Now, just because I don't think you should argue with your doc, that does not mean I think you should always agree with your doc or just go along with whatever he says.
If you have the right doc for you, hopefully you agree with him most of the time. If you almost never agree with him, think about finding a new doc.
but it's just not reasonable to think that two people, any two people, will always agree 100%. So what do you do when you don't agree with your doc? You say "I don't agree because....." and state your reasons precisely and politely. For instance, if your doc says you should take D2 instead of D3, you can say "I don't agree because both the Vitamin D Council and the Linus Pauling Institute say D3 is absorbed better." If your doc says he doesn't agree and thinks you should take D2 but you really think you need D3, you can just say "I will be taking D3. Thanks for your input." No need to argue. You don't need to make your doc agree with you.
See? I hardly every argue with my doc! Honest.
Really. There is no need to argue with your doc.
If your doc is particularly argumentative, you might wanna consider finding a new doc.
Now, just because I don't think you should argue with your doc, that does not mean I think you should always agree with your doc or just go along with whatever he says.
If you have the right doc for you, hopefully you agree with him most of the time. If you almost never agree with him, think about finding a new doc.
but it's just not reasonable to think that two people, any two people, will always agree 100%. So what do you do when you don't agree with your doc? You say "I don't agree because....." and state your reasons precisely and politely. For instance, if your doc says you should take D2 instead of D3, you can say "I don't agree because both the Vitamin D Council and the Linus Pauling Institute say D3 is absorbed better." If your doc says he doesn't agree and thinks you should take D2 but you really think you need D3, you can just say "I will be taking D3. Thanks for your input." No need to argue. You don't need to make your doc agree with you.
See? I hardly every argue with my doc! Honest.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I don't always agree with my doc but I know that he has my best interests at heart. He nearly flipped his lid when I told him I was going to Mexico for surgery, and understandably so. He spent time researching the doctor I chose to do the surgery. He didn't have to do that, it was my decision. He has been very supportive since the surgery and does all my follow-up care. I may not agree with him all the time, but I do know he cares. I just wish everyone could have as great a doctor as I have.
Sandy
HW 225, SW 219, GW 140, CW 124
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
That is so wonderful that he researched the doc you chose for surgery. I can understand his concerns about going out of the country for surgery. I'm glad he's so supportive. He obviously does care a great deal.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Kelly, you are so right. Last May when i had my 2 year f/u with my surgeon he asked about my eating. I told him I eat 6 small meals per day...he was not happy about that. He said it can lead to grazing. I told him that I now have blood sugar issues and that combined with the extreme exercising I do, I need the energy all day long.
He never "agreed" just told me to be careful and be mindful of what I put in my mouth. I'd pass out every day if I tried to only eat 3x a day :).
He never "agreed" just told me to be careful and be mindful of what I put in my mouth. I'd pass out every day if I tried to only eat 3x a day :).
I adore my Drs! My primary is AMAZING and more proactive and open than any Dr. I've ever had! I'm only his 2nd WLS patient (his first sent me to him and she's VERY particular about Drs and gave him some REALLY good lessons on WLS patients, lol)
Anything I need done he's open to trying and if he's not sure or doesn't know much about it, he looks it up and is willing to learn! I go to him with what labs I need done, he orders them! I feel comfortable bringing things up that he may not be aware of or what I've learned or read and he listens! My iron was low 6 months post op and we sat down and discussed what type of iron I was taking and what we could do to get it where it needed to be!
I have a great team of Drs from my primary to my ob who are willing to learn and not of that mindset that "I'm the Dr. I know everything"!
I had a Dr. who everytime I went to her would say "I know you're going through a lot...hang in there" instead of offering suggestions or a protactive approach to what we could do to get my health where it needed to be! I came to her with a DX from another Dr for Fibromyalgia and her reponse was "well antidepressants treat that and you're already on one so there's nothing else I can do"....yeah I found a new Dr. who did more for me in the first 6 months I was his patient than this Dr. did in the 3 yrs I was with her!
I've come to my Dr. with A LOT of what I've learned about post op stuff and never felt like I had to argue with him. Like you said, I state my concerns or what I've learned politely and he looks into it! I think we NEED to be proactive and knowledgable when it comes to our health and a good Dr. pays attention and is open to hearing what you've got to say! If not.....find a Dr. who better fits your needs!
Anything I need done he's open to trying and if he's not sure or doesn't know much about it, he looks it up and is willing to learn! I go to him with what labs I need done, he orders them! I feel comfortable bringing things up that he may not be aware of or what I've learned or read and he listens! My iron was low 6 months post op and we sat down and discussed what type of iron I was taking and what we could do to get it where it needed to be!
I have a great team of Drs from my primary to my ob who are willing to learn and not of that mindset that "I'm the Dr. I know everything"!
I had a Dr. who everytime I went to her would say "I know you're going through a lot...hang in there" instead of offering suggestions or a protactive approach to what we could do to get my health where it needed to be! I came to her with a DX from another Dr for Fibromyalgia and her reponse was "well antidepressants treat that and you're already on one so there's nothing else I can do"....yeah I found a new Dr. who did more for me in the first 6 months I was his patient than this Dr. did in the 3 yrs I was with her!
