forgive me nutriutionist, for I have sinned...

Hello everyone and Happy New Year!

I feel like a fraud and a liar. My surgeon is pleased with my progress but I don't tell him how much much I struggle. I am ashamed to face my nutritionist.

My life came to a screeching halt on Sept. 30 when I was to the E.R. for possible spinal fractures. I had pain like someone was stabbing me and exam ruled out organ issues. My x-rays frightened me. I was told to start some pain killer and get to my doc asap. I ended up having to leave physical therapy, which I was doing so well in, and on at least 2 different  narcotic pain killers that gave me more trouble then they were worth. Off those. I take muscle relaxers and have lidocane patches to wear. Good news after having been poked and prodded for a month, bone scans, more x-ray and MRI with full anesthesia, no broken bones. I do have misshaped discs which could contribute to my current health status. I also have not been at home since them because I was unable to care for myself. I have been staying with my sister. she has been out of work and we both have extremely limited resources. Both of our lives have disrupted for way too long. I am frustrated and sick of hurting. I am back to physical therapy which has yet to offer any relief. I am frustrated. I drove for the first time in 3 months and it took me 2 days to recover from that much activity.

All that was the background for why I feel like a liar. I have not been eating properly. We use the soup kitchen in her town sometimes as much as 2x day. I have food stamps but that is not nearly enough for a post op diet let alone trying to feed 2 people. I have been eating a lot of crap. I stopped listening to myself. My weight loss is at a crawl now. I am in trouble. I have not been logging my intake. I am in trouble. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I am in trouble. I can't keep this hidden anymore. I am in trouble.

Thanks for reading,

Mary

 Mary,
Please don't be ashamed! You're going thru a rough patch. There is no fault in that. Life is being hard on you. Why be even harder on yourself? Labeling yourself as a fraud or liar implies a choice to do wrong despite being able to do better; you're not chosing to do your body wrong. Life has backed you into a corner and you're doing what you HAVE to do - survive.
That being said, it may be good to reach out to your NUT and explain things in raw form: you need some financial help to meet your nutritional needs. Perhaps he/she has samples of vitamins & protein powders you could have for free. Perhaps he/she knows of resources for low-cost/free nutrition sources. You'll never know until you ask. Also, I was under the impression that you could use SNAP benefits for protein powders & dairy - I may be wrong on that but even when limited means keep you from buying the optimal preferences, you still aren't stuck with junk. Canned veggies are still better than white bread.
Good luck and wishing you a better year ahead!

You don't need to ask for forgiveness for going through a very difficult time.  If your doc or dietician act as if you do, fire them and see someone else.

I am really sorry you  are having such a hard time.  Does your sister get food stamps too?  She should if she is not working.  Are you expected to recover soon?  Or should you apply for disability?  Your condition must be expected to last for one year or more in order to qualify for SSI or SSDI.  I can give you lots of info about applying, if you need to do so.

Your dietician should be able to help you figure out what you can eat to stick with your plan on a limited budget.  She may also know of other resources in your community.  I hope you can ask her for help.  There is no shame in asking for help.  I've never eaten at a soup kitchen but I've received my share of boxes from the food pantry.

Oh Mary, you have been through so much but putting so much blame on yourself for things that have been out of your control. You are so depressed and putting yourself down but from what you described, your cir****tances have been very dire. I agree with the previous poster that by being open with your nut will only open doors for you and as she mentioned, maybe provide you with some options you don't know about now. My biggest concern for you is if you aren't able to take the supplements you need as well as the nutrition, it will create some long term problems for you. Please reach out for help beyond posting here, which I'm so glad you did, because it shows that you want help. Not knowing the details of your physical limitations, you might qualify for Vocational Rehab assistance. It's worth a try and will help sustain you until you have improved enough to be independent again.

So my wish for you it to be very gentle with yourself, to love yourself and get better. Many blessings to you and your sister for this new year!

Aloha,
Barb

Wow what a rough time... I am so sorry you have such struggles!
I totally agree there is no reason to beat yourself up over something you can't really control. What you CAN do is figure out the bits and pieces within your control, take up the reins and make those things work for you.
Example - log your food intake. Even if the food isn't something you would prefer to eat, log it so you can see where you need to change. You can log it on paper or online.
Drink your water. Eat protein forward even if there isn't much to eat... as in, 1oz of cheese is better than a full meal of baked potato.

I agree, talk to your NUT, they should have some resources and ideas to help you through this time. Hang in there, you can do it!

Oh, and call Bariatric Advantage to ask about their program for free vitamins for 90 days.

I can't ofer much more than these fabulous folks have but I will be praying for you.

 Hi Mary,

Sorry to hear you are having a rough go right now ((((hugs))))))

I wanted to a link from a previous post that I used prior to my surgery to get some free samples for protein shakes and vitamins. Some you either call or send an email for. If you scroll down about half a page you will see where Amy R posted a list in red.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4448648/Protein-Shake-Samples-How-do-you-get-them/

Good luck!