I've come to my Dr. with A LOT of what I've learned about post op stuff and never felt like I had to argue with him. Like you said, I state my concerns or what I've learned politely and he looks into it! I think we NEED to be proactive and knowledgable when it comes to our health and a good Dr. pays attention and is open to hearing what you've got to say! If not.....find a Dr. who better fits your needs!
"Be present for your journey, get to know who you really are and then be your authentic self with NO apologies"
You can follow my journey at mandaschange.blogspot.com
You can follow my journey at mandaschange.blogspot.com
I ask a lot of questions of my various doctors to be sure I understand the situation, the treatment options, etc., and the only doctor I have ever had an actual argument with -- no yelling, of course, just very tense and contentious -- was my RNY surgeon when she informed me that she does NOT do surgery for pain from adhesions, that she felt like I just "wanted an operation" (huh?!?) and would not be happy until I got one, and that I might just have to live with the pain. I was hurt and angry and let her know it... and let her know how offensive it was to have her not offer me ANY suggestions for what to do about the pain I was having but then accuse me of just "wanting an operation". In some ways it seemed very out-of-character for her (she had always been very supportive and willing to answer questions, etc.), but in other ways seemed very IN-CHARACTER for her because -- like many surgeons -- she has very strong opinions about how things should be done (including what should and should not BE done), and is used to getting her way because she makes the rules. That was back in 2010 when the pain was occurring only about every 4-6 weeks.
By this summer, when the pain was even more intense and was happening every few days to a week, and could last a couple of days at a time (and none of the battery of scans, tests, and ER showed anything at all) -- and my PCP had put me on medical leave because I was out of sick time and my job was at risk, and my RNY surgeon knew I had an appointment with her former surgical mentor for a consultation and had appontments for the following month at the Cleveland Clinic -- at my 4-year follow-up, she once again said something about me "wanting an operation" and I calmly but firmly told her that no, I did NOT specifically want surgery, but that I needed the pain to stop so I could have a life, and that no one -- including her -- had given me any non-surgical solutions. That was the end of the discussion, and there was no tension. She spoke her mind and I spoke mine. Two days later, she personally called me and offered to do the exploratory surgery if I wanted her to do it (or I couild keep the consultation with the other surgeon and/or the Cleveland Clinic appointments). Less than a week later she did the surgery and found lots of adhesions AND found my intestine actually growing into the mesh from my hernia repair.
The point (!) is that arguing with her -- even though it made me FEEL better to express my anger and frustration -- wasn't productive. Simply accepting the point of disagreement (her policy not to do surgery for pain without evidence of anything other than adhesions), pursuing a solution with other doctors, and then being calm but firm about my position and what I needed when the opportunity presented itself was productive. (Yes, the increase in intensity and frequency of the pain had something to do with it as well, and she probably still would have refused to do anything if it was still only happening every 4-6 weeks, but still...)
If you do not communicate well with your potential surgeon BEFORE surgery, though, you would be wise to seek out a new surgeon. This is not a short-term medical relationship you are entering into... there is the potential for various RNY-related complications at any time down the road, and you will need to have a good working relationship (and the ability to effectively communicate with) your surgeon. If you cannot do that before surgery, you will almost certainly not be able to do so afterward.
Lora
By this summer, when the pain was even more intense and was happening every few days to a week, and could last a couple of days at a time (and none of the battery of scans, tests, and ER showed anything at all) -- and my PCP had put me on medical leave because I was out of sick time and my job was at risk, and my RNY surgeon knew I had an appointment with her former surgical mentor for a consultation and had appontments for the following month at the Cleveland Clinic -- at my 4-year follow-up, she once again said something about me "wanting an operation" and I calmly but firmly told her that no, I did NOT specifically want surgery, but that I needed the pain to stop so I could have a life, and that no one -- including her -- had given me any non-surgical solutions. That was the end of the discussion, and there was no tension. She spoke her mind and I spoke mine. Two days later, she personally called me and offered to do the exploratory surgery if I wanted her to do it (or I couild keep the consultation with the other surgeon and/or the Cleveland Clinic appointments). Less than a week later she did the surgery and found lots of adhesions AND found my intestine actually growing into the mesh from my hernia repair.
The point (!) is that arguing with her -- even though it made me FEEL better to express my anger and frustration -- wasn't productive. Simply accepting the point of disagreement (her policy not to do surgery for pain without evidence of anything other than adhesions), pursuing a solution with other doctors, and then being calm but firm about my position and what I needed when the opportunity presented itself was productive. (Yes, the increase in intensity and frequency of the pain had something to do with it as well, and she probably still would have refused to do anything if it was still only happening every 4-6 weeks, but still...)
If you do not communicate well with your potential surgeon BEFORE surgery, though, you would be wise to seek out a new surgeon. This is not a short-term medical relationship you are entering into... there is the potential for various RNY-related complications at any time down the road, and you will need to have a good working relationship (and the ability to effectively communicate with) your surgeon. If you cannot do that before surgery, you will almost certainly not be able to do so afterward.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
